Hey Sameer!
<<A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight times>> ... where do get your statistics from man?? if that were true, all women would be obese and all straight marraiges would be a disaster. are all your values and beliefs based on nonsensical data like that?? I mean how do you manage any respect for your wife if that is the image of women in your mind?? And if you dont really respect her, why are you advising other people on what to do with their marriages??
The guy you are trying to help married to safegaurd his reputation and social standing whithout sparing a thought for the girl.
I am not the one running away, being a spectator or "being brave from far"...I am staying put and fighting. I have the strength to refuse to marry a woman, to see my parents <<"who
have giving me birth and made me capable enough to stand on my feet">> through this period of pain, to tell them I am their loving and caring son and that I am living the values they brought me up in...which includes not destroying the life of a girl to look good in the eyes of others. All this so that i may eventaully live an honest life, be happy and be there for my parents as much as for my gay partner.
I have thought a lot about why gays marry. It is only because of selfish reasons...because they do not have the guts to go against stereotypes. They are too scared to offend their society.
It is not people like me who are looking to increase the list of their sexual partners. It is people who have sex on the sly because they have a wife at home and cannot commit to another relation who are looking to increase the list.
You are not trying to help anybody...you are only trying to gain legitimacy for your selfish acts by recommending others do the same.
Only one point of agreement between us my friend. You certainly dont need my permission to be on this list. I repeat my first question to you....you need to ask yourself, if you have achieved the intimacy you are saying is possible with your wife, then why do you need to be on a list like this?
Sumeet Mehra <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
Hey Sonub!I clearly mentioned that its my point of view. Again the man was in need of help. I tried helping him the way I felt appropriate. What have you helped him with? I have certainly not made you my judge. Again I dont require you consent to be in this list.For guys like you is easy to say. Its rightly said "Its easy to be brave from far."You are just behaving like a spectator. Want to see how the person is getting destroyed. None of you guys can lend a helping hand to those guys like him.Have you ever thought why guys marry?and, Why gays marry?No gay marry's willingly. You might be having different family atmosphere and might be from broad minded society. And if you are from conservative family, as you mentioned, then you are very selfish. And again being a gay what big achievement have you made? Increased the list of guys with whom you got around, at cost of your parents health, who have giving you birth and made you capable enough to stand on your feet and oppose them?"For those of you who are married...you can spend the rest of your life "adjusting" and "rubbing your wife's cheeks" or acknowledge the clossal mistake you have made and go your separate ways. Acknowledge that you are "not a perfect husband like heteros" and a hetro is what any straight woman deserves, while you are respnsible for denying her that."Adjustment is part of every one's life. We all have to adjust in every walk of life, be it work field, family, friends so what big deal if its marriage. Every one is doing that. Even hetros have to do. For your and others information: woman have more sexual desire than man. Thus even hetros find it diffucult in satisfying woman.A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight times
But anyways why am I banging my head with you? To who ever I wanted to help, its reached. Even other guys have liked my advise. I am not concerned with guys like you. Your attitude is very selfish. You just think about your self.Infact I have found people like you in this group. You'll live in fantasies. You'll have just one thing to say "How can you spoil a girl's life?" But its what you feel. Your point of view.Unlike hetros we dont have mutiple females. One woman one life. More dedicated towards her. Atleast we have a family. Because Nature's rule-man and woman only can give birth to a child, no two gays/lesbains can ever give birth to a child. This truth no one can deny.One side you show you dont want to spoil any girl's life and other side what are you doing with your parents?Actually you dont want to marry a girl because then you will be deprived from your freedom of having sex with guys. You are actually not concerned neither with your parents nor with anyone else. Its only to show world how good you are and what good thoughts you have. Because if you would be really concerned and responsible then you would certainly not let your parents be in misery, as you mentioned. Guys like you run away from responsibilties. You may have many excuses to prove your self right, but excuses are after excuses.But the bottom line is that you are wrong.I do not want to argue any further on this topic.Regards,Sumeet
Sonub Jalan <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:Arent you contradicting yourself? "Sex is in the mind" and "still at heart we are gay"...who are you fooling? If you have indeed attained intimacy with your wife (proving that it is possible) then why the need to be here?I dont know under what circumstances you have had to marry and I will not like to sit in judgement of your actions. But this is definitely not the advise you can give to people who are under pressure to get married to a woman. What such people (people like me) need to know is that you will then be using a woman's life to experiment. You are living in denial about what you and she needs and someday you will not be able to live the pretence any longer.For those of you who are married...you can spend the rest of your life "adjusting" and "rubbing your wife's cheeks" or acknowledge the clossal mistake you have made and go your separate ways. Acknowledge that you are "not a perfect husband like heteros" and a hetro is what any straight woman deserves, while you are respnsible for denying her that.And then maybe some of you married guys have been lucky in that your wife has waited long enough for you to "get physical as if it means nothing to you as would between two friends". I know of women who kicked the living daylights out of their husbands for not being good enough. Lots of rounds to hospitals to cure their impotency. So dont you dare make your plight a general rule.Get real guys. While the honourable GB list jury is still out on whether true love is possible in the gay world, I believe it is better to be alone than to live a lie.I have fought really hard not to marry, being the only son in a very conservative family. It has affected my parents health and been the cause of a lot of tension in my family. But I would rather live with this than a wife with whom I need to develop intimacy and "Achieving sex with one women" against my instincts.
abbey fifty <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:Guys,
I'd like to make two points:
1. I share Sumeet Mehra's experiences and having done
the deed, ( marrying )the best option is to try hard
to adjust. And the best policy is NOT to try getting
hard - just befriend your wife, get intimate in all
other ways, and then very slowly, get physical as if
it means nothing to you as would between two friends -
like putting hand over shoulder, a kiss on the cheek
and just holding hands. The important thing is to get
so used to these things that you are not conscious.
After a few months, you will be mentally relaxed
enough for stirrings of physical feelings to emerge.
Remember sex is in the mind. So relax and let time go.
I went through this phase and though not a perfect
husband like heteros, we do get along.
2. We are on the list because, still, at heart we are
gay in that we are attracted physically by men.
Achieving sex with one women means nothing much except
that u get to know her so well, that one learns to get
along, if you know what I mean. It happens. But the
feelings stop with that one women. Emotionally, we are
very much on g-side. I am sure other married men will
understand this.
But I know others will not, and I have no wish to
cross swords with them.
My purpose of writing this is to give emotional
support to "arsg" , Summet and others like them ( and
me)because I am sure there will be acidic comments to
the contrary.
Warm regards,
A
--- Sonub Jalan <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
If you have accomplished what you have advised, what are you doing on this list?
Sumeet Mehra <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: Hi asrg!
I am giving you just my point of view.
I do understand in what difficult situation you are.
Maybe you might have never thought that you would land up in such a situation. See its difficult but not impossible. You can lead a very good sex life with your wife. I am sure you have some thoughts that is not letting you have feelings for your wife. But as you have told you can not disclose your sex identity to you family and please never do that. You may land up in very complicated state of life.
See nothing in this world is impossible. You need to remove all passimist feelings from your mind. You can surely have sex with your wife. Treat her as your soul mate not wife. Understand her. She is the one who has hold your hand and entered in your family. So she deserves your unconditional love. Love her. She is the one who has taken your parents as her own. Respect her. Try giving her love. See till you do not try nothing will happen. Don't forget that if one desires one can do any thing and make impossible also possible.
Make Love. You need not do sex, till you are not prepared. But you can surely make her feel loved. Slowly and gradually as you proceed start getting involved in her. More you get involved more you will make her satisfy. Just forget the world. Even Foget yourself, your individuality. Get lost in her. Then you will see how things change. Do not resist any feelings. Let it come let it pass by. Do not be concerned even if you do not get hard. Just go on and on. Do not think of jumping for intercourse. Make her feel that she is the most loved person in your life. You will then realise and will then understand what I have said is truth- Nothing is impossible. You will get hard...harder...hardest and she will then be the most happiest woman marrying to you.
Believe me, let any one say any thing. Let the whole world say that gay can not have sex with females. But I am sharing with you my very personal experience. I know reading this some guys may object and will say that I am Bi. But guys I was not Bi before having sex with my wife.
So if you try the same way as I did. You will surely succeed. Even Impossible says that I am Possible. So get set go. Enjoy!!!
Regards and All The Best, Sumeet
asrg_3 <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: I am a gay living in Amritsar, Punjab. I have no feeling for girls but I have been married to a girl under my family prssure. I cann't come out. I am a reputed person and afraid of my family and society. I am not able to do anything with my wife even after five months of my marriage. Please tell me what should I do? Iam very much frustated.
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