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*How is it being gay in India?* “How is it being gay?”, not everyone on earth can dare to face such a blow and in India the picture is even worse. Of course, no friend or colleague would often ask you this question, because few gay in India can gather guts to come out of the closet and let their peers know their true sexual orientation. But we do face questions of this type if we are bold enough to claim our sexual preferences to our loved ones. On several occasions, I remember I faced questions of this kind which are somewhat very ironical and pinching. One reporter from a Tamil media once asked me “why are you being gay”, as if I had a tray full of chocolates and I have picked up the most distasteful one. Most of my straight friends to whom I came out asked me “how does it feel like?” Well, I always knew they were curious and they proved me right most of the times. Quite often, few straight guys ask me direct “how do you feel like while having sex with another guy?” And the fun is they still claimed to belong the straight lot of people; they keep pestering me over this topic by saying- “I never had sex with another guy before”. Come on dude! Why don’t you just try and taste the pleasure?. On one fine morning, one of my heterosexual friends said “I don’t think you are gay, you look so normal”. I exploded with laughter and asked him “so, how do you think a gay person would look like?”. He shrugged his shoulders and replied “they are simply shemales!”. Most of the straight friends,I know, think of gays as guys with boobs and erectile dysfunctional issues . I grabbed his hand and let it check my chest structure and then brought his hand down to my lower abdomen so that he could shake off his baseless belief. And I asked him “now what do you think about my flat chest and erected male organ? Gays are healthy men too and I wouldn’t mind take to my bed and give you the most credible proof of it”. Since this incident, I have never seen him in so far in my life. He just disappeared abruptly. Over the past one year I have been appearing on many Tamil television channels and newspapers since I thought my visibility and onscreen presence will make an impact. So right after my interview on a popular Tamil channel, a tea shop owner from my neighbourhood asked me “I saw you on TV last night, what were you saying?, I couldn’t understand anything”. Well, I spoke on the TV for an hour about homosexuality and gay rights in vernacular Tamil, but I had to face question like that. On another occasion, I had a chance to appear on Sun News for a show with Dr.Kamaraj; there they facilitated live tele-calls from the viewers. Dr.Kamaraj is one of the popular faces on the small screen who generally appears on talk shows related to sex and sex related issues. As it was expected, there were plenty of calls from rural and small town dwellers where the callers made several homophobic comments. One such caller was the elder brother of a homosexual guy. He had asked the doctor if there was any cure to mould his brother’s sexuality and then the doctor had replied “yes there is, if your brother is willing to undergo a change”. My response was simple; the doctor was “a total bullshit” or something of that kind. After the live talk show was over I asked Dr.Kamaraj-”so how will you cure a homosexual becuase it’s a different sexual orientation, not a disease at all. Is there any brain and heart transplantation method from heterosexuals to mould gays into straights?”. Last year my sister asked me “how are you managing my life with a guy?”. Yes, it isn’t easy especially for a guy like me who once had been into a relationship with a woman where she used to take care of all household activities. If two men want to live in the same house for several years, it needs more tenacity than a wedding ceremony and growing up the kids really take. It needs a strong bond, a chemistry which ties you forever and an understanding to exist all the way through. So the answer to how I am living my life up with a guy for 5 years or so is just simple; maybe my sister also forgotten the magic key which is called ‘love’. I. Know it would be difficult for most of theIndian women to understand it; they are many times forced into ‘arranged loveless ever-binding marriage’. They were just been told by their parents “my daughter, this is your husband and you to be in love with him forever” … Everytime I open my lunch box in my office I have to face a strange look from my colleagues It seems that they are not just sneaking into my lunchbox but also trying to intrude into my privacy through my bedroom window too. Everytime I face the question “how is it being gay in india” I remember an incident which occurred right after I came out for the first time to a friend. He took me to our favorite Besant nagar beach where we generally gather together on weekends. Every time a good-looking guy was passing across us, he asked me “what do you think about that guy, do you like him?”. I was a little embarrassed by the sheer frankness of the situation because that was not something we have ever discussed before. He said “well, all these years whenever we came here at this beach I used to talk about girls and comment about them to you and I could feel the pain of your silence that used to make you mute all those times. From now on, you don’t have to keep anything locked up within your heart. Feel free to tell me, I am your friend”. Well, I think that’s what you and I call true friendship. He helped me face all my fears of being a homosexual and I even won over the nervousness to come out at least to those who know me well and love me much. However, let’s get back to the point “how is it being gay in india?”. I decided to ask other gay men. Two months ago, for the film festival arrangement and management, I met a lot of people and this list includes a gay friend who is very popular as a TV host and I invited him to attend the festival, even though I knew he won’t come. “Vikki, its not easy being gay and a celebrity all the same. I have everything now. Media, popularity, car, house and money but I am not happy, not really happy; whenever I am on my own at home I feel bore to death on one hand. On the other, I am afraid if I ever come to your event even as a supporter I will lose everything I have earned so far and I have no choice but to live with it”. Well, I don’t think he earned anything so far except loneliness. Recently, a 19 year old boy came to meet me at my office. He belongs to a a small town in Tirunelveli district. “Vikranth anna, I have been waiting to meet you for a long time. Finally I managed to make it happen in reality It’s not easy being gay from my part of the world. I never talk about it to anyone yet. I am scared and I don’t know what I am going to do for the rest of my life. Everytime when my friends cracks jokes about homosexuals without knowing I am one among them I feel a pain deep down. I wanted to find a partner like you did; but whoever I like in my college seem to be straights. I am afraid, the fear and shame within me are not allowing me to focus on my studies” and he went on like that for two hours and I quietly sat and listened to him. I knew I was the first person to whom he is opening up his sexual orientation and probably the last person if he goes back home. Lately if anyone ask me “how is it being gay in india”. I tell him or her “its awesome dude! You just have to give it a shot and see -that’s all”. *Written by: Vikranth Prasanna * *Edited by: Amit kumar Dey*
