------------------------------------------------------------------------ **** http://www.GOANET.org **** ------------------------------------------------------------------------
International Cuisine Conference on Traditional Asian Diet Panaji, Goa, September 2-5, 2007 - http://www.indologygoa.in Online Media Partner: http://www.goanet.org ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Cellphone statistics and expressions A sociological look at behavioral changes due to mobile usage By Cecil Pinto My friend, sociologist Rahul Srivastava, brought it to my attention that even science fiction writers had not envisioned the pervasive influence of cell phones on our lives. For example I can't imagine, before the cellphone era, how we used to rendezvous with friends at crowded events like Carnival and Regional Plan protest meets. "Where are you?" has replaced the polite "How are you?" Nobody even says, "Excuse me" before picking up their mobile. "Missed call me" is already considered as acceptable English. Ranging from the obnoxious to the quaint a while new set of behaviors, and expressions, have come about thanks to cell phone usage. Let's look at some new coinage and statistics. Beepressure: The irritation caused in a compact crowded situation, composed of relative strangers, when a cell phone keeps ringing and nobody answers it. (Eg: The already overloaded elevator situation was made more even more stressful as beepressure levels rose when nobody could figure who the repetitive "Mehbooba" ring tone belonged to) As though having unique ring tones wasn't enough now we have Dialer Melodies or Hello Tunes that the caller has to listen to in place of the conventional rings. Melodialling: Phoning a friend just to listen to his/her Hello Tune.(Eg. Tino's ex-girlfriend melodialled him often, after texting him first not to pick up the phone, just to listen to Billy Joel's "My Life") Cellulight: The phone's backlight, or camera light, function when used as a torch for illumination. (Eg. Ashwin whipped out his cellulight so Renuka wouldn't trip on the dark staircase.) Mobilucal cord: Expensive phone given by a parent to a child, to keep tabs on their movements. ChainCell: Cheap mobile given by employer to employee to keep tabs on their movements. Holidialling: Calling up a chaincell owning employee on a holiday, or during any leisure time, to enquire about some work related matter. Since 2005 more cell phones are sold worldwide than Computers and Televisions combined. Blacktoothed: Being ditched by your loved one because of rude cellphone behavior, or worse still because of an irritating ring tone. Oneringgirl: Teenage girl so attuned to her phone that she never lets it beep more than once before picking up. Peacocking: Flashing your superior mobile around and letting all within earshot know about its advanced features. (Eg. Sanjay's peacocking of his Nokia 3230 was abruptly brought to a crushing halt when Sylvia casually placed her N90 on the bar counter) Korpoicall: A call made to a friend who is on a hot date to see what progress has been made thus far. (Eg. Mervyn was torn between answering Santosh's korpoicall and removing his hand from where it was comfortably placed on Diana's thigh). Crorecall: A peacocking male discussing exaggerated business figures on the cellphone to impress one or more female bystanders. 63% of cellphone users would come back home from the office to retrieve a forgotten mobile but only 21% would return to retrieve a forgotten wallet. Theatricaller: Any loudmouthed ill bred idiot who insists on speaking on his/her phone while in a movie theatre. (Eg. When the angry theatricaller target looked back at him Heston kept a stern countenance and also looked back, pretending he too had been shot by a water gun from the dark) Echoreading: Reading out something very loud, to dumbfound any person who is talking too loudly into his cellphone, in a public place, into stopping his call. Cellulump: The very visible rectangular protuberance caused when a woman wearing skin tight jeans shoves a cellphone into her trouser pocket. Celluseconds: Time in seconds wasted by a woman trying to dig her cellphone out from her skin tight jean pockets when in a seated position on a bike or car. Butt Dialing: A call made by the redial button of a cellphone being accidentally depressed due to being in the pocket of close fitting outfit. Ladybugster: A woman who keeps her phone in a voluminous, crowded handbag and then spends a whole lot of time searching for her phone as it rings and irritates everyone.(Eg. The entire General Body meeting came to a halt as the jarring "Hips Don't Lie" by Shakira kept playing while legendary ladybugster Maffy rummaged in her huge patent leather handbag searching for her mobile). 73% of respondents admitted to having interrupted a sexual act to answer the cellphone. Apparently curiosity overcomes lust. Italian businessmen apparently carry three personal cellphones - one for the wife, one for the mistress and one for the mother. Cellular interruptus: Suspending a coital act to answer a call. (Eg. Paris Hilton's cellular interruptus did not take much away from her boyfriend's faithful recording of the entire episode) Shagphone: A second cellphone dedicated to accepting calls from, and making calls to, an illicit lover. (Sydney froze still as his shagphone, which was normally in silent mode, started ringing just when his wife and kids had started reciting the evening Rosary) Suspexting: Checking your spouse's messages or call index for suspicious activity that might reveal any infidelity or excessive flirting. Redhertexting: Purposely keeping double entendre messages for one's suspicious spouse to stumble upon and then have a rock steady and innocent explanation. (Eg. Digamber grinned to himself that his brilliant Redhertexting had worked and Sushma would not be sniffing so closely for a few weeks at least). Callerguessing: A game in which onlookers try to guess who someone is speaking to by their body language. (Eg. From the way she was gesticulating guiltily it was difficult to callerguess whether it was a former lover or an irate boss on the line.) Celf Talk: The appearance of talking to oneself brought about by using a handsfree kit. Mobile Thumb: A condition common among college students so dexterous at tapping SMS with their thumb that they end up pointing to objects and even ringing doorbells with their thumbs. Cell Cupping: Cupping one's free hand to block real or imagined noise from the cellphone: Speakerblasting: The very rude behavior of putting the speaker on so everyone in the room can hear the other person's voice, without asking the other person's permission. 78% of females surveyed admitted to displaying their cellphone very prominently when alone in public spaces so as to not attract unwanted attention. "I am not alone. I have people to phone and text. I am not lonely." A cell phone can suggest self-containment and can even legitimize solitude. Such behavior is called phoneshielding: Spoofcelling: Pretending to speak to someone when there isn't actually anyone on the other end. (Eg. Judy's phoneshielding at the Kala Academy canteen was successful and nobody bothered her, but the eerie silence of her phone made her seriously contemplate spoofcelling.) ----------- The column above appeared in Gomantak Times dated 9th August 2007 ====== --------------------------------------------------------------------------- **** http://www.GOANET.org **** --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Enjoy Goa cartoonist, Alexyz Fernandes, daily take on contemporary issues www.alexyztoons.com ---------------------------------------------------------------------------