[Goanet] SOIRIKEN KAZAR (Arranged marriage) ? Part 3

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------------------------------------------------------------------------SOIRIKEN KAZAR (Arranged marriage) – Part 3

“KAZARACHI VOVLIK” (Wedding Invitation)

Nobody printed invitation cards then.  Even relatives abroad, including 
Bombay, were informed and invited for the wedding through letters.  A person 
who was familiar with the whole ward was asked to go around and invite 
people for “Bhikareanchem Jevonn”, “Ros” and wedding.  If no one was at 
home, he plucked a “talli” (branch) from a nearby tree and stuck it in the 
main door key-hole.  When the person(s) returned home and found the branch, 
they asked other neighbors who had come around and got the message.  
Actually, the entire village was invited by default.  For close relatives, 
the invitation through a messenger was not enough; bride’s/groom’s parents 
or next of kin had to extend wedding invitation personally or else they 
would not attend.

A person was dispatched on foot to invite far away relatives.  In the 
1950’s, anyone who had a bicycle was assigned the task.  In the 1960’s, with 
the arrival of the motorcycle, the task became easier.  I have done such 
tasks on my bicycle in the 1950’s and 1960’s, and on my motorcycle from the 
mid 1960’s after my father brought me a Honda motorcycle from Kuwait in 
1965.  During the same period, “Basurkarn” (Basurkar’s wife) made use of the 
few Ambassador or Fiat cars to go around inviting far away relatives and 
friends.  The “Basurkarn” was accompanied by one or two of her female 
relatives.  In those days it was compulsory to wear flowers on the head 
while on a “vovlik” mission, preferably a “zuvianchi panti” (arrangement of 
jasmine flowers sewn in a line) was tucked to hair or on a “xenddo” (a lock 
of hairs) with a bobby pin.

The people in those days were compassionate.  The person, who went around 
inviting people, especially in far away places, was treated very nicely.  If 
he reached a residence between 9:00 and 10:00 a.m. they forced him to have 
“pez”; if he entered a house after 12:00 p.m. they forced him to have lunch, 
and in the afternoon, they offered him tea/coffee with biscuits or whatever 
home-made sweets they had, including konngeo (sweet potatoes.)  Practically, 
every house offered him a glass of water or “xerbot”.  I just loved the 
assignment.

The invitation was extended thus:

Messenger:  “Hanv kazarachi vovlik ghevn eilam.”  (I have come to invite you 
for the wedding.)

Host:  “Konnanchem kazar re baba?”  (Whose wedding is it?)

Messenger:  “Anjunchea Roque-chea cheddeachem” (Roque’s son’s from Anjuna.)

“Budvaradis, donparchea bara horar bhikareanchem jevonn; Sonvaradis, 
sanjechea sadde sat horar ros; Aitaradis, sanjechea panch horar Anjuna Sam 
Mingueliche igorjent resper ani uprant ratchea nov horar novreager kazar.  
Tumi sogott kazarak ieat ham!”

(On Wednesday, food for the beggars will be served at 12:00 p.m; on 
Saturday, ‘ros’ ceremony at 7:30 p.m; on Sunday, the nuptials will be 
celebrated at St. Michael’s Church in Anjuna and then a reception will be 
held at the groom’s place at 9:00 p.m.  Please come for the wedding and 
reception.)

BHIKAREANCHEM JEVONN (Food for the beggars)

Bhikareanchem jevonn (food for the beggars) was offered on any one of the 
days on an afternoon in the week preceding a wedding, except on Thursdays 
and Fridays, with only a few beggars in attendance – most of the crowd were 
neighbors and relatives in the name of beggars.  In Anjuna and in 
surrounding villages, it was mostly given on a Wednesday.  Besides beef, 
pork and fish dishes, the specialty of the “jevonn” was “sukim sungttam ani 
suke ambeache padd’dde ghalun sambareachi koddi ani tachea barabor ukddem 
xit ani achar ani uprant vorn” (fried massala curry with dried prawns and 
dried mango seeds and paraboiled rice and pickles to go with it, and then a 
sweet dish called “vorn”.)  This luncheon was offered in memory of the 
dearly departed souls.

Everyone was required to sit on the floor on a “souem” (large bamboo mat; 
usually used for “movnni” [thrashing of the paddy by feet] at harvesting 
time).  People sat either cross-legged or with legs tucked behind.  The food 
was served on “cajuchea panancheo boxeo” (cashew leaf plates) known as 
“potralleo”, the oldest form of plates used by Goans since time immemorial, 
and they are still in use with the Hindu community in Goa; they use them to 
serve food at every religious ceremony as well as at wedding functions.  
These plates were mostly prepared by the Hindus.  During my childhood, some 
Hindu families in Gaumvaddy were engaged full time in weaving these plates, 
as they were much in demand then.  “Potralleo” makers went up the hill, 
plucked fresh leaves from cashew trees, placed them in a gunny bag and 
brought them home.  They dipped the leaves in water in a “baldi” (bucket) to 
wash away the dirt and then began to sew them together with pieces of “ir” 
(hard part of stalk of palm leaf.)  Nowadays, we use disposable paper plates 
but in those days everyone used “potralleo” which were also disposable; they 
were sold in bundles of hundreds.

Hardly anybody believes in such a “bhikareanchem jevonn” these days.  
However, whenever something goes wrong with a marriage, people start 
gossiping thus:  “Zannaim mungo Ispu, tea Girgolache cheddeak ani sunek 
bilkul poddonam; hanvem aikolam tim doxim zavpak asat mhunnon.  Boro ugddas 
eilo; tanchea kazarak bhikareanchem jevonn ghalunk naslem; dekunuch mista 
hem sogllem ghoddta.”  (Do you know Espy, that Gregory’s son and 
daughter-in-law do not get along well; I heard they are about to get 
separated.  That reminds me; they didn’t offer a luncheon for the beggars at 
their wedding; maybe that’s why all these things are happening.)

Relatives and well-wishers brought “saguad” (gifts) like big “Kaisucheo 
korleo”, “muddoxeanchi vo xevtteanchi ganton” (lady fish put together with a 
piece of “gabo”), “moddso”, “visvonn” (kingfish),  “kelleancho guallo” 
(whole bunch of bananas), etc.

‘ROS’ CEREMONY

According to Goan traditions, the bride and groom are required to bathe in 
coconut juice (mixed with water) on the night prior to the wedding in 
her/his house.  Relatives, friends and neighbors join in to pour coconut 
juice over the bride/groom, as per the custom. Afterwards, dinner is served 
to all.  The outfits worn during the coconut juice bath have to be given 
away and not kept in the house, as it is believed it brings bad luck. After 
the bath, the bride and groom are not supposed to leave the house till they 
leave for the church on the next day.  In the past, they became totally 
incommunicado but today they can keep in touch with each other through 
telephone/cell phone!

The ceremony of applying coconut milk and the luxurious bath that follows is 
a grand preparation for the wedding day; it’s all about purifying oneself 
for the big day.  In the olden days, the application of “ros” meant sign of 
purity - that the girl and boy are pure; this may sound absurd today but it 
was possible then.  It’s a ritual where the bride/groom is ceremoniously 
massaged with coconut juice. It is meant to make the skin smooth and soft, 
especially for the bride.  In days gone by, there was no special make up or 
hair style on a wedding day.  As such, neither the bride nor the groom was 
bothered about the after effect of coconut juice massage on her/his face or 
hair.  Today, both are equally concerned, especially the bride who fears the 
skin on her face may crack and her hair may become rough and turn into a 
mess on the wedding day!

The bride and brides maid/the groom and best man are made to sit opposite 
the home altar on two "bankinam" (small flat wooden stools).

Two "vattleo" (brass plates) – nowadays any large bowls are used - filled 
with “ros” are placed in front of them.

The “ros” ceremony begins with special singers singing “zoti” (ros-related 
Konkani songs).  Every time a relative approaches the bride/groom to apply 
“ros,” his/her relationship is mentioned in the line of the song.  Nowadays, 
hardly anyone knows to sing “zoti” and that’s because nobody takes interest 
in such traditional routines; thus, centuries old tradition is slowly coming 
to an end.

The “ros” is first applied by the mother and father of the bride/groom 
followed by married family couples, brothers, sisters, the elders, 
relatives, friends and neighbors. The mother/father first makes a sign of 
the cross on the forehead of the bride/groom with ros and while doing so 
he/she says "Saiba moje dhuvecher/putacher bessanv ghal.”  (Lord, bless my 
daughter/son).

In case mother or father is a widow/widower, the eldest daughter and 
son-in-law, or daughter-in-law and son give the lead, as a widow/widower 
cannot lead such a ceremony - it is considered a bad sign.  She/he then 
pours some “ros” on the head and applies it to other parts of the body.

Each relative/friend/neighbor drops a coin in the “ros” container, takes a 
palm full of “ros” and massages the bride/groom.  Some just do the formality 
- dip their fingers in the bowl, touch the cheeks and walk away.  But many 
close relatives, friends and next door neighbors do the real massaging of 
each part of the body along with comments thus:

They pour juice on the head, massage it and say: “Tokli thond uronk” (To 
keep your head cool).

They massage the eyes and say:  “Dixtt vaddonk” (To improve the eyesight).

They massage the ears and say:  “Borem aikonk” (To improve hearing).

They massage the nose and say:  “Nakache pudd ugtte zavnk ani borem ungunk” 
(To clear the nostrils and sniff good things).

They massage the cheeks and say:  “Gal anik bore porzollunk” (For cheeks to 
shine more brightly).

They massage the hands and say: “Zaitem kam korunk zai dekun hath ghott 
assonk zai” (There is lot of work to do; hence, you must have strong hands).

They massage the legs and say: “Paem ghott zavnk zai, maimger cholon ievnk" 
(Your legs must become strong to come walking to your mother's house).

They massage the back and say: "Patticho kon’no ghott asonk zai, pattir 
vozon ghevnk" (Your backbone must be strong to carry load).

Some women place their hand inside bride’s dress, massage the chest and say: 
“Hord’dem ghott zavnk zai, bhurgeak subeij dudh mellonk” (Your chest must be 
strong to produce more milk for the child); etc.

Participants, especially the elders, utter while applying the “ros”: 
"Tumcher Devachem bessanv poddonv” (may God bless you.).  Obviously, the 
parents and everyone present for the “ros” wish the bride/groom all the best 
in her/his married life.  Marriage is a cross which one has to carry from 
the day he/she joins hands in the holy matrimony until death do them part.  
Hence, all the more reason to pray to God!

When the ceremony is over, the woman who had ground “ros,” collects the 
bowls and gets to keep the money for her.

“Ros” also symbolically signals an end to spinsterhood/bachelorhood days.  
In days of yore, only coconut milk was applied and surely decently.  These 
days there is an element of fun to it and pranksters get away by applying 
"ghons" (black carbon from under the utensils) to the face, smashing of eggs 
and tomatoes on the head; pouring beer and what not on the head, which the 
elders detest because it spoils the purification process.  Some elders 
request the crowd prior to the commencement of the ceremony not to indulge 
in such mischievous practices during the “ros” application, but they are 
free to play any pranks they wish once the “ros” application ceremony is 
over and the bride/groom leaves for the royal bath where again “zoti” are 
sung and parents pour the first "tambieo" (small copper pot) of water on the 
bride's/groom's head followed by next of kin and close relatives; close 
friends and neighbors also join in.

Home made "PUDDE" is a must at a Goan Ros function.  Usually, relatives and 
next door neighbors assemble at the bride's/groom's house in order to 
prepare “pudde.”  It is a simple cake made of "patoll tandullanchem pit" 
(thinly ground rice) with shredded coconut mixed with jaggery.  A thin layer 
of “tandullanchem pit” is applied on fresh jackfruit tree leaves, the 
filling (shredded coconut mixed with jaggery) is placed in the middle of the 
leaf which is then folded into a cone and pinned with pieces of "ir" 
resulting into a “Puddo.”  “Pudde” are placed inside of a "konfro" on a 
round plate in the middle, above boiling water, and the lid is then closed.  
The steam inside “konfro” cooks the “pudde.”  As a prank, folks prepare at 
least a couple of “pudde” with salt instead of jaggery.  Whoever gets them 
becomes the laughing stock!

The “ros” ceremony takes place only once in life time – a widow/widower or 
divorcee who remarries cannot repeat the ceremony.

“KAZARACHO MATTOV ANI NETTOVNNI” (Wedding pavilion and decoration)

Today, if you have money, you can buy anything.  The more money you spend, 
the better things you get.  Each parish now has a wedding hall.  In Anjuna 
church compound, we have “CECILIA da GAMA PINTO MEMORIAL HALL”, which was 
built in memory of the late Miss Cecilia, daughter of the late Dr. Olencio 
da Gama Pinto.  The first wedding hall that came up in Mapusa in the mid 
1960’s was “SIRSAT HALL” in Sirsat Building, above Sirsat Lodge, followed by 
“ANDREW’S HALL” in Duler in the 1970’s.  Since then several wedding halls 
have mushroomed all over Bardez and its vicinity, the most famous of them 
being “EMERALD LAWNS” and “ALVA MAR” in Parra – the former is run by Alex 
Saldanha, son of Jerome J. Saldanha – owner of Saldanha Institute, and the 
latter is owned by the Santiago Family; “SEVERINE GARDENS” in Duler – it is 
owned by Diogo Junior, fondly known to all as “Babush” - the proprietor of 
Café St. Xavier; “TERRY’S MARVEL” at Peddem, Mapusa; “RENDEZ VOUS” at St. 
Inez, to name a few.  The last five open air venues are considered posh 
locations where the rates are between Rs.200 and 250 per head, which are 
inclusive of a buffet and soft and hard drinks.  At this rate, one spends at 
least one hundred thousand rupees for a wedding reception of a crowd between 
400 and 500 persons.

The one good thing I like about “RENDEZ VOUS” venue is the hill from which 
the bride and groom walk down the steps as if descending Mount Calvary.  The 
focus of light on the bridal couple and the crowd as they descend the hill 
with fireworks display in the background in the skies creates a magnificent 
feeling among the guests present.  However, there is one disadvantage at 
such venues – the crowd is spread out over a large area which makes it 
difficult to meet relatives and friends.  In days gone by, relatives, 
neighbors and friends met and sat under one roof, the “mattov”, where 
everyone greeted and enquired about each other.  Those on the dancing floor 
looked around while they danced and waved at people whom they had missed to 
meet earlier.  A wedding was an occasion to meet and socialize and spend 
time together.  If the elderly didn’t come across their peers, they would 
call their children and enquire:

Elderly:  Baba Duming, koso asa puta?  Paichi chitt eilea mur’re baba?  To 
kosso asa ani kednam suttier ghora ietolo?   (Domnic, how are you my son?  
Did you receive your father’s letter?  How is he and when will he come down 
on vacation?)

Domnic:  Hanv asa boro timaim.  Paichi chitt eilea; to asa boro.  To fuddlea 
vorsa suttier ghora ietolo.  (I am fine.  We received father’s letter; he, 
too, is fine.  He will come home on vacation next year.)

Elderly:  Tuji maim disonk nam xi; kazarak ievnk nam kitem?  (I didn’t see 
your mother; didn’t she come for the wedding?)

Domnic:  Amchea vaddean aiz anik ek kazar asa; maim tea kazarak gelea.  
(There is another wedding in our ward; mother has gone for that wedding.)

Elderly:  Hanvem aikolelem tuji akoi bori nam mhunn.  Atam ti koxi asa puta? 
 (I had heard that your father’s sister was not well.  How is she now my 
son?)

Domnic:  Ti atam adlea poros ekdom bori asa.  Dev borem korum.  (She is much 
better now.  Thank you.

Elderly:   Maink hanvem vincharlea mhunnon sang ani soglleam ghorcheank 
amcho recad dhi, ani akoik vincharlea mhunn sangonk visronaka.  (Tell your 
mother I enquired about her and give our regards to all at home, and don’t 
forget to tell your aunt that I enquired about her.)

This is how people interacted and kept their relationship warm which is not 
the case today.

In the past, no halls were available.  Weddings were held either in houses 
or in a “mattov” (pavilion).  If a wedding was held inside a house, a 
“souem” (large bamboo mat) was spread on the floor to avoid damage to 
“xennachi zomin” (cow dung floor).  Bits of wax were strewn on the “souem” 
to smoothen it for dancing purpose.

If a wedding was held outside a house, all the men from the neighborhood 
would gather and erect a “kazaracho mattov” (wedding pavilion) in front of 
the house.  They used coconut tree rafters as pillars and “mani” (bamboo) 
for the framework.  They arranged a kind of skirting from the ground out of 
bamboos and konn’nnam (woven coconut tree leaves).  They covered the top of 
the pavilion with long strips of white bed sheets which were stitched 
together; the top border of the “mattov” was decorated with fringes; net 
curtains were hung all around the pavilion which were further decorated with 
bunches of balloons in different colors and sizes.  In one of the corners of 
the “mattov”, they erected a small stage for the band from where the 
musicians played their natural blowing instruments like saxophone, trumpet, 
flute, clarinet and drums and entertained the crowd.

One of the active members from the ward went to Mapusa and bought one bundle 
of thick thread and several folds of crepe papers in different plain colors 
- red, green, blue, violet, pink, yellow, etc. as well as striped crepe 
papers.  Young boys and girls gathered in the house and began to cut and 
join crepe paper strips with “xitache gotte” (grains of rice) in desired 
lengths.  The interior of the house was decorated first.  Boys stood on 
chairs or climbed a “nisonn” (ladder), hammered nails into the walls and 
fixed the thread from one corner to the other according to the pattern of 
decoration.  The folds of cut paper were then released into long strips and 
arranged in the manner in which they were to be used.  Once they finished 
decorating the interior and exterior (verandah/balcony) of the house, they 
began decoration of the “mattov.”

Once paper decoration was over, they would begin to blow balloons and fix 
them in bunches all over the “mattov” as well as in the interior and 
exterior of the house.  The main entrance pillars were decorated with the 
halves of “chudd’ttam” (coconut leaves).  They were cut and separated in the 
middle and each half was twisted around the rafters and tied.  Leaves of 
ferns plants were fixed to all the pillars in an “X” shape and thin strips 
of crepe paper were thrown on them as décor.  Boys removed “bendor” 
(parasite plants) from nearby mango trees, arranged them into round bunches, 
hung them from the ceiling of the pavilion at different spots with a piece 
of “sumb” and decorated them with fine strips of crepe paper in different 
colors.

The youngsters joked and sang songs during decoration and made the whole 
atmosphere lively.  They were looked after well with "xerbot", soup and 
meals.  At the end of the job, the head of the family patted them on their 
back for a job well done.  If he happened to be a “Basurkar”, he placed a 
bill of Rs.10 into one of the boy’s hands and said:  “Hea poixeancheo 
chokletti vikteo ghevn khaiat” (Buy some chocolates for you with this 
money.)

Children were the happiest lot around with nothing much to do except trying 
to blow air into balloons, which always remained an incomplete mission for 
them, as they either didn’t have enough strength to blow air into them, or 
when they managed to blow some air into the balloons, they slipped off from 
their hands in a jiffy and flew away, or too much air burst them.  They 
were, however, assigned the job of arranging chairs which they gladly did.  
In those days, chairs were not easily available on hire.  People borrowed 
chairs from their neighbors.  Our house had the most “rotasanvancheo kodeli” 
(wooden chairs with rattan woven seats and backs) in the ward - 16 chairs in 
all plus a “rotasanvancho” 3-seater-sofa with two chairs ani “volteram” 
(easy chairs); they were always in high demand for any function in the ward.

Today, due to availability of electricity, people illuminate their houses 
and compounds with various light fittings, including dazzling serial lights 
which mesmerize the eyes.  In days of yore, folding type round “lampianv” 
(lantern) made of paper with different printed designs and colors were hung 
all around a “mattov”.  A candle was lit in the middle of a “lampianv” and 
the illumination lasted as long as the candles lasted.  Some people placed 
small “mathiecheo pontteo” (lamps made of clay) either on the ground or on a 
wooden “banc” (bench) on either side of the entrance of the “mattov” and lit 
them at night.  They lasted as long as “khobreachem tel” (coconut oil) 
lasted in them, provided there was no breeze.

A newly married couple considered itself lucky if they got a chance to 
attend a wedding soon after theirs.  Such attendance was called:  “Poilo 
mattov korop” (To attend the first wedding after one’s own).  The newly 
married couple was welcomed and treated as special guests.  Of course, 
everyone was happy to meet with them and enquired:  “Kazari jivit koxem 
cholta baba/baie?”  (How is married life?)  To which they replied shyishly:  
“Borem cholta gha/ghe.” (It’s going well.)   Some men would look at the 
groom’s eyes and say:  “Tuje dolle suzlele distat mur’re; ratchi nid sarki 
poddonam kitem?”  (Your eyes look swollen; don’t you get proper sleep at 
night?”  They would look at the bride and say:  “Tum khup thoklelem dista 
mungo baie.  Novro ratcho chodd sotaita kitem?  (You look very tired.  Does 
the groom trouble you too much at night?)

VOKLECHI NESOVNNI (Bride’s garments)

Nowadays, the groom dispatches a well-decorated latest posh, white Toyota 
Camry or Toyota Corolla or a Mitsubishi Lancer car or a modified 1950’s 
antique white Chevrolet/Cadillac or Consul to the bride’s residence along 
with groom’s sister and a beautician to dress up the bride.  They carry with 
them bride’s wedding dress, tulle, bouquet, gold ornaments, powder, 
lipstick, rouge, nail polish, comb, hair dryer and other personal 
belongings, including inner garments.  Usually, all this stuff is packed in 
a suitcase and kept in the ‘diky’ (hood) of the car.

In days of yore, prior to the availability of the car, the groom’s sister 
along with another female companion covered the distance from the groom’s 
house to the bride’s on foot. They were accompanied by another female, 
usually a “sotrikarn” (the woman who carried an umbrella.) She carried a 
“pett” (trunk) on her head containing bride’s wedding dress and other 
garments, gold ornaments, bobby pins, powder, etc.  The moment the three 
women left the groom’s house, a barrage of crackers were fired which was an 
indication that groom’s people left for the bride’s house with “voklechi 
nesovnni” (bride’s garments).

If the the boy and girl belonged to two different far away places, the women 
traveled say from Salcete to Bardez on the previous day by the only 
available carreira (bus) service and spent the night in one of the houses in 
groom’s neighborhood, which would have been arranged by the groom and his 
family members.  Sometimes, people walked from Tiswaddi to Bardez with 
voklechi nesovnni.

WEDDING BLESSING RITES

As soon as the bride is dressed up and before she proceeds to the car to go 
to church to attend the nuptials, she is made to stand "ghorchea altara 
mukar" (in front of home altar) for “Bessanv” (blessing).  Candles are lit 
at the altar.  The groom, too, receives “bessanv’ in the same manner.

Until the early 1960's, the only photo that was taken on the auspicious day, 
was a wedding photo that, too, in a studio.  But today, the camera man and 
videographer arrive at a bride's place well in advance and begin to click 
photos and video film right from the time the bride begins to dress up until 
she leaves the house.  If the same photographer/videographer is hired by 
both the parties, as soon as he finishes clicking photos and video filming 
at the bride’s, he rushes to the groom’s place for the “bessanv.”  The 
clicking and filming continues in the church and ends up in the reception 
hall.  Times have really changed!

Besides relatives and friends, neighbors from the ward also come to give 
“Bessanv” to the "vokol" (bride) because she was a part of the community 
from her childhood until she grew up.  Now that she chose a life time 
partner, she has to leave the place and shift to her husband's.  Therefore, 
the neighbors feel it is their duty to wish her last good-bye as a spinster; 
hence, they join in the last farewell wish to the bride along with her 
parents, relatives and friends.

It is still a fashion in Goa to give a gift to the bride/groom at the 
“Bessanv” mostly in the form of cash which is placed in bride's/groom's hand 
along with blessing.  In the past, people placed chear annem, att annem vo 
ek rupia (four anas, eight anas or one rupee) coins; some old folks still 
place 50 paise or 1 rupee coins and so do children.  Nowadays, it is mostly 
bills - Rs.50, 100 or 500; seldom, people place Rs.5 or Rs.10 bills.  
Relatives and friends from far away places who do not wish to return to the 
house after the nuptials or will not be present for the wedding reception, 
hand in their gifts at “Bessanv” rites.

No special prayers are said at “Bessanv” before the bride leaves for the 
church.  However, here is the order of blessing as I recall:

1)  The parents - father followed by mother.  The moment the bride sees her 
parents she cries and sobs and things get worse when mother blesses her – 
both end up wailing, as their hearts cry out at the final parting from 
mother’s house; father controls himself but one cannot avoid noticing tears 
rolling down his cheeks.

2)  The grandparents - grandfather followed by grandmother

3)  The eldest brother and his wife, if married, followed by other brothers 
and their wives.

4)  The sisters and their husbands

5)  Brothers' children - beginning from the oldest to the youngest

6)  Sisters' children - beginning from the oldest to the youngest

7)  Uncles and aunts - paternal followed by maternal

8)  Cousins - beginning with the first and followed by the second, third, 
etc.

9)  Bride's relatives - beginning with the eldest and followed by the 
youngest

10)  Elderly neighbors followed by other neighbors

11)  Friends in general.

Once the blessing was over, the bride/groom proceeded to the church either 
on foot or in a “boilanchi gaddi” (bullock ridden carriage); cars were a 
rarity until the mid 1950’s.

The groom and “deddo” (best man) went to church separately, as the bride and 
groom were not supposed to see each other for 24 hours before the wedding; 
it was considered bad luck.  They waited at the entrance of the church.  The 
“deddo” held flower bouquet in his hand and eagerly waited for the moment to 
hand in the bouquet to the bride and steal a kiss from her, a privilege 
which was sometimes misused, as there were a few incidents where best men 
had run away with the bride!

Once the bride arrived at the church and the best man handed the bouquet to 
her, everyone entered the church; father gave away the bride and soon the 
wedding ceremony began with a beautiful village choir.  Sometimes an outside 
choir was hired, e.g., Johnson’s choir from Siolim; it added a special 
effect to the whole ceremony.

The couple proceeded to the main altar and the mass began.  They exchanged 
vows but did not kiss.  The celebration of “resper” (nuptials) was marked 
with the ringing of the church bells and a barrage of fire crackers.  I 
simply loved the ringing of Anjuna church bells which was something like 
this:  Ttanv-ttanv, ti-ttanv, ti-ttanv; ttanv-ttanv, ti-ttanv, ti-ttanv, 
ti-ttanv; ttanv-ttanv, ti-ttanv, ti-ttanv, ti-ttanv, ti-ttanv; 
ttanv-ttanv-ttanv-ttanv, ti-ttanv, ti-ttanv, ti-ttanv; ttanv, etc.  Once the 
mass was over, the couple went inside the church premises and signed the 
roster; two men, one from each side, also signed the roster as witnesses.  
Both family members wish the bridal couple well and hug and kiss each other 
in excitement of the new relationship.  Once the bridal couple exits the 
church, everyone greets them as well as their parents and close relatives.

WEDDING PHOTO FOLLOWED BY “VHOR” (BRIDE’S ENTRY INTO THE HOUSE)

No sooner the nuptials ceremony was over; the couple proceeded to a studio 
to click a wedding photo.  After the photo-clicking session was over, the 
bridal couple accompanied by their near and dear ones arrived at the 
bridegroom’s house for the reception.  Little children bearing an angelic 
appearance lined up on the entrance steps holding lighted candles in their 
tiny hands to receive the newly weds who entered the house with a thundering 
applause from all present.  The groom’s mother held a “dhumpel” (thurible) 
in her hands with burning incense in it and waited at the door.  While the 
bride put forth her right foot through the main door, the mother-in-law made 
circular motions of “dhumpel” around the couple’s heads (Hindus perform an 
‘aarti’) to ward off evil effects.  She then helped the bride step inside 
the house, which would from then on be governed by her.  The children lead 
the couple to the household altar where they knelt down to praise the Lord, 
and the “mistir” (master) who had been waiting all this while in the balcony 
with a violin in his hand, played the violin and began to sing the “Tedeaum” 
in Latin.  “Sogott Tedeaum kantar kortat ani vhor bhitor kaddtat.” (All sing 
the “Tedeaum” and the bride is officially allowed into the house.)  At this 
juncture, more fireworks mark the grand entry into the house.  Once the 
“Tedeaum” singing was over, a small prayer was said for the deceased members 
of the family:

“Sasnnanchi sovostkai dhi Saiba almank; sasnnancho uzvadd dhi Saiba tankam 
sodankal.”

(Lord, grant eternal peace to the souls of the deceased; Lord grant them 
eternal light.)

Then the groom’s parents place “pollachi sorpolli” (traditional gold chain) 
around daughter-in-law’s neck.  The mother-in-law then places a “tambddo 
saddo”, a variant of the dress, usually flowery and red in color, on 
daughter-in-law’s shoulders.  It is worn by the bride in the house, on the 
day of the wedding after the official function is over.  It is given by the 
maternal uncle to the bride.  Nowadays, the bride goes inside the house and 
changes her wedding gown to a formal dress and sometimes it takes her 
forever to come out.  In the past, the bride was seen in her wedding gown 
until the end of wedding reception.

Once “vhor” formality was over, the wedding reception would start in the 
“mattov”.

                                                                            
                           To be continued ……….

Moi-mogan,

Domnic Fernandes
Anjuna/Dhahran, KSA

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