Bravo, mate!! Your exquisitely penned or shall I say 'keyed'...geehee...story
is bound to not only touch but also give a new lease of life to many of the
self-deprived and self-constrained lives out there in which people have been
eternally grappling to stave off the perennially beleaguering and plaguing
societal evils and identify themselves with others who share common ground or
better still, platform...
You've put up a significantly relevant idea for even many of such antagonistic
elements infesting our society or should I say insects eating into our societal
fabric, to halt and give this majorly and not merely national but also indeed a
global issue a careful thought...
Your endeavour would prove worthy of dispelling many a haunting myth and
nagging misgiving, helping such victims as yourself become disenchanted with
their inextricable relationship with their much rightfully owned surrounding
world...
Reading your account might make even the self-imposed social misfits
half-emancipated and no mistake!!
To sum self-realising one's own sexual orientation and sexual limitations helps
lull one's undeservedly aggrieved psyche...Makes them a lot better individual
and instils in them that ineffable sense of freedom in this world...What more
could one ask for?
Jolly good show, Patil!!
G
mahesh patil <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
DISCOVERING MYSELF........
was born postmaturely in the scortching heat of Nasik in a very well-off
family.My birth was the most awaited as the birth of a male child would have
conferred him the "only heir" of the family.I had two elder sisters and four
cousin sisters.Every one was thrilled by the news...Its a Boy....Congrats you
have a Son in your family!
Well I was a very troublesome child, I used to cry a lot...Keep my mother
busy...also was not very sound as far as my health was concerned.I was no doubt
a "precious" child but was not brought up in a over protected environment...As
i child I was shy, introvert n very quiet.At the same time in the house being
amidst my "close" people I never missed any chance to throw Temper-Tantrums.
My sisters being my role models and not having any "male" influence in my whole
family was ofcourse effeminate.I used to like dressing like them, talking like
them and so on.My father and me never shared a intimate relationship in fact to
some extent I hated him.For what?
For eveything...For being so careless,not understanding my Mothers feelings,
never sharing those warm moments with children and many more...For him we were
always"adults".For him celebrating birthdays was stupid,going out was
frivolous....family was such a burden...and kids would drag him into an awkward
position any time.
In school i was excellent in studies.I am not blowing my own trumpets but I had
never stood second! I was very bad in sports, I hated cricket moreeover because
my Father liked it! People have insulted me very badly at times calling me by
all sorts of names..."bailya, chhaka..." and what not.I hated started getting
scared hanging out with guys because they would never miss any chance to insult
me.Some had even done in front of the whole class.I never told anyone never...I
used to cry alone in the bathroom...I had developed a major "Inferiority
complex"...I had started doubting my gender....
With my excellent marks in 12 I, manged to get into dentistry...I had proved
myself there too...My complex had become even more exaggerated because now i
was in Mumbai...Well I did face some criticism there too, again kept crying
alone.I was staying with my Aunt at chembur.First three years were good,I had
friends who didnt make fun of me,I was doing well in studies also.Then I began
my Final year...
I just could not think of failing now! As u know passing in the Medical
examinations is a Big task....Academics was my arena mjy sphere where I could
shine...I used to study about 18 hours a day, like an insane human! I used to
get hysterical at times,used to cry...howl....What if i Fail ??? I some how
gave my theory exam.For practicals I had backed out..I used to call up my
parents and howl on the phone...My parents actually came to bombay and took me
to college everyday for the exam .I was possesed,I was not within myself...I
was suffering from tremendous Anxiety...Exams went off ...Then came the results
I saw I had"FALIED" by two marks in a very stupid subject...I was shattered.My
sister was going to get married in the next ten days and another sister had
delivered.I had to be happy for them...I kept thinking God " You didnt make me
a very nice baby,I was not a very smart chap either.i havent done anything in
sports,now I have failed in studies.Above all you didnt even make me a complete
human?I feel like a woman, I like Men? i tried commiting a suicide but i
couldnt!
Then i visited I Psychiatrist.He has been extremely kind and I treat him next
to God.I was on antidepressants n sedatives which I amj still taking till my
exams get over in July....He told me that homosexuality is not at all "
abnormal,its as normal as the straight".Now i had come out to myself....i had
come in terms with life.Then through search I came across Gay bombay. One day i
confronted my sisters and told them.They were glad that I was no more in a
dilemma.I had discovered myself!
I share a very profound intimacy with my sisters more than my Parents
even...They just want me to be happy! I need someone a fatherly figure who
would give me the love I have always been devoid of....
Remember guys come what may in life we just have to see it with open eyes..even
if it looks very horrid.We have come into this world to answer life, not
question it.These hurdles in life are like "vaccines" which render immunity,
mental immunity.Now I am in peace with myself.I am complacent ! I dont care
what people have to say about me because I know I am not a bad person...U call
me anything, i dont care! thats how my attitude has changed...
Reading all this I hope you must have realised that all of us have
Problems....Sharing them will make them look small n insignificant because
people have still much more grave things to be sad about....Thanks!
Please write to me your comments about it,anyone having any such experiences do
write n share with others......they will bother u less....bye n take
care.......
------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~-->
In low income neighborhoods, 84% do not own computers.
At Network for Good, help bridge the Digital Divide!
http://us.click.yahoo.com/HO7EnA/3MnJAA/E2hLAA/WfTolB/TM
--------------------------------------------------------------------~->
Group Site:
http://www.gaybombay.info
==========================
NEW CLASSIFIEDS SECTION
SEEKING FRIENDS? VISIT
www.gaybombay.info
click on classified section and type your message in the post section once the
link opens
This message was posted to the gay_bombay Yahoo! Group. Responses to messages
(by clicking "Reply") will also be posted on the eGroup and sent to all
members. If you'd like to respond privately to the author of any message then
please compose and send a new email message to the author's email address.
For Parties and events go to:
http://calendar.yahoo.com/YYY,04497/srt,0/gaybombaygroup/?v=42&POS=
Post:- gay_bombay@yahoogroups.com
Subscribe:- [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Digest Mode:- [EMAIL PROTECTED]
No Mail Mode:- [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Individual Mail Mode:- [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Contact Us:- [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Archives are at
http://www.mail-archive.com/gay_bombay%40yahoogroups.com/maillist.html
Yahoo! Groups Links
<*> To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/gay_bombay/
<*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
<*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to:
http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
