Arbit pilfer from the net, but interesting and pertinent. Aditya Bondyopadhyay (Sent from my iPad or iPhone)
================= Men in our society are raised to be unemotional. Our culture views a lack of easy emotionality in men as a sign of strength. Gay men's upbringing is no different in this regard. In fact, many gay men were teased as boys for being more emotionally expressive than their families or peers allowed. Boys learn to keep their feelings to themselves, and gay boys learn quickly to keep their same-sex crushes or "girlish" interests secret from others. The one exception for men is the expression of anger. Anger is viewed as a strength for males, but met with mixed feelings when it comes from females. When a man has "unacceptable" feelings, feelings that are viewed as a sign of weakness, such as sadness, fear, shame or same-sex love, he may be more comfortable experiencing these feelings as a form of anger. For gay men in couples, this can present tremendous difficulties. Individual or couple therapy is an excellent arena for learning to identify and express tender feelings, as well as to develop appropriate ways of expressing anger. Here are some suggestions for managing your anger without losing your temper: 1. Learn to recognize the thoughts, behaviors, and physical and emotional feelings that are your warning signs in angry situations. 2. When these warning signs are present, step away from the angry situation in order to avoid losing control. 3. Give yourself time to cool down. Your body needs at least 20 minutes to back down from being on the verge of an angry outburst. Sometimes physical activity is a good release for angry feelings. 4. Ask yourself if the intensity of your anger is justified. Is your interpretation of the situation magnifying your anger? Did you bring unrealistic expectations to this situation? Are you frustrated about something that it is beyond your ability to control? 5. Talk out rather than act out your angry feelings. If you are very angry, talk first to someone you trust who is not involved in the situation. Let ho of impulses to hurt (emotionally or physically) the person you are angry with. Speak to this person only after you are calm and have planned what you will say. Be prepared to specify how you feel about what this person said or did. Ask for specific behavioral changes and listen calmly to any response you get. If need be, return to step 1. 6. Reward yourself. When you handle a difficult situation successfully, praise yourself and do something you enjoy as a reward.
