-------------------------------------------------------------------------- | Goanetters annual meet in Goa is scheduled for Dec 27, 2005 @ 4pm | | | | Watch this space for more details | | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------- VISION - GOA 2010
By Averthanus L. D'Souza The Goa Government has constituted a "Knowledge Commission" to prepare a 'Vision Document' for Goa so that the State can be 'positioned in the knowledge economy.' This is, indeed, an innovative and laudable move and Goa is, (once again) the first State in India to set up such a Commission. Being knowledge deficient myself, there is not much that I can contribute to the eventual Vision Document; but being somewhat of a visionary (who isn't?) I can see a Vision already unfolding. You might be able to recognize it too. By the year 2010, Goa will have the Churchill Alemao International Airport at Dabolim to cater to the needs of the Tourism industry in South Goa, including, of course, the Taxi drivers/owners, whose rude behaviour and exorbitant fares are guaranteed to kill the tourism trade. Likewise, there will be the Pratapsing Raoji Rane International Airport at Mopa, to service the tourism industry in Maharashtra, and, incidentally, also in North Goa. Not to be left out, there will also be a Manohar Parrikar nationalist (N.B.) Airport on the Kadamba Plateau to serve Central Goa and to facilitate the quick arrival and departure of 'nationalist' RSS, VHP and Hindu Jagran Manch activists from neighbouring Maharashtra and Karnataka to destroy the heritage monuments which remind them of Portuguese colonial rule in Goa. They will also assist the local hoi polloi in damaging street name plates which bear 'foreign' names and replace them with nationalist names. They can quickly despoil art treasures, which, again, are reminiscent of foreign rule, and sell them in the international market for fantastic prices. All sales proceeds to go to the RSS/BJP promotion fund. With two international and one 'nationalist' airport, Goa will have the unique distinction of having the largest number of take-offs and landings anywhere in the world. It will feature in the Guinness Book of World Records Goa will also have, by 2010, a Skybus (courtesy of Manohar Parrikar) connecting Margao, Ponda, Panjim, Mapusa and Bicholim to transport commuters from one town to another at exorbitant prices, naturally. In addition, Goa will also have a monorail system (courtesy of P.R. Rane) running parallel to the Skybus (or above or below it ) along the very same routes to give the citizens a choice as to the mode of transport they prefer to use. With public and private buses, taxis, monorail, and skybus services, Goa will be the only State with a multi-mode transportation system unequalled anywhere else in the country - or in the world ! To promote tourism in Goa, our Tourism Department will requisition another two or three unusable ships like the River Princess (salvage them from the bottom of the Indian Ocean, if required) and position them at strategic places along the coast. These will be converted into off-shore casinos which will provide the best alcohol in the world, courtesy of the King of Good Times. These off- shore casinos will also have helipads, which will allow direct access from Mopa, Dabolim or Kadamba, so that the roads in Goa are not further stressed. These off-shore casinos, of course, will be restricted to tourists, who will have to prove that they are not resident in Goa. This will prevent the local youth from being corrupted by the culture of gambling and drinking which is the hallmark of casinos all over the world, but which the Government of Goa is committed to eradicate. Bureaucrats of the Goa Government, and Ministers, who are shareholders in these casinos, will be allowed free access to monitor their activities, to earn a few extra bucks by gambling, and, generally, to ensure that foreign exchange is 'flowing' into the State's Exchequer. As a further boost to tourism, the Goa Government will appoint Ingo Grill as the Director of Tourism, so that with his administrative and organizational skills he will set up Monday night, Tuesday night, Wednesday night, Thursday night, Friday night and Saturday night bazaars in different parts of Goa. Sunday nights, of course, will be reserved to count the 'earnings' from the daily bazaars, and to distribute the profits to the political shareholders. The Director General of Police will issue instructions to the local police stations to stay away from the bazaars in order not to adversely affect the drug trafficking which is the mainstay of the bazaars business. Of course they will be allowed to intervene if the agreed percentage of profits is not deposited with the police on schedule. Ingo will be given sole rights to run this enterprise and no Goan will be allowed to serve as a 'front' for the operations. Amendments will be made to The Panchayats Act, to ensure that Ingo's bazaars are excluded from the jurisdiction of all local Panchayats. Ingo will allocate, at his sole discretion, the different bazaars to the Israeli, Russian, German, British and other mafias. No Goan or Indian mafia will be allowed to organize or run any bazaar anywhere in Goa in competition with Ingo's Bazaar, which is protected by an implicit, unregistered patent. All the bars in Goa (including the village tavernas) will be allowed to employ "Bar Girls" with no holds barred. After all, this will provide 'gainful' employment to these girls, who have no other skills. India Today will, once again, have the opportunity to rate Goa as the first State to provide employment to 'bar girls' who are being discriminated against in all the other States in India. Since the Government of Goa has not yet been able to identify suitable sites for the disposal of municipal solid wastes, the 'Old Secretariat Building' which is an heritage structure (and, therefore, abhorrent to the RSS) which is now out of use, will be placed at the disposal of the Director of Municipal Administration to serve as a centralized garbage conversion plant. This garbage conversion plant will be given to RSS contractors from Mumbai for an indefinite period, as it will be, most undeniably, a "rashtriya seva" enterprise. Moreover, the 'unacceptable' heritage will now have been 'converted' into a nationalist monument. Apart from providing a nationalist service, the plant will also prove to be a tourist attraction and the odours emanating from the plant will be captured in containers to be called "Ponji chi pormou" which will be more attractive than "Evening in Paris" or "Evening in Cannes" This will be in keeping with the Government's endeavour to make Panaji competitive with Paris and Cannes, or any other European city for that matter. Having decided to become the major provider of employment for its citizens, the Goa Government will increase the police force to achieve the unequalled (anywhere else in the world) ratio of two policemen for every citizen. This will, again, place Goa in the top ranking in a future India Today survey. In addition, the government will absorb into the bureaucracy all those citizens who, because of their lack of education or training, cannot find gainful employment in the private sector. Since all Cabinet decisions are made by circulation (and not at well-prepared Cabinet meetings), and since, notwithstanding the existence of a Cabinet, each Minister is free to do whatever s/he likes, the Goa Government will abolish the Cabinet as an instrument of governance and leave the Chief Minister to make all policy decisions in consultation with his party's High Command. Since it is the High Command which makes all policy decisions for Goa, anyway, having a Cabinet is totally redundant. Laws have become serious impediments for the achievement of the dreams of the elected representatives of the people. They find it time-consuming and enervating to circumvent the provisions of the Law or to exploit the loopholes. By 2010, Goa will have no more Laws, and inconvenient Laws like the Town and Country Planning Act, 1974 will be repealed to allow the concerned Ministers to bring about a glorious and economically powerful Goa which will be the pride of India. Goa will be, in 2010, the unique State in India, in which, (to quote Dr. Nandakumar Kamat), the politicians have taken the dream of the citizens and have "converted" it into a Nightmare. Mr. Averthanus L. D'Souza, D-13, La Marvel Colony, Dona Paula, Goa 403 004. Tel: 2451085; 2453628. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- | Goa - 2005 Santosh Trophy Champions | | | | Support Soccer Activities at the grassroots in our villages | | Vacationing in Goa this year-end - Carry and distribute Soccer Balls | --------------------------------------------------------------------------
