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In a groundbreaking decision tonight the Goa Government cabinet enacted a new Law that will make it mandatory for anyone stepping into the water on the beach to wear a Life Jacket.
The Health Minister and the Tourism Minister faced a packed Press Conference today afternoon. Cecil Pinto reporting almost-live for Goa-World.com.
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Question: " Sir, such a Law is not in force anywhere in the world. What was the reason for this decision?"
Health Minister: "We were going through the statistics. Do you know that more people die in Goa of drowning than from motorcycle accidents?"
Question: "Why is this?"
Tourism Minister: "We have such a vast coastline and not enough lifeguards."
Question: "Can't more life guards be trained and hired?"
Tourism Minister: "That is easy for you to say. If we hire more life guards then the old life guards will demand VRS."
Health Minister: "And political parties will want to know why we hired life guards from one community only."
Tourism Minister: "And the life guards will demand high tech watch towers and female lifeguards with sexy swimsuits. Everyone is watching Baywatch these days."
Health Minister: "Besides there is the question of drinking in Goa. Most drowning incidents are related to alcohol consumption. These people who drink do not listen to the advice of the lifeguards."
Tourism Minister: "Yes. They take the law into their own hands and even abuse policemen."
Question: "How do you plan to enforce this law if there are insufficient life guards?"
Tourism Minister: "We are going to have high resolution video cameras on every beach which will be monitored constantly to see if anyone enters the water without a life jacket. And there will be motor boats in the water with sophisticated cameras to spot offenders.'
Question: "Can't all this equipment be used to just spot people who are in danger of drowning by swimming too far out?"
Tourism Minister: "No! The contract has already been given for the equipment."
Question: "What about people who are just wading or dipping their feet in the sea?"
Health Minister: "They too have to wear lifejackets. Children, old people everyone!"
Question: "Even if they are in two inches of water?"
Health Minister: "Obviously you have not heard of the dangerous undercurrents."
Tourism Minister: "What are you trying to say?"
Health Minister: "You know very well!"
Tourism Minister: "Do you know who I am?"
Health Minister: "Everyone knows your background."
Question: "Hello! Hello! Can we get back to the subject at hand? What about river and pool swimming?"
Tourism Minister: "Next year we will bring all swimming pools and rivers also under this rule. And the year after that even San Joao and other such festivities."
Question: "Any exceptions to the rule?"
Tourism Minister: "Yes! All the children who have crossed the Mandovi and have had their photo in the newspapers are exempt from the lifejacket rule. They have to carry a newspaper cutting as identification."
Question: "Any other exceptions?"
Health Minister: "Party hopping politicians also can swim without lifejackets."
Question: "How come?"
Health Minister: "They will not drown. They will float."
Question: "What makes you so sure?"
Health Minister: "---- ------!!!!"
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