I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at < http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>.
Please wait for direction from your document shepherd or AD before posting a new version of the draft. Document: draft-ietf-pwe3-pw-typed-wc-fec-03.txt Reviewer: Mary Barnes Review Date: 9 April 2012 IESG Telechat Date: 12 April 2012 Summary: Ready with nits. Comments: there are some editorial nits, many summarized below. There are several cases where an article - i.e., "the", "an", etc. is missing. I believe these can be fixed in AUTH48 and I imagine the RFC editor will catch them. But, if the doc needs any other updates, it would be good to make these fixes at the same time. Nits: ----- Section 1: - first paragraph, second sentence is very awkward and could be rewritten something like (unless I've misunderstood the objective of that sentence: OLD: This can be used when it is desired to request all label bindings for a given type of FEC Element, or to release or withdraw all label bindings for a given type of FEC element. NEW: This can be used to request, release or withdraw all label bindings for a given type of FEC element. - second paragraph, last sentence - missing articles (PWID, same) OLD: The procedures for Typed Wildcard processing for PWid and Generalized PWid FEC Elements are same as described in [RFC5918] for any typed wildcard FEC Element type. NEW: The procedures for Typed Wildcard processing for the PWid and Generalized PWid FEC Elements are the same as described in [RFC5918] for any typed wildcard FEC Element type. Section 3: - third paragraph, last sentence before list: OLD: provide more generalized and comprehensive solution by allowing: NEW: provide a more generalized and comprehensive solution by allowing: - list item 2: "constraint" -> "constrain" Section 4.1: OLD: "… had learnt from LSR B over LDP session." NEW: " … learned from the LSR B over the LDP session." OLD: "…such request…" NEW: "…such a request…" OR "..the request…" OLD: (no stale) NEW: (not stale) OLD: completes consistency check NEW: completes the consistency check Section 4.3: - first paragraph, last sentence: OLD: with large number NEW: with a large number Section 4.4: - 1st para, 2nd sentence: OLD: These procedures use LDP Address Withdraw message NEW: These procedures use an LDP Address Withdraw message - 2nd paragraph, last sentence: OLD: This per PW (VPLS instance) MAC Withdraw messages NEW: These per PW (VPLS instance) MAC Withdraw messages 3rd paragraph - 1st sentence: OLD: this document allows use of NEW: this document allows the use of
_______________________________________________ Gen-art mailing list Gen-art@ietf.org https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art
