Hi Elwyn, Thank you for the comments. I apologize for the late reply due to some personal reasons. Please see my reply inline.
2014-01-29 7:25 GMT+08:00, Elwyn Davies <[email protected]>: > > I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on > Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at > > <http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>. > > Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments > you may receive. > > Document: draft-ietf-v6ops-nat64-experience-09.txt > Reviewer: Elwyn Davies > Review Date: 28 January 2014 > IETF LC End Date: 28 January 2014 > IESG Telechat date: (if known) - > > Summary: > Not ready. This document needs a serious rewrite with the assistance of > a mother tongue English speaker. I started doing some of this getting > as far as s3.1.4, however I came to the conclusion that significant > parts of the language were sufficiently unclear that I was unable to > determine the intended meaning. Accordingly I have abandoned the review > and will have another go assuming a rewrite is done. Please consider > whether the title should be modified as noted below. I'm an ESL person. I have incorporated editorial suggestions from the kind working group. We could improve the writing quality with your comments. > Major issues: > > Minor issues: > Title: The title is rather misleading since it the document actually > documents two suggested ways of deploying NAT64 as well as experience of > deploying these solutions. Maybe 'NAT64 Deployment Options and Experience'. I agree with your comments that the title is more accurate as "NAT64 Deployment Options and Experience". > s1: A reference to explain what PDP context etc means in an LTE > environment would be useful. As stated in RFC6459, "A Packet Data Protocol (PDP) context is the equivalent of a virtual connection between the User Equipment (UE) and a PDN using a specific gateway." We could add the reference of RFC6459 when the PDP is first shown in the draft. > s3.1.3: It is stated that placing the NAT64 (middlebox) in a centralized > location would 'reduce the diversity of log format'. I guess what is > possibly being said that is that the network should preferentially use > just one NAT64 box centrally placed rather than several (smaller) boxes > at various edge locations. I think this needs to be explained more > clearly (assuming I have it right). OTOH I would rather expect that > most network owners would go for a single species of NAT64 box so the > diversity of log formats is really a side issue. Your understanding is correct. One single species is desirable. A centralized NAT64 box is easier for operators to just use a single species. we will make following changes: ===OLD It has been observed that the process of correlating log information is problematic from multiple- vendor's equipment due to inconsistent formats of log records. Placing NAT64 in a centralized location may reduce diversity of log format and simplify the network provisioning. ===NEW It has been observed that the process of correlating log information is problematic from multiple- vendor's equipment due to inconsistent formats of log records. Placing NAT64 in a centralized location may be beneficial to operators to use a single species of NAT64 that reduces diversity of log format and simplify the provisioning of networks. > s5.2: The problem here is not specifically geo-location - and since we > normally don't have any mapping between topology and location this seems > inappropriate - but doing host identification (which is what RFC 6967 is > about. Shouldn't this section just be about host identification? There are some use cases to determine user's location depending on IPv6 address, for example lawful interception and navigation services. In my experience, the information of network topology and relevant locations is required to be provided to lawful agency. Map apps can also get user's location information in order to provide navigation service. IPv6 is good for such usages, since it has global meaning. > s8, para 2: >> We configure ULAs as NAT64 prefixes on a NAT64-CGN. > So.. is this a mandatory requirement or just a possibility? It's just a possibility. It actually just describes a test which evaluates the impact of using ULA. > Nits/editorial comments: > > s1, para 1: s/Internet/the Internet/ > > s1, para 2: s/simplify networks provisioning/simplify the provisioning > of networks/, s/confers some benefits to/confers some benefits on/, > s/such mobile/such a mobile/, s/if Long Term/if a Long Term/ > > s3.1.1: s/can be seen with better transparency features/can offer > improved transparency to <state who or what is offered the improved > transparency> / > > s3.1.1: Expand A+P abbreviation. > > s3.3.1: s/IPv4 shortage/IPv4 address shortage/ > > ss3.1.2, 3.1.3 and 3.1.4: These are very long paragraphs. It would be > good to separate the various discussion points into separate paragraphs. > > s3.1.2: "..to enable access of IPv4 only applications" Presumably this > is access to applications running on the IPv4 side from applications on > the IPV6 side... Suggest > "to allow applications running on the IPv6 network to interact with > applications that can only use IPv4 communications or IPv6 applications > that need to communicate using literal IPv4 addresses." > > s3.1.2: s/discover NAT64 prefix/discover the NAT64 prefix/ > > s3.1.2: need a reference for BIND. > > s3.1.2: s/...(BIND) software supports the function./The ... (BIND) > implementation of NAT64 supports this discovery function./ > > s3.1.2:s/Operators should not/Users should not/ perhaps. > > s3.1.2: s/going to IPv4-only service/going to IPv4-only services/ > > s3.1.2: s/restrains NAT uses/restrains NAT usage/ > > s3.1.2: s/all traffic flows have to be traversed and translated./all > traffic flows have to traverse the NAT44 middlebox and be translated > there./ > > s3.1.2: s/may serve a double roles, i.e. a translator and IPv6 > forwarder./may serve a dual role acting as both translator and IPv6 > forwarder./ > > s3.1.2: s/Therefore, both IPv6 and IPv6 > > s3.1.2: > OLD: > In some sense, it encourages IPv6 transmission and restrains NAT uses > compared to NAT44(if used), on which all traffic flows have to be > traversed and translated. In some cases, NAT64-CGN may serve double > roles, i.e. a translator and IPv6 forwarder. In mobile networks, NAT64 > is likely deployed as the default gateway serving for all the IPv6 > traffic. The traffic heading to a dual-stack server is only forwarded on > the NAT64. Therefore, both IPv6 and IPv4 are suggested to be configured > on the Internet faced interfaces of NAT64. We tested on Top100 websites > (referring to [Alexa] statistics). 43% of websites are connected and > forwarded on the NAT64 since those websites have both AAAA and A > records. With expansion of IPv6 supports, the translation process on > NAT64 will likely be faded. In addition, it should be noted the > DNS64-DNSSEC Interaction[RFC6147] may impact the DNS64 process. For > example, DNS64 will not work with the case, where there is a DNS query > with the "DNSSEC OK" (DO) bit set and the "Checking Disabled" (CD) bit > set received. > NEW: > In some sense, it encourages IPv6 transmission and restrains NAT usage > compared to system using NAT44 (if used), on which all traffic flows > have to traverse the NAT44 middlebox and be translated in passing. In > some cases, NAT64-CGN may serve a dual role as both translator and IPv6 > forwarder. In mobile networks, NAT64 is likely deployed as the default > gateway serving all the IPv6 traffic. The traffic heading to a > dual-stack server is only forwarded via the NAT64. Therefore, it is > suggested [or may be RECOMMENDED] that both IPv6 and IPv4 are configured > on the Internet facing interfaces of NAT64 middleboxes. We tested the > configuration of the Top100 websites (as identified in the [Alexa] > statistics). 43% of websites are [Should this be "would be"] connected > and forwarded via NAT64 since those websites have both AAAA and A > records. With the expansion of IPv6 support, the need for the > translation process on NAT64 middleboxes will likely diminish. In > addition, it should be noted that the interaction of DNS64 and DNSSEC > [RFC6147] may impact the DNS64 process. For example, DNS64 will not work > in the case where a DNS query is received that has the "DNSSEC OK" (DO) > bit set and the "Checking Disabled" (CD) bit set. > > > s3.1.3: s/is problematic from multiple-vendor's equipment due to > inconsistent formats of log records./obtained from equipment supplied by > multiple vendors may be problematic due to inconsistent log formats./ Thank you for the detailed suggestion. I have already updated my local copy with your suggestion. It will be updated along with new editorial improvement. > s3.1.3: This gave me a bit of a laugh... So having got over my unstable > user experience (probably due to excessive consumption of beer..) > OLD: > Since the topology on each > path is different, it may cause unstable user experiences and some > degradation of Quality of Experience (QoE) when fallback to the other > protocol is not powerful enough. > NEW: > Since the routes taken by the two traffic sets may be different, > user experiences > may be inconsistent and there may be some > degradation of Quality of Experience (QoE) when fallback to the other > protocol is not sufficiently rapid. [or does this mean that the > alternative route > doesn't have enough capacity] > > Please clarify. It means the alternative route may have less capacity or lower speed. > [I gave up on language corrections at this point as it essentially needs > a serious rewrite.] > > s4.1, last para: Specifying 91.21% of traffic seems inappropriately exact. The discussion in the wg encourage us to share the concrete data for the statement. The statistic is also verified by several mobile operators. > s6.1: It may well be that NAT64-CGN have an FTP ALG .. given the > general view that FTP shouldn't be used it seems peculiar that this is > the only default implementation! > Perhaps a comment about this (and maybe even TURNING OFF the FTP ALG) > seems like an option. The recommendation of avoidance of FTP-ALG use align with RFC6384. Best Regards Gang > > > > _______________________________________________ Gen-art mailing list [email protected] https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art
