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I'm gay and it twice drove me to attempt suicide, reveals Flying Scotsman Graeme Obree Graeme Obree at the height of his career. The former world champion couldn't even use the word ‘gay' when talking to his psychologist Published Date: 01 February 2011 By Stephen Mcginty HE WAS the "Flying Scotsman" who could not outpace his demons. Graeme Obree, the world champion cyclist, has revealed that the cause of the mental trauma that led to two suicide attempts was his refusal to accept that he was gay. The cyclist, who built his world-record breaking bike from washing machine parts and whose story was turned into a film, has revealed that he has finally achieved contentment by embracing his sexuality. The athlete from Ayrshire, who broke the world one-hour distance record in 1993 on his bike "Old Faithful", said he just "closed down" while growing up. Obree, 45, yesterday revealed the difficulties he encountered in his private life as a married father of two as he tried to accept he was gay. He said: "I was brought up thinking you'd be better dead than gay and it was so unacceptable. I was brought up by the war generation - they grew up when gay people were put in jail. "Being homosexual was so unthinkable that you just wouldn't be gay. I'd no inkling about anything, I just closed down. People say, 'How can you be gay and be married and have kids and not know it?'. But when I went to my psychologist she reckoned I had the emotional age of about 13 because I'd just closed down." The sportsman went on to win the individual pursuit at the world championships twice in the 1990s. He finally admitted that he was attracted to men in 2005 during sessions with a psychologist who had been assisting him with the depression he had suffered all his life. "To me the thought of being gay wasn't acceptable. I thought I was a terrible person. I had to admit, 'Oh my goodness, this is me'. It was so bad because I was the biggest homophobe on the planet, because it was so ingrained in me. • 'Son, I just want to sit here and toast to the rest of your life' "I started doing some self- harming, feeling terrible. I would cut myself; it was a way of coping. Even when I was trying to tell my psychologist about my sexuality, I couldn't even use the 'G' word. I had to skirt around the issue. "She cut me off and said: 'You mean you're gay?' and I said: 'Well, if you want to use that word' - because I couldn't." Obree then had to break the news to his wife - from whom he is now divorced - his children and his parents. "It did create a bit of tension," he said. "My parents had to come to terms with the whole gay thing, it's been a journey for them. It was difficult and there were lots of tears. It wasn't easy. But the relationship with my parents has been improved by it. We talked about it and discussed things and we're a lot happier. It's taken years for me not to be ashamed of my sexuality." He twice tried to take his own life and was admitted to mental health units on seven occasions when he began to self-harm. In 1998 he took 100 pills at an airport, then three years later he had to be cut down from a tree after trying to hang himself near his home in Ayrshire. His autobiography The Flying Scotsman was turned into a film starring Jonny Lee Miller and Billy Boyd in 2006. Yesterday, Carl Watt, director of gay rights charity Stonewall Scotland, said: "Graeme's coming out and sharing his story with the nation will hopefully be an inspiration to many others in all walks of life who sadly feel they need to hide who they really are. "He is Scotland's first champion sportsman to announce he is gay and he is sending a strong message on the impact that discrimination can have on someone's life and health. "Unfortunately, homophobia is still prevalent in Scotland." Last Updated: 01 February 2011 2:18 AM Source: The Scotsman Location: Edinburgh
