My Debian system's tar identifies itself as "tar (GNU tar) 1.22" and
the output generated with --help includes the following excerpt where
that --no-overwrite-dir option sounds like what you wanted:
Overwrite control:
-k, --keep-old-files don't replace existing files when extracting
--keep-newer-files don't replace existing files that are newer than
their archive copies
--no-overwrite-dir preserve metadata of existing directories
--overwrite overwrite existing files when extracting
--overwrite-dir overwrite metadata of existing directories when
extracting (default)
--recursive-unlink empty hierarchies prior to extracting directory
--remove-files remove files after adding them to the archive
-U, --unlink-first remove each file prior to extracting over it
-W, --verify attempt to verify the archive after writing it
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