On Thu, 18 Mar 2010 21:39:53 +0100 Sam Geeraerts <sam...@elmundolibre.be> wrote:
> al3xu5 / dotcommon schreef: > > Il giorno giovedì 18/03/2010 10:38:53 CET > > Leo Rockway <l...@kde.org.ar> ha scritto: > > > >> On Thursday 18 March 2010 14:14:07 Karl Goetz wrote: > >>> On Thu, 18 Mar 2010 13:36:26 +0200 Lars Nooden > >>> <lars.cura...@gmail.com> wrote: > >>>> Ok. I have an initial draft for a generic flyer. > >>>> > >>>> http://www-personal.umich.edu/~lars/Flyers/Trifold-A4-gNewSense.odg > >>>> > >>>> I would welcome feedback about what is good, wrong, unclear, > >>>> clear, missing or redundant. [...] > > > > Good! > > > > Just some little proposals, if I can. > > > > - 1st page, front > > Statement: > > "gNewSense is a fully free distribution built on GNU Utilities and > > the Linux Kernel" > > I suggest: > > "gNewSense is a fully free GNU/Linux distribution built on the GNU > > Operating System and the Linux kernel" > > That's double. I'd say: > "gNewSense is a fully free software distribution built on the GNU perhaps 'totally' or 'completely' rather then 'fully'. > > > - 2nd page, right > > This statement seems unclear and misses some words: > > "Recently a series of new and netbooks have started using MIPS, > > such as from the vendors Lemote and Gdium." > > I suggest something like this: > > "Recently new computer and netbook series using MIPS become > > available, such as those from the vendors Lemote and Gdium." 'netbook's are computers. That aside, I'd move the 'series ' over before computer. kk -- Karl Goetz, (Kamping_Kaiser / VK5FOSS) Debian contributor / gNewSense Maintainer http://www.kgoetz.id.au No, I won't join your social networking group
signature.asc
Description: PGP signature
_______________________________________________ gNewSense-users mailing list gNewSense-users@nongnu.org http://lists.nongnu.org/mailman/listinfo/gnewsense-users
