Homosexuality: The straight truth What do we tell our children? By Cecil Pinto
“Dada, what is a gay?” Here we were watching Barkha Dutt on NDTV’s “We the People”. Beatrice, Desmond, Fabian and myself. Well actually Fabian was solving jigsaw puzzles on the floor and Desmond was drawing made-up superheros with special powers. But he also had one ear on the TV so he could resume his cartoons after our watching ended. In fact it was he who while flipping channels had called out to me, “Dada, your friend Wendell is on TV”. What else is new? Ever since this amendment to Section 377 has been on the news you see Wendell everywhere giving sound bytes. Barkha had assembled together an interesting panel and my wife and I were watching the debate very keenly till Desmond dropped his bombshell question. While I was gathering my thoughts on how to answer, Beatrice was making her special ‘eyes’ at me, accompanied by lip and wrist signals that clearly signified that I was not to enter this dangerous territory. Should I discuss topics of an adult nature with a nine year old? Should I attempt explaining things to him that I myself have issues dealing with? Should we even have let Desmond be present when a topic such as this was being discussed on TV? Should I let Nikhil be his guru in these matters? Nikhil is Desmond’s Catechism classmate, the eldest in the class by far. I have never seen his father, who I suspect has run away from Nikhil’s fighter-cock protective mother. Anyway this Nikhil is the type who takes it upon himself to educate all the other boys on adult matters - including sex. He even uses the f-word quite liberally and I figure that a few years from now will be bringing pornographic pictures to school to further the education of his peers. Every classroom has one such sex educator who attempts to corrupt the others. In my days, in my classroom, it was Menino. He would enthrall us with the most graphic descriptions of adult bodies and their functions. When pictures cut out from hardcore porn magazines didn’t suffice to shock us Menino would use blackboard and chalk to illustrate acts purportedly committed by our teachers. Herman Sir and Miss Jyothi were rumored to have a romance going and hence were the most common performers on Menino’s blackboard. Occasionally small cardboard cutouts would accompany some of Menino’s perverted explanations. So despite Beatrice’s unspoken admonition I decided to enter the risky waters, if nothing else to make sure that Nikhil didn’t get the first word in on gays. “Happy!”, Beatrice beat me to the trigger, “Desmond, gay means happy” “C’mon already!”, I pleaded. “Yes, Mama, you can’t fool me. I know gay is something to do with the s-thing.” Curse words attract a five rupees fine in our house and Desmond is extra cautious of using any word that might even remotely attract a penalty. A week earlier Nikhil had told him that sex was a very dirty thing that only bad men and women did, and good people like his mother and father never did. He wasn’t quite sure how it was done but would be getting back to the class with more details. No wonder then that his father left his mother. He wasn’t getting any as she considered it dirty, and she had passed on that idea to her son. When Desmond explained his concept of the s-word to us we let it ride. Let sex be dirty for now. We could have the birds-and-bees talk with him in a couple of years. But now this gay thing was all over the place. “Ok Desmond, look at it this way. Mostly men fall in love with and marry women right? Like say I loved your Mama and married her. Right?” “Right Dada” “Well some men love and marry men.” “Men marrying men? Yeech!” Now before you think Desmond is being judgmental, understand that he is also at the age where girls are also “Yeech!”, as also are earthworms and spinach. “So Wendell is married to a man?” “Sort of. Yes.” “Who is his wife?” “They don’t use words like husband and wife, because both are men. They are equal partners in a relationship. Which in fact all marriages should be. Wendell’s partner is Jerome.” “That man who smokes cigars? That man who put on Jungle Book for us?” Earlier this year I had taken the family for a lunchtime party at Wendell’s house in Colvale. While we adults were drinking and conversing the few kids present were getting quite bored. Seeing this Jerome had taken them to a room with a large colour TV and put on a Jungle Book DVD that kept them enthralled - and out of our hair. Desmond always remembers this kind man who sensed how the kids needed some entertainment. “Yes, that is him, Jerome.” “So gays are not bad people Dada?” “Definitely not. There are good people and there are bad people. This has nothing to do with if they are gay or straight.” “Straight?” “Straight means people who love and marry people of the opposite sex’ “Mama! Dada used the s-word. Five rupees fine. Tan-tan-dan!” “No Desmond I used sex to mean gender. Anyway sex is not a bad word.” “Can I become a gay Dada?” “You can’t become one. You either are gay or are not.” “Am I gay Dada? “You will know only when you grow up Desmond.” “Nikhil said that you have to come out of a cupboard or something, and…” “Tell Nikhil and his bloody mother to get the frigging…” “Tan-tan-dan, another five rupees” “Cecil!” “One day I will strangle that Nikhil and his mother” “Cecil!!!” “You two are fighting like the people on TV. Dada, why some of them don’t like gays?” “They are confused Desmond, and insecure about their own sexuality too. And mostly they are bigots brainwashed by some religious moralistic nonsense!” “Cecil stop it. Enough is enough!” “Dada, they didn’t teach us about gays in Moral Science period” “They should!” Beatrice interrupted, “Desmond you like the Ellen Degeneres show don’t you?” Desmond, “Of course I like it!” “Well did you know that Ellen is gay too?” “No Mama. Ellen is not gay” “Of course she is.” “No she isn’t!” “Yes she is!” “No Mama she isn’t. She’s lesbian. Nikhil told me!” ----------- The column above appeared in Gomantak Times dated 9th July 2009 Another homosexuality related column is archived at: http://www.goanet.org/index.php?name=News&file=article&sid=639 ----------- Renew your Wedding Vows at a scenic location in Goa: http://www.renewalsetc.com ======
