Thanks for the nits, Peter. We'll be sure to look at them if the document is open again before being passed to the RFC editor.
Adrian > -----Original Message----- > From: ietf [mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Peter Yee > Sent: 09 December 2014 08:09 > To: [email protected] > Cc: [email protected]; [email protected] > Subject: Gen-ART LC review for draft-ietf-l3vpn-end-system-04 > > I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on Gen-ART, > please see the FAQ at > <http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq> > > Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments you may > receive. > > Document: draft-ietf-l3vpn-end-system-04 > Reviewer: Peter Yee > Review Date: Dec-8-2014 > IETF LC End Date: Dec-8-2014 > IESG Telechat date: TBD > > Summary: This draft is basically ready for publication as a Standards Track > RFC, but > has some nits that should be fixed before publication. [Ready with nits.] > > This draft documents a novel means of using XMPP to signal VPN route > information between VPN Forwarders and End-System Route Servers for use > with BGP IP VPNs. It discussed the requirements on each entity using the > scheme. > > Major issues: > > Minor issues: > > Nits: > > General: Use a comma after i.e. and e.g. > > General: Data center doesn't require a hyphen. Neither does virtual machine. > Wi-Fi does, however. > > Page 3, definition of End-System, 1st sentence: change "which" to "whose". > > Page 4, 4th paragraph, last sentence: replace "recur to" with "rely upon". > > Page 6, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: delete "then". > > Page 10, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: delete redundant "the". > > Page 10, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change "mac-" to "MAC ". Change "a > IEEE" > to "an IEEE". > > Page 11, figure: this figure needs a caption with a figure number. That will > force > an increment of all of the following figure numbers as well. > > Page 16, 1st paragraph after XML, last sentence: change "convinience" to > "convenience". > > Page 16, 2nd paragraph, 3rd sentence: replace the period with a comma and > change the following "Even" to lower case to join the following clause to the > sentence. > > Page 17, 4th paragraph, 2nd sentence: replace "detemined" with "determined". > Replace "an" with "a". > > Page 17, 5th paragraph, 2nd sentence: replace "mapps" with "maps". > > Page 18, Section 8, 4th paragraph, 1st sentence: change "a XMPP" to "an XMPP". > > Page 19, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change "attachement" to "attachment". > > Page 20, 1st full paragraph, 1st sentence: I'm not certain, but would > inserting > "the" before "host" help? Or how about a host number after "host"? > > Page 20, 7th paragraph, 2nd sentence: change "Assuming" to "Assume". > _______________________________________________ Gen-art mailing list [email protected] https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art
