Sit Right Backside Arrangements Where you are seated, and who you are sitting with By Cecil Pinto
Many moons back I had written about my entrepreneur friend Michael D'Costa whose latest unconventional business, at the time, was Mood Guests on Call, which basically consisted of sending specific paid guests for weddings and parties to define and enhance the required ambience. Since then Michael has moved on and now runs Sit Right Backside Arrangements. "What exact service does SRBA provide?" "I plan out the exact seating arrangement at the wedding reception in advance, in consultation with the groom and bride and their families. Why don't you just join me for a client meeting Cecil?" So off we go to the house of Edwin and Priscilla Alvares whose son Savio is down from Kuwait and will be marrying Marushka Rocha, daughter of Cajetan and Lucy, who works at a Call Centre in Mumbai as a senior supervisor. The meeting is at the Alvares residence. Present are also Savio's two sisters and Marushka's family friend and childhood pal, Australia-returned David, whose presence Savio obviously resents. My friend Michael rolls out a huge blueprint on the Alvares' dining table and begins his spiel. "Ok now here we have the band and stage. Here's where the bride and groom sit. This is the buffet and this is the bar. Here are the toilets and here is the main entrance to the venue. Now I have set up arrangements of tables seating twenty, twelve, eight and four respectively all over the place." David asks, "How come all the tables are rectangular? Don't you have round tables for receptions like we have down under?" Michael gives him a disgusted look, "This is a Rs. 250/- per-head-everything-included wedding and not a five star extravaganza. All you get are 4-seater square collapsible tables that we join together to make bigger rectangles." "What's this rectangle near the bridal bench?", asks Lucy "That's for people to deposit their wedding gifts" "But the invites say - No presents please", says David. "In Goa that doesn't matter. People still have to get rid of unwanted gifts lying around the house. It's a cyclical tradition. Anyway let's proceed. This large table here facing the stage from the left is for the Alvares family and this on the right is for the Rochas. "What's this table here near the toilet?", asks Marushka "That's for your call centre friends from Mumbai. We kept them as far as possible from the bar as Mumbaikars don't know how to drink decently when in Goa. And they're sure to end up puking, so the toilets are nearby." "What's this 4 seater table between the stage and the kitchen?" "That's for Odette and Agnelo. They're crazy about dancing and rush to the dance floor at the first note of each set sounds. They might trample over anyone in the way so we kept them close to the stage. They and their kids love to eat well too, so we made sure they have access to the snacks. In fact this entire line of tables near the buffet table is for the hogs who want to stuff themselves silly before everyone else and then go for second and third helpings. You know Gregory, the Farias, Santan's wife, Dr. Naik…" "How come you've seated Dr. Naik away from his brother and their family?" "Dr. Naik likes to eat non-veg but his elder brother is a strict vegetarian and doesn't approve, so best to keep them apart." "Where's Uncle Pascu going to be sitting?" "Here, equidistant from the bar and the toilet. He loves to drink so that's that and with his kidney problem he has to urinate frequently so that's that" "Why is the Bhagat family seated so far away from the stage?" "There are so many bald headed males and females with sequined sarees that they will cause a flare in the camera lens if they are close to the lights." "And this big table in the middle of nowhere?" "That's for the Pintos. Doesn't matter what you specified in the invitation, the entire joint family will come, as well as any of their visiting relatives or friends. Speaking of which I've put an extra chair on the Paes table. Their aunt from Germany is staying over and they asked if they could bring her along. How very polite of them." "Why is the Chodankar family kept so far away from the Fernandes? They're neighbours." "Don't you know that they're not on talking terms ever since Sunil tried encroaching on the Fernandes backyard while building his garage. In fact that's why I've kept the Baptistas away from the D'Costas. Ever since that loan surety incident they don't even accept the Our Lady statue from each other's house and it has to go via the Gomes house." "And why is our young hero Dominick and his college going cousins kept seated right under the main light" "Aha! You noticed that they are also far away from the bar. To access the bar they will have to go past their strict grandfather's table. The waiters have been given instructions to serve only soft drinks and limited beer to their table. These post pubescent boys get weird after a few drinks and when girls refuse to dance with them they go 'stag' and dance like Govinda." "I've kept Ubaldin Aunty and her family close to the entrance just in case she has another epileptic fit and has to be carted away suddenly. The only gay couple, Gerard and Manuel, have been kept far away from Averthanus Uncle who might blow a fuse if he sees them so much as looking at each other lovingly. Also I've kept Averthanus next to the speakers as he's quite deaf." "Also I've kept Savio's foreigner friends close to the bridal bench so they will be in the background very often. Gives a very international feel to the occasion that will hopefully offset the very local Goan touch of the Konkani masala mix dance sequence. The overweight Pereira girls I've kept at the back there. They insist on wearing those ridiculously micro mini skirts and sitting in such a way that it's like facing a gallery of photographers. That reminds me, Kevin's niece smokes so she should not be seated near…" ------------ The column above appeared in Gomantak Times dated 1st November 2007. Michael D'Costa previous Mood Guests enterprise is described at: http://lists.goanet.org/pipermail/goanet-goanet.org/2003-November/007045.html =======
