Re: g_b Coming out to my parents

Sat, 13 May 2006 22:20:20 -0700

Hi Nirav,

Thanks for the lovely mail. Its support of the
wonderful loving and caring people, like you, around
the world that has helped me through this.

And I completely agree with your views about sharing
it with our parents. I hope we all can do it and live
better. It has been easier for me as I do not stay
with my parents. But I know that its tougher for guys
who live at home. I wish and pray for them.

You take care!

Hugs,
r

--- Nirav Shah <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
ey Rohan,

Kudos!!

It's great that you've come out to your parents and things are begining to go back to normal. I just wish that more of use could gather such strength and go ahead with it.

Don't care what the people in the society think...it's just a whole lot of crap.. But it's very important to let your parent's in. They are the people who matter...

Wishing both of you a wonderful life ahead, full of lots of lovely things.

Congrats, once again. Guys like you can serve as good role models for our community. I hope a lot more people get inspired by this...

Cheers!!

--- rohan r <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
ello there again!

I am sorry for not writing in earlier. After coming back from home, I promptly fell in and then work overwhelmed me to the extent that I couldn't check my mails.

Yes, I did it!

I went home. Parents all smiling and loving. Everything was hunky - dory till Wednesday evening.

In the evening, we were sitting outside, my parents and I, under the bright half-moon light. It was muggy and hot. I had been procrastinating about how to tell them and when.... and then I decided to make it a quick event. I started out by saying that I was their son and I loved them both very much and I knew that they both loved me very much too. And that nothing is ever going to change.

Then I went ahead and told them. Told them about me, my preferences, my boyfriend, my future plans.... everything. I told them I realized it will be very difficult for them, but I am telling them this because I couldn't live a lie anymore, a lie I had been living for the past 15 years.

There was a shocked silence. And then Dad said, "Are you sure? It's not the right thing. Do you want to go to a counselor? Is there any defect in you? Why did you choose this kind of lifestyle? What will happen to you if your boyfriend decides to leave you? What if your BF's parents convince him to leave you?"

We had a long discussion. One of the things that touched me was when he said that he realized it had taken me great courage to come out and tell them this and that he was proud of me for doing that. Knowing that he did not approve of my lifestyle, yet say this, told me how much he loved me. Then he said something that has he has told me all my life: "Its your life. You have to decide how to live it. We, as parents will worry about you and your future. If you have decided on something, we wont force you. We will support you and love you."

Mom was silent. My mom is very religious. When I asked her about her views, she just shrugged. It had hit her badly. The next time she spoke to me was a day after... she told me it was against God and bible. This is wrong and then I should have come to Dad a longer time ago for this problem, while we could have done something about it. And stuff. Said that she will never accept it.

I knew I had hurt them both very much and I was sad for doing so and was angry at the society for making it so hard.

We had a discussion again, on Saturday. And then again Dad asked me whether I wanted to get counseled. In the end I realized that all his fears were about I having to live alone and no wife and no kids to take care of me in my old age. He is so sweet! He said that if I am sure about what I want to do and how I want to lead my life, they will stand by me.

Now that I am back in Bangalore, things are pretty normal. The phone calls are regular and full of love. Mom is back to normal. I know that it will be along long time before things will return to normal, or before my boyfriend will be accepted as my partner. But I will live for that day and will try to help my parents move along.

Anyways, I am glad I did it. Now I don't feel like a liar. And that my parents know who I am. I know that they will still love me and they might not stand up and applaud every move I make, I will always have their love and support.

Thank you guys, for all your support and care and concern! Without it, I know that I wouldn't have made it through.

Hugs, r

--- rohan r <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
i,

I am planning to come out to my parents next week. Going home for Easter. Guess Jesus is not the only one who is going to be crucified and coming out. Though mine will be in reverse order.

I come from a religious Mallu Catholic family. Anybody who knows how we function can understand me freaking out. There is hundres of butterflies in my stomach playing with a big ball of lead they got from somewhere.

The biggest problem is going to be communicating to them. I have lived outside home (hostels n others) all my life. So the language at home is a mixture of Malayalam, English and Hindi. So you see, I dont even know whether they wud understand it, if I were to say I am gay. So I will have to go into more details, which is making me a lil squeamish.

I am expecting a lot of 'Against God & Bible' and then some 'Society' and 'Nature' talk. I will get the hospital emergency numbers with me before I sit down with them, in case either of them decides to go coronary on me. (Was that bad humor?)

Anyways, will let you guys know how it went.

If any of you have gone thru the same experience, tips, Dos & Donts, and suggestions welcome!

Thanks! r

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