hi Zameer,
I read about your experience and i really feel bitter about our society and our
own weakness.
I am a person who got married due to family pressure. Well, it was not just
family pressure, my mom knew about my being gay and she knew my boyfriend and
she made him convince me to get married. Till today i have not been able to
forgive her for that. The indian society has certain norms which guarantee to
leave you feeling bitter all your life, whether it is through family pressure
or through blackmailing cops.
Maybe the police is always under stress due to their working conditions, but
still look at their attitude. They do not think twice before prosecuting gays
who are usually law abiding citizens in every way. Maybe all the people who
attended the party will never attend one again.
Maybe some will "BECOME" straight by this experience.
But indian gays should atleast form good stable friendships among ourselves and
build a strong network. Such incidents should bring us together instead of
separate and divide us.
Your friend has at least shown some courage by sending you the SMS. Please
don't ignore it and stop relations with him altogether. It is the first step
towards building your own Strong network.
Love,
Manoj
--- On Tue, 23/6/09, lgbtindiagroup <lgbtindiagr...@yahoo.com> wrote:
From: lgbtindiagroup <lgbtindiagr...@yahoo.com>
Subject: g_b shame on us!
To: gay_bombay@yahoogroups.com
Date: Tuesday, 23 June, 2009, 9:42 PM
courtesy gb list
========
Shame on us! Or The story of the "reverse gear"...
Posted by: "kamble zameer" zam...@yahoo. de zamkam
Tue Jun 23, 2009 5:37 am (PDT)
SHAME ON US
Two days back there was a gay party, held in a village in Lonavala by a person,
who generally arranges the gay parties in Pune.
I was going to the Lonavala party for the first time and had taken along three
close friends with me. Two of them are out and also act in my play OFFBEAT. One
of them, a muslim guy is in the process of outing himself due to marriage
pressure at home. Then there was my date, a chat friend from a remote village
in Rajasthan, who shifted to Pune, just last month, again due to marraige
pressure at home. I was glad that he was atleast clear about not getting
married and I had kind of also motivated him by describing to him the queer
movement in India in general. He was thrilled to know about the gay parties in
Mumbai and Pune. So I had promised him to take to the said Lonavala Party.
My Muslim friend had got one more friend along, he was coming to this party for
the first time too. He is a south indian and is not out to his family too.
Out of the way we also picked one more friend from Nigdi, who acted in my short
film, but had requested me to not screen his real name in the film titles.
On the way we had our fun of having drinks, wada-pav and singing "gay" songs
like "Hum tum dono jab mil jayen'gay' ", etc. When we finally reached the spot
at 12.30, we realized, we were falling short of some money. Since we had got so
many friends with us, the organizer didnt mind it, he still let us in.
Inside there was loud music in perfect mild light and lots of good (hee hee!)
guys dancing. I joined in with my date and started enjoying the music too.
Since I and two of my friends were drunk, we had some good share of funny
moments too.
At around 1.30 three policemen stormed in the bunglow and asked us to stop the
music. They came inside and checked the whole bungalow, looked for alcohol
bottles and stared at our "queer" presence.
We all were obviously scared to death. The policemen went in the corridor of
the bungalow and started interrogating the organizer and the DJs who apparently
were localites.
I forgot my fear as soon as the organizer came to me asking for help. So I went
out to the cops, gave them all details about myself, told them I am a German
Teacher in the University of Pune, I voluntarily also work for HIV-Awareness
etc. I didnt want to say "Gay" because I didnt want them to have ideas if they
already hadnt realized it yet. But no, they knew it. The cops immediately asked
me, why were we partying with "reverse" people here. It didnt take much time
for me to understand that "reverse" was their word for gay. The cop asked me to
stop convincing him and ordered me to get all the people out and to give thier
names and addresses.
I went inside and for the first time I saw faces, because now there was light.
Most of them were scared, silent and staring at me with hope and fear. Two of
my actor friends asked me what happened. I told them that the cops want us to
come out of the bungalow and give our details. Immediately people started
panicking. But I and my friends were convinced that this is the time to come
out and say the truth. I had shown the film "Milk" to them recently and we were
obviously on a high and thought it to be appropriate to go in custody and start
the movement in Pune.
But the majority of people had other plans. They rejected our idea there and
then. They wanted to pay bribe to the cops and have the thing settled as soon
as possible. I personaly very well understand how difficult it is to come out
and especialy the way I and my friends were wishing it. So I again went to the
cops, persuaded them, asked them what amount they wish to have.
The cop told me that he would take one thousand rupees from each of us. I said,
it was obviously impossible for all of us to pay you a thousand each, simply
also because we didnt have that much money with us. He was reluctant, didnt
want to hear any arguments and reminded me that he knew there are "reverse"
people in the party. I was annoyed by then, I told him that being "reverse" is
not a crime. We agree we had drinks, played loud music so late, but just for
being "reverse" you cannot charge us thousand rupees each.
He got angry with me, said the typical, "Dont teach me the law, I will show you
the law, I will take all of you in custody and you will be in the newspapers
tomorrow." I knew my two friends would be happy to hear it, thats what we
wished. But unfortunately there were other people there to persuade the cops,
they didnt like the way I was conversing with the cops and were shit scared by
that declaration of the cops. So they all requested me to shut my mouth and
took me inside.
I went inside and saw the scared faces again. There were many stories hidden
behind these faces. One of them asked me whether he could pay them his thousand
rupees and go. There was one who was from Mumbai and was irritated by the bad
organizing skills of Puneites. There were some transgenders who were the only
ones who were ready to go for my plan. They said, "Just let us speak with the
cops, we will do such "Hijadpan" (acts) that they will immediately leave us."
And I knew they were saying the truth. I have seen it myself many a time, the
policemen generally leave transgenders and Hijras. One of my transgender friend
says, the policemen leave them because they cant take the ugly. For them we are
the ugliest part of the society, already meaningless, hopeless creatures and
hence they expect no returns from us, so they leave us. But here I was trying
out the political, intellectual way, in vain of course. My heart went out for
those transgender friends
and I bursted out crying because my socalled "gay", upwardly mobile "queens"
were not ready to come out. I had seen them doing the unimaginable in the dark,
but now they were not even ready to be themselves.
One of them said, he recently got married and was ready to give away his
wedding ring. He said, he didnt want his parents and wife to know that he was
gay. There were some who managed to run away. One of them was the friend from
Nigdi, whom we had picked up out of the way. He asked the newbie, south indian
friends of ours to come along. But he told him, he cannot leave alone, without
us, his friends.
Finally the people collected whatever money they had and it was hard for me to
believe, they actually paid the policemen a total amount of 22,000 rupees with
a wedding ring. With that the police left.
Angrily I took my friends, took the "reverse" gear and came back home. Reached
home early morning, was thinking all the while, with my head rested on the
chest of my date. My date by the way was also very scared, but he stood with
us, whenever I went inside the bungalow with updates about the police, he held
my hands and said, he is very scared. I always consoled him saying, "Dont
worry, everything will be alright."
we all went to sleep in my one BHK. I slept hugging my date and was blessed
with intimate sex with him in the morning. I had already decided to write about
this. But was waiting for different perspectives. All friends shared their
stories. Some of them remembered that the DJS and the organizers had maintained
their cool, which left us wondering, that it could be a set up by them. If it
was, then it is all the more sad.
But what leaves me sad and ashamed is the chance we all missed, to come out, to
take a stand, to be authentic and honest to our own identity. I remembered the
scenes in the film "Milk". The first scene of the film shows cops taking away
homosexuals from clubs in jail. I also rememberd a dialogue of Milk commenting
on "Anita something", who was against homosexuals. He says' "Anita is born to
bring us homosexuals together. I am glad she is being herself." I thought, had
the cops been a bit honest and did their duty, they could have got us together.
The next day I saw a sms on my mobile phone. The friend from Nigdi, who had
escaped the police had sent it. He says: "Sorry, I was very scared and didnt
know what to do. Hope you will forgive me, your coward friend."
I didnt answer it. I have no answer...
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