Do Lay People Really Understand Their Priests? By Adolf Washington, SAR NEWS
I can never forget the startled looks a young Catholic couple gave me when they found me, as a young deacon, standing in a queue at a cinema hall in Kolar Goldfields, Karnataka. As if looks were not enough, they came up to me and yelled with surprise, "My Gosh! You are here brother… to watch a movie?" They were there for the same reason, too. But they made me feel as guilty as the Samaritan woman at the well. I wished Jesus were around to console me. But he wasn’t. He instead met me on the way after the movie. I found Him in the voice of a Catholic auto-rickshaw driver who identified me. As we drove into a conversation, he said: "Brother, that’s a real good movie...You priests and brothers must see such movies. You have so much of work tensions and worries....After all, what entertainment do you people have....” That conversation convinced me that not all laypeople are the same. On the one extreme, I have found laypeople who are unforgiving, highly demanding and thoroughly critical of Catholic priests. They always expect their parish priest to toe their line. In many parishes, the parish council members tend to misconstrue themselves to be the 'voice of the people' and so, at times fail to serve as collaborators with the parish priest's plans and programmes. They expect the priest to act like a local politician by making him receive endless representations from them saying, "The people feel this way, so we better do this...." When in reality, they would hardly relate with the rest of the community. When the parish council is formed in any parish, there will invariably be some members who come with a preconceived agenda or demand and are never at peace till their demands come through. They try to make the parish priest feel small and insignificant by saying things like, "I am a very senior member of this parish", "My grandfather contributed to the foundation of this church", or they talk of their high qualification or employment status symbols or claim credits like "the former parish priest depended on us for...." They can hardly appreciate anything good in their parish priest. They look only for the dark spots. They enjoy provoking people to seek a replacement of the parish priest and are never happy with any parish priest. To me, the humblest people are always the ones who serve the best. They claim no credits and expect no rewards. They don’t look for publicity or public appreciation. They don't expect their names to be announced on the rooftops. The joy of a unified community and a beautiful and respectful relationship with whom they work, is their greatest fulfillment. Though some people praise, glorify and adore the parish priest in front of him, behind his back they unmindfully engage in gossip, slander and criticism of the priest. What many such laypeople fail to understand is that the long years of training, parochial interactions and a good dose of personal spirituality invariably helps the priest to distinguish the genuine from the fake! Yet, the God-ordained responsibility demands that the priests live with it. And that's the painful challenge of the Catholic priesthood: To Minister to those who love you and love you not. Every priest returns to his bedroom in the silence of the night, either thinking of the unkind things his own parishioners talk about or pluck a good night's sleep thinking of the kind words and support they render. Or maybe, there are those moments when he thinks of his bishop or a brother-priest who has let him down. The problem with some laypeople in our communities is that they expect their pastors to stick to a 24-hour work schedule, sit up to the dictates of everyone in the parish and give up personal study, exercise or hobby time, like a man who once told the cook of a particular parish, "Father never seems to be available at 7.30 a.m." The man never cared if 'father' should go for his morning walk or spend some time with the keyboard. Let me present some sample statements I have heard over the past few years from laypeople themselves. * That priest is having an affair with that lady. She is always found in his office. * I hate that priest; his sermons are so boring. * Oh! That priest, he acts like a dictator! * Look at the way that priest dresses! Where did he get those coolers and clothes? * That priest is too busy; he is never available. * This priest is forever asking for donations. * We have a useless parish priest. * That priest cannot even announce properly. * This priest is a drunkard. * That priest is too short-tempered When a married man indulges in an extramarital affair, the priest with utmost confidentiality works to restore the marital relationship. But when a priest tends to fall, or at least appears to fall, into an unhealthy relationship or a drinking habit, the news spreads like wildfire. Gossip and slander rent the air and anonymous letters do the rounds. Many laypeople tend to magnify the faults of a priest so much that they make his life miserable in the parish instead of helping him come out of his problem. What many laypersons forget is that Jesus chose 12 imperfect people, totally unsuited for the ministry, yet, with love, compassion and a forgiving heart, he taught them to give the best to the world. There is no historical or scriptural evidence that any of the disciples died as perfect people. Imperfection is not alien to the consecrated state. As a newly ordained priest, on the second day at Sacred Heart Church in Bangalore, a whole family met me after Mass in the morning and asked, "Father, were you comfortable last night? Did you get good sleep? I make good pickles. Do you like me to bring some for you? How is your mummy? Give her our love...." People like these accept priests as one of their own. They accept priests as they are. They are those who would defend their priests and say, "It’s okay if this priest doesn’t preach well, at least he talks sweetly with the people he meets." They are those who would say, "Poor father, he must have slept late, what’s the problem if the morning Mass began five minutes late?" Or, "Father must be counseling that young lady everyday, why should we doubt their meeting?" "It’s okay if father didn’t accept our suggestion, may be, he has some other plans...." The Lord chooses every priest from among human families. In answering the call of priesthood, the priest does not get a halo around his head. He journeys with his imperfections towards perfection. On this journey, the priest requires the active and compassionate support of a parish community, an understanding superior/bishop and the companionship of his brother priests. He requires people who dialogue with him rather than gossip, collaborate rather than control, forgive rather than frustrate. I do not buy the idea that spiritual leaders require a higher degree of spirituality or talent than the people they lead. That will put me on a pedestal and I will never be able to see the holier and talented people in my parish community. I will begin to act like I have the solutions to all problems. Pride will overshadow my spirituality. I will fall, and the fall will be great. I strongly believe spiritual progress is always mutual. It is not just God and me, but it is me, my confreres, my bishop and my people. If they can imprint the joys of their spiritual life upon me and I upon them, then we grow together in spirituality and what we have at the end of the day is a community of love, of forgiveness and of mutual cooperation, not control. -------------------------------------------------------------------- [The writer is the parish priest of St. Peters Church in Bangalore Archdiocese. He is also managing director of SAR News and vice-president of the Indian Catholic Press Association.]