[Goanet] SOIRIKEN KAZAR (Arranged marriage) Part 6

[domnic fernandes]

------------------------------------------------------------------------
 2006 * * * Y  E  A  R * * * O  F * * * T  H  E * * * S  E  N  I  O  R
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Goa Sudharop Annual Awards on November 20, 2006 @ Mandovi Hotel @ 4:30pm
            Chief Guest: Dr. Asha Vishwanath Sawardekar
    A series of essays as a tribute to Goan Seniors can be found at:

     http://www.goanet.org/index.php?name=News&file=article&sid=524
------------------------------------------------------------------------SOIRIKEN KAZAR (Arranged marriage) – Part 6

“XIRANCHEM JEVONN”

On the second day of wedding, the bride’s parents, relatives, close 
neighbors and friends were invited to the groom’s place for “xiranchem 
jevonn” (a luncheon at which a small “zagor” type skit of cutting of the 
veins was performed.)   The “mattov” would be intact and the chairs still in 
place – keep in mind chairs were not hired but borrowed from neighbors.  
Children had the best fun climbing on the chairs in order to reach a few 
bunches of balloons or strips of armosanv (decoration) or “lampianv” which 
were tied at a height.  When all their efforts failed, an adult removed the 
bunch of balloons and handed it in to them.  Each one of the children wanted 
to have the bunch for himself/herself which resulted in fights and 
eventually instead of owning the balloons they ended up making sad faces 
every time they heard them burst!  As for the crepe paper strips, children 
collected them, soaked them in water and came up with different water 
colors.  Some of them even colored their cheeks.  The interesting part was 
to see their fingers shine in different colors!

By 12 noon, the newly married couple arrived in the “mattov” and drinks were 
served to all; “xerbot” was served to ladies and children.  By about 12:30 
p.m. a group of men entered the “mattov” playing “ghummot”, “madhiem” 
(percussion) and “kansaem” (pair of cymbals.)  The group halted in front of 
the bridal couple who were flanked on either side by “deddo” (best man) or 
“deddi” (bridesmaid).  Nowadays, one hardly finds “deddo” and “deddi” at the 
groom’s place on the second day of the wedding but in those days they had to 
be there.  One of the men from the group posed as a doctor; he was 
accompanied by a “bhutker” (compounder.)  A stethoscope was seen hanging 
around the doctor’s neck.  No, it was not a real stethoscope but one made 
out of “sumb” (coir rope) with coconut shells hanging at each end.

The doctor approached the groom and enquired about his health.  He checked 
his heart beat with the stethoscope by placing the coconut shell at one end 
of the coir rope on his chest, and he listened to his heart beat through the 
coconut shell at the other end.  After questioning him about his eating, 
sleeping and drinking habits, he gave him a clean slate.  But if a “deddo” 
or “deddi” happened to be a little fat, he analyzed them with hypertension 
for which “xiro marop” (cutting the veins and letting off the blood to lower 
the pressure – an age-old method followed by our ancestors) was suggested.  
The doctor immediately summoned the compounder and asked him to prepare the 
instruments which were:  A “vakor” (razor), bandage, a “tost” (copper 
basin.)  Just like in a “zagor” every action was accompanied by the beats of 
the local band.  Jokes were also cracked in between the scenes.  The 
compounder handed in the “vakor” to the doctor who caught hold of “deddo’s” 
hand and began to cut the veins.  Since it was a mock practice, the 
compounder made sure that he kept a sponge ready soaked in red water made 
from red crepe paper, which he squeezed over the hand to make it look like 
flowing blood which rolled down into the “tost”.  In between, the group also 
sang Goan Mandde, Dulpods and Dekhnni.  The “xiro marop” went on until lunch 
was served which never started before 3:30 p.m.  The group was given good 
tips for their performance.  If they received less tips, they would announce 
the exact amount to the public and force the groom and/or deddo to add more 
amount to it, which they did, but in the meantime the damage was already 
done – that the “novro” and “deddo” are “imtte” (miser).

“Xiranchem jevonn” was also held at the bride’s place on the fourth day.

I attended a wedding in Siolim at the age of 11 which lasted 8 days – 4 days 
in preparation of the wedding and 4 days after the wedding.  Had there been 
“vokleger kazar” (wedding at the bride’s), I would have spent 12 days at 
that wedding!

“BOLANCHEM VOJEM”

A “boilancho gaddo” (bullock cart) loaded with “bhasailelem dennem ani 
bolanchem vojem” (promised gifts and sweet meat) arrived at the groom’s 
place soon after “xiranchem jevonn” was over; the randpinn maim and her 
female helpers rode on the bullock cart along with “vojem”.  After the 
luncheon was over, everything was downloaded from the bullock cart.  One of 
the elderly persons from the family or the eldest daughter-in-law of the 
house checked and confirmed that everything was in order.  She also counted 
“bol” and bananas and made sure there was no shortage.  If for any reason, 
one of the agreed gifts was found short or if they received only 995 “bol” 
instead of 1000, argument between both the parties would take place and 
sometimes the groom’s relatives threatened not to attend next day’s function 
– the “portovnnem”.  The groom’s parents/relatives sometimes were so harsh; 
they would ask the bride’s parents to take their daughter back.  That indeed 
was too mean!  Many times, it was an unmarried groom’s sister, a “beatin”, 
who created all such problems – doth-dennem, vojem, etc. The randpinn maim 
and her helpers were given handsome tips and they in turn spread good word 
on their generosity and praised the groom’s family

“PORTOVNNEM/VOKLEGER KAZAR”

On the third day, a person from the bride’s side would visit the groom’s 
place with an invitation to come to their home.  The visit was known as 
“portovnnem/vokleger kazar” (wedding reception at the bride’s place on the 
third day of wedding.)  The bridal couple along with their crowd would visit 
the bride’s house where there would be another wedding reception with dance, 
drinks, edibles, etc., just like on the first day reception.  The reception 
was called “vokleger kazar” (reception at a bride’s.)  The poor people 
didn’t have “vokleger kazar”; they had a simple Ladainha (Litiny) instead.

HONEYMOON

People in the past followed natural life – they were born on the floor, they 
ate on the floor, they slept on the floor and they also celebrated their 
honeymoon on the floor.  There was no electricity; people lived with the 
flickering kerosene/oil lamps.  For the newly married couple, it was a 
problem to even celebrate their honeymoon because they had to wait until 
lamps were put off and everyone went to sleep.  In some cases, there were no 
separate rooms; the whole family “osrear nidtalint” (slept in the hall).  If 
someone suddenly remembered that the leftover food was not properly covered 
or if someone felt like going for a pee and if he/she lit a lamp, the 
honeymoon would abruptly end.

In those days, there were no king or queen beds with soft or hard mattresses 
and/or quilts.  The honeymoon took place at home on a “korodachi xendri” 
(grass mat) or a “dali” (bamboo mat.) If in the feat of excitement, the 
couple forgot to place a bed sheet on the “xendri” or “dali,” after the 
honeymoon was over, the groom felt burning sensation on his knees when he 
sweated.  On the next day, when people noticed bruises on his knees, they 
couldn’t resist asking him:  “Kitem re Pedru, ratim dimbieo zorovn kam 
korchem poddlem kitem?”  (What Pedru, did you have to work hard on your 
knees last night?)  The word ‘honeymoon’ was hardly heard of then.  It’s not 
only common now but the honeymoon itself has become very cheap.

On the honeymoon night, if the couple had a room of their own, they would 
enclose themselves in the room and enjoy the bliss of marriage.  Curious 
women stood outside the door and sometimes peeped through the keyhole, but 
if it was blocked from the inside, they lent their ear to the door and 
listened to the noise inside the room.  The moment they heard the jingling 
of glass bangles, they would say:  “Kam suru zalem gho baie!” (The work has 
started!)  By the same token, when the jingling stopped, they would comment: 
 “Kanknnancho avaz bond zalo gho baie, kam kobar zalem xem dista!”  (We 
can’t hear the jingling of bangles; the work must be over!)  We know it is 
unethical to peep through a keyhole or listen to a conversation inside a 
room by lending ear to the door, but they did it for fun sake.  Nowadays, 
the bridal couple leaves for the honeymoon destination immediately after the 
reception; sometimes they disappear in the middle of the reception.  So, the 
question of experiencing the fun as stated above does not arise.

TEST OF VIRGINITY

The bride in the olden days was expected to be a virgin and this fact was 
proven on the honeymoon night.  On the following morning of honeymoon night, 
one of the elders or a “randpinn maim” (female cook) would knock on the 
door, walk in and offer a cup of tea/coffee to the couple.  The couple would 
drink tea and exit the room.  In anticipation of room service, the couple 
kept some tips under the pillow, which the elderly woman/female cook reached 
immediately upon entering the room and “palvachea pontak bandtali” (would 
tie it to the end of sari.)  The woman/randpinn maim would then slowly 
remove the colored bed sheet and examine it closely to find out if there 
were any traces of blood.  The moment she noticed blood stains, she made a 
bundle of the bed sheet and pillow, left the room and announced to everyone: 
 “Novrean rati kombi kantorli gho baie” (The groom cut the chicken last 
night!)

In the past, a bride was expected to conceive a child immediately after the 
marriage – remember the family motto then was to have a large joint family 
so they could beat out the others in every field, including the size of the 
family.  In a way, it was an indirect competition.  If a newly married bride 
failed to give good news of a child, the elderly women would poke fun thus:  
“Kitem gho Lurdin, azun kaim bori khobor nam gho baie?  Sasumaim hathan divo 
ghevn ratcho tumcho paro korta kitem?”  (What Lourdes, no good news as yet?  
Does your mother-in-law guard you with a lamp in her hand at night?

One hardly comes across the above-mentioned tradition nowadays; it seems to 
have come to an end.  Weddings are getting modernized.  In those days, one 
felt the enthusiasm of a wedding because there was “dobazo” (pomp) in and 
around the house; everyone was busy doing something or the other.  Nowadays, 
wedding has become a formality - go to the church, celebrate the nuptials, 
proceed to the hall, attend the reception and disperse.  If anyone spent a 
few thousand rupees for a wedding then, it was considered a very big 
expense.  Today, people spend in hundreds of thousands of rupees, yet there 
is no charm in the celebration as we used to have it in the past.  Is it 
because there is no value for the money today?

“MAVODDEA RAVNNEM” (STAY AT IN-LAW’S)

In the olden days, once the “portovnnem/vokleger kazar” was over, the 
“zanvuim” (son-in-law) would spend at least one week at in-laws’ house.  
During this period, a mother-in-law prepared special “kombiechea pilacho 
sop” (young chick’s soup) with shredded meat in it and served it to the 
groom every day before meals.  This soup is considered nutritious and is 
meant to provide strength and keep the son-in-law fit during the honeymoon.  
The mother-in-law also prepared various chicken dishes.  When they sat down 
on the floor on “bankinam” to eat their meals (there were no dining tables 
then), the mother-in-law forced the son-in-law every now and then to eat 
more.  If he said “Puro ghe” (enough), she would reply:  “Kitem puro? Tum 
novo novro; tuvem pott bhor jevnk zai; zaitem khonddonk asa!” (What enough?  
You are a new groom; you must eat well; there is lot of digging to do!)  A 
mother-in-law’s main aim was to keep the son-in-law healthy and fit!  No 
wonder they always say “Sasumaink sodanch mog zanvieancho ani zanvieank 
sasumaincho” (A mother-in-law always has a soft corner for her son-in-law 
and vice-versa.)   Neither the “vokol” nor the “zanvuim” were allowed to do 
any work during their stay at “mavoddo” – their only duty was honeymoon!   
In days gone by, the elderly expected quick result of honeymoon – a child.  
If a couple were not able to produce any result, they would question the 
bride:  “Novro bhorpur jevn-khavn fokot nidta kitem?”  (Does the groom only 
eat too much and sleep?)

DISTRIBUTION OF “VOJEM” AND BLESSINGS

In the olden days, everything was done in the name of God and everyone 
invoked God’s blessings in everything.  Once the “portovnnem” was over, the 
vokol visited the ward and distributed “vojem” (weight - a basketful of 
sweets and bananas given by the girl’s parents as part of the bridal 
trousseau.)  The “vojem” had connection with dowry i.e., the number of “bol” 
(sweet, hard bread made from course rice, jaggery and grated coconut) 
depended on the amount of dowry.  If a dowry of Rs.10,000 was agreed upon, 
“Ek ozar (1000) bolanchem vojem divnk zai aslem” (One thousand (1000) ‘bol’ 
had to be given).  For a dowry less than Rs.5,000, “Painxim bolanchem vojem 
divnk zai aslem” (Five hundred [500] ‘bol’ had to be given.)

The vokol dressed in “saddo” (reddish color dress) looked bright; the 
“chuddo” in her arms added beauty to her body.  She also wore all the gold 
which was given to her by her parents and in-laws.  Some of the neighbors 
and relatives took a closer look at the necklace, earrings, bangles and 
rings, praised the design and enquired as to which “xet” (goldsmith) crafted 
the ornaments.  A “sotrikarn” (umbrella woman) accompanied the “vokol” and 
“vojem” with a “tambddi viludachi sotri”.  She followed the “vokol”, covered 
her with the umbrella and protected her from sunshine.  The “deddi” 
(bridesmaid) accompanied “vokol” with a “pantlli” (bamboo basket) on her 
waist/head, which mainly contained “bol”, “chonneanchi doce” (a sweet meat 
made from gram flour) and bananas; sometimes “dodol”, “kokada” and “batika” 
were also included.  The top of the basket was covered with white, net-type 
cloth.

“Vojem vanttop” (distribution of vojem) was an opportunity for the bride to 
get to know every house/family in the ward.  She distributed half “bol” and 
a piece each of “doce,” “dodol” and a banana to every family in the ward.  
Close relatives and friends were given a whole “bol”, a couple of “doxiche 
kuddke” (pieces of doce) and a couple of bananas.  Everyone congratulated 
the bride, welcomed her in the community, wished her all the best in her 
married life, assured her help at all times and told her their door would 
always remain open for her, and, most importantly, they blessed her saying: 
“Devacho axirvad tujer assum” (may God’s blessings be with you.)  It is 
these collective blessings that played a big role in the olden marriages, 
which really helped the newly married couple to carry on with their lives 
without many problems.

People in the olden days were God-fearing and marriages were sacred.  Do you 
remember, everyone then said:  “Marriages are made in heaven?”  If you think 
about it seriously, they surely looked as though they were made in heaven.  
Olden day marriages were closely knitted with religion.  On the very first 
day of marriage, the couple was lectured by their parents on the union of 
two bodies and how to carry on with married life.  The couple was given the 
example of Jesus dying on the cross and a marriage was referred to as a 
cross that each one of the partners had to carry in good and bad times, in 
health and in sickness, but these things don’t matter much in today’s world, 
which is exactly why we have more problems.  Husbands find more attractive 
and richer women and the same goes with wives, the result?  Family 
separation and divorces!

Everyone is familiar with the Goan legend, M. Boyer, and Ms. Sucurrine 
Fizardo who did not only emulate Boyer’s singing style but went on to become 
his bitter rival on the stage.  While M. Boyer is suffering from Parkinson’s 
disease and is in a wheelchair, Sucurrine is still active and going great 
guns.  The following two comedy songs titled “Adle Dadle” (Olden-day men) by 
M. Boyer, and “Adlim Cheddvam” (Olden-day Girls) by Sucurrine, roughly 
describes the character of both genders as it existed then and now:

“ADLE DADLE” by the living Goan legend and Padmashree award winner, M. Boyer

I
Adle dadle, sacrament zoddi
Borea poi tea cheddvak hathak dorun haddi
Adleo bailo ghovank borem randun vaddi
Ghov-bhail mogan bonvon xembor vorsam kaddi

Chorus
Atanchea bailank re sonvoim zalea paddi
Ghorkarachi re tankam apurbai thoddi
Xit randun nidtat, apli foddta mhunnon daddi
Ghov magir sezareanger magonk bonvta koddi

II
Adleo bailo, kallzache gondde
Ghovak mhunno aplea adharache dandde
Atanche dusreank nachoita Mandde
Bailani soddtoch zavn bonvtat landde

Chorus
Adle re dadle, duddvanche andde
Atanche soro pion sukon zaleat landde
Tokleo zalea tancheo narlacheo bondde
Tondd dista chear anneanche poderache undde

III
Adlea bailanchi ghottai oglli
Dha-bara bhurgeank samballtali ekli
Atanchi bail mhunntta kam’ korun thokli
Eka bhurgeak dudh dilear, marta tenkam khonkli

Chorus
Adle re dadle, bhorun jei vattli
Soro pionk bhienaslet, jiroitalet battli
Ek peg marlear atam rokddi korta pottli
Ghora ievn bailek sangta ‘tokli moji futtli’

IV
Adle chedde steel-iche gulle
Maim-pai mhunno tankam ghorache nolle
Atanche chedde zaleat kosmelele khille
Anttim borim bonvon dista Agxeche mulle

Chorus
Adlim re cheddvam, mogreche kolle
Atam bara vorsam zalim mhunnttoch ugttim ghaltat golle
Tim forak mure puta, tenkam kazar korun polle
Dogam bhurgim zalim mhunnttoch, bhair kaddtat dolle

(From Dom’s antique shelf)

“ADLIM CHEDDVAM” by Sucurrine Fizardo - the gutsiest woman of Konkani stage

I
Adim cheddvam loztalim, chedde nodrek dislear
Hea vatten vetalim, tea vatten chedde aslear
Atam cheddvank gomot chedde boson asat mhunn osrear
Sotra pavtti bonvodd marta martelim posrear

Chorus
Adim ratchim bhair soronaslim cheddvam vaddlelim
Konn bonvlelim mevot tor mhunnot modan bhorlelim
Atam aikotat ratchim cheddvam nanch zatat nidlelim
Lok bhair soronk bitat almam bovntat mhunn melelim

II
Cheddvam tim adlim novreachea mogan morpachim
Novrean kiss dilear naka mhunn portun korpachim
Ar’re cheddvam atanchim, mevtat tim bhorpachim
Shoppingak ghevn gelear bolsam khali mhunnpachim

Chorus
Adlea tempar cheddvam tim ekleach pattlean bonvo
To soddit mhunn novro apleak, bhion-bhion ravo
Cheddvank atam ek-ek disa, ek-ek model zavo
Dhavea novreak soddun ghevn tim bonvtat ikravo

III
Adim chedde cheddvank mevonk ietalet cheddvanger
Hea tempar cheddvam sodunk cheddeank ietat cheddeanger
Cheddo sangta amger adkoll zata ietam tumger
Cheddum mhunntta naka, mummy kumparik ghevn asa amger

Chorus
Adim maimeo cheddvank vochonk dinaslelim konnamger
Tankam pavon ietalint vochonk sodtat tor xamaimger
Atam mhunntta ‘mummy don dis ravon ieta ghe mamaimger’
Ar’re mamaimger khuimchem cheddum nidlam Williamanger

(From Dom’s antique shelf)

                                                                            
       To be continued ………

Moi-mogan,

Domnic Fernandes
Anjuna/Dhahran, KSA

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