The Da Costa Code Review of a controversial Goan book By Cecil Pinto
Disclaimer: The column below is a work of pure fiction. Children, religious fundamentalists, and the belligerent South Goa Tourist Taxi Drivers should not read this column, as their myopic minds cannot see beyond the ends of their noses. If a humour column can change your faith, then you are immature and did not have a strong faith anyway. This week we review the book "The Da Costa Code" by Cecil 'Damn Brown' Pinto. This controversial new book has as its central character, a researcher, and historical erotica writer, Jose Lourenco. Awakened in the dead of the night by a cryptic SMS, Jose starts his rusting Ind-Suzuki motorcycle and comes to the old Secretariat in Panjim to find the dead body of an elderly male British charter tourist. Initially Jose thinks the tourist might have died of sheer boredom, as there's not much night life in Panjim, and that day just happened to be a Dry Day. On closer observation, he finds the odd positioning of the body, and the strange cymbals around it, suggest that the tourist might have been an epileptic percussionist. About to head back home Jose bumps into Sophie, the buxom niece of the dead tourist who was heading south searching for a rave party. Sophie is a gifted cryptologist but doesn't have a clue about the difference between Progressive Trance and Goa House, and like most females is geographically challenged. Together Jose and Sophie try making sense of the elusive clues left around by her uncle. From a priceless painting by Francis Newton Souza to Subodh Kerkar's re-installation at Campal, they stumble across secret societies, pseudo-celebrity society parties, comatose drunks and stray dogs killed by speeding vehicles. What was the secret that Sophie's uncle died guarding? Do elderly British charter tourists come here to die, or to have their teeth and eyes seen to as the rates are much cheaper? Will the ancient truth be lost forever? Will Jose get to score with Sophie before the night is over? What exactly does a cryptologist do? Study graveyards? In putting together a preposterous tale of intrigue and historical inaccuracies the author has managed to raise questions best left unasked. Was there really an underground passage connecting the Adil Shahi Palace with the harem that now houses the Accounts Department? What is the symbolism of cucumbers and spoons at the Telaulim feast? Why is nobody investigating the Art College Rape that never was? Will mud houses last longer than RCC structures? Why is the Government ignoring the 250th Birth Anniversary of the great Goan Abbe Faria, the Father of Hypnotism? Why are there no bars in Warkhand village in Pernem? Are there really tunnels under the Pomburpa church leading to the river? Is the statue of the deity at the Paroda temple really carved out of a meteorite? While traversing talukas on his sputtering Ind-Suzuki motorcycle, in search of the answers to these bewildering questions, Jose and Sophie realise that everything leads to the Goan Holy Grail of 'laavnecho' caju. This is the purest form of Caju Feni, where during the distillation process no metal is used. Even the pipe leading from one tank to another is made of clay. The laavnecho caju is supposed to have mythic qualities as a medicine, and an aphrodisiac, and was much sought after by Sir Richard Burton of Kama Sutra fame. Legend has it that only one woman in Siolim still makes laavnecho Caju in the proper way. Back to the questions that lead to Goa's Holy Grail. Why was Santa Monica Convent connected to the St. Augustine Monastery by a secret tunnel? Was Dayanand Bandodkar fairer than others? How come the term Saraswat Brahmin came into use only recently? Why was Father Eusebio murdered? Were crocodiles introduced into the Mandovi River by the Adil Shah as a defense, or to stop slaves from escaping? Why don't they make Caju Feni in Brazil where the caju plant originates? Are there really mass graves around Old Goa, of the thousands of Muslims massacred by Afonso de Albuquerque in November of 1510? Why is the number of layers in a traditional bebinca exactly the same as the number of 'pod-de' in a traditional tiatr? Who sculpted the erotic figures at the base of the temple in Toldem, Sanguem? Interestingly the author, Cecil Pinto, claims that he was not inspired by the infamous book "The Da Vinci Code" and only named it "The Da Costa Code" to placate his wife (originally a Da Costa) to stop nagging him for while. She feels he should concentrate on making a proper living instead of spending precious time writing humour columns and searching for the perfect Caju Feni. Disclaimer: In retrospect the column above is a work of impure fiction. Calling it 'pure' fiction would be an insult to great literature and writers. Those who found the column above detrimental to the profession of their faith are requested to burn copies of Gomantak Times every Thursday so circulation figures will go up and the writer can claim credit - and get a raise. ------- The column above appeared in Gomantak Times on 25th May 2006. Reposted in view of the M F Hussein - IFFI screening controversy. Archived at: http://www.goanet.org/index.php?name=News&file=article&sid=642 ====
