Three old women are talking about their aches, pains and bodily dysfunction. One seventy-five year old woman says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee." An eighty-year-old woman says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement." The ninety year old woman says, "At seven I pee like a horse, at eight I crap like a cow." "So what's your problem?" asked the others. "I don't wake up until nine."
An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk. She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting". Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said :"Then you used to bite my neck" Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked. "To get my teeth!
