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Ministry of Feni
Drinking to create awareness

By Cecil Pinto


"Good evening folks. This is your host Cecil Pinto reporting almost-live for 
Goa-World.Com from Campal Parade Grounds. I'm covering the second General Body 
Meeting of the newly convened Ministry of Feni. There's lots of action around. 
Distillers and bottlers have put up stalls where drinkers can sample their 
products. 
On stage is a presentation on Feni Cocktails. Later today a debate will be held 
on 
Glass and Ceramic v/s Wooden Barrels for storing Caju Feni."

"Caju aficionados of varied vintages and at different levels of intoxication 
are all 
over the place engaged in animated discussions. I spot the editor of a local 
English 
daily, an architecture professor, an expert on urban anthropology, a graphic 
artist, 
a fashion designer, a pop star. Everyone seems to have latched on to the Joy of 
Feni."

"Excuse me Sir. What is this magazine some of you are carrying?"

"This is not a magazine. It is a report - Geographical Indications and 
Localisation: 
A Case Study of Feni by Dr. Dwijen Rangnekar of the University of Warwick. It 
is an 
exhaustive and path breaking document that brings together knowledge of Feni 
from 
various resources in a comprehensive way that has never been done before. This 
is 
the defining work on Feni."

"In fact the Ministry of Feni, MoF as it will shortly be called, is a 
semi-official 
club of Caju Feni aficionados who will act as a pressure group on distillers, 
bottlers and retailers to ensure that we get quality Feni at competitive 
prices."

"MoFs as we call ourselves, no you cannot drop the 'o', are hardened 
adventurers who 
have spent most of our adult years in search of the Elixir of the Gods - the 
perfect 
Caju Feni. During urrack season we scour the countryside, with jerry cans and 
hydrometers, investigating the product of different distillers to sniff out the 
one 
with the perfect taste, bouquet and 'grau'. We hope that this translates into 
good 
Feni and if it doesn't we move on to the next 'bhatti'. The rest of the year we 
follow up leads to check out bars over the length and breadth of North Goa to 
find 
someone who stocks the perfect Feni."

"Why don't you do South Goa?"

"South Goa knows jack squat about making good Caju Feni!"

"When we find a perfect batch of Feni we drink it in copious amounts and buy as 
much 
as we can afford and store. We keep our findings and our suppliers secret from 
non-MoFs. When we hear about or discuss a unique batch of Feni that someone has 
discovered we actually froth at the mouth. The Konkani word for froth is 
'feno'. 
That's how Feni gets its name."

"What about the organizational structure?"

"At our very first meeting we used the 'lots' system for election. We had lots 
and 
lots of Feni and unanimously elected Dr. Rangnekar as the President in honour 
of his 
pioneering work. His tenure lasted exactly seven minutes. In his opening 
address he 
mentioned that certain bottlers blend Feni from different distilleries. For 
even 
uttering such a sacrilegious thought he was immediately thrown out if his post 
and 
now is an ordinary member but can use the title Immediate Past and Founding 
President on his visiting card."

"But even Scotch Whiskey is mostly blended."

"We don't care for Scotch. Feni is never mixed with another Feni. Period. We 
boycott 
all people who attempt such nonsense! "

"What's this about MILF?"

"Not MILF, it's IMFL - Indian Made Foreign Liquor. Feni has to be deemed on par 
with 
IMFL and not treated as a 'country liquor' so that not only tavernas, but all 
bars 
can then sell it legally. We also demand that all bars keep a minimum of five 
different Caju Fenis - two branded and three local with different strengths and 
prices. If a MoF finds any establishment stocking more varieties of whiskey 
than of 
Feni the establishment will be boycotted."

"What about Palm Feni?"

"That the South Goans can figure out how to improve. Maybe they could ask for 
Geographical Indicator status for Palm Feni and Belligerent Taxi Drivers."

"The Ministry of Feni is not only concerned about getting the industry to give 
us 
better products but also informative labeling. Ideally the bottle packaging 
should 
have details like alcohol v/v, village-year-method of distillation, storage 
etc. MoF 
want the consumer not only to have a wide variety but also to be able to make 
an 
informed choice. Right now many manufacturers think better packaging just 
involves 
making fancy bottles."

"Can you inform our viewers about Feni drinking traditions, like for example 
salt-lime and tequila?"

"Ha! You should attend our Workshop on Feni Drinking. But since you mentioned 
it, in 
Mexico itself tequila is drunk straight or alternating with a type of orange 
juice 
called sangrita. This salt-lime back-of-hand licking routine is a recent and 
totally 
made-up American custom that has helped in the marketing of tequila. We don't 
need 
to invent such myths around Caju, we just need to discover them."

"One of the wonderful practices we have at bars in Goa is that when they stock 
a 
local unbranded variety of Feni they always allow you a small measure to try 
before 
you order. If you like it you drink it. Or take the custom of the barman 
putting a 
drop of Feni on his finger and setting it on fire. Such quaint cultural 
practices 
surrounding the consumption of Caju Feni have to be recorded, encouraged and 
embellished if necessary. That's one of MoF's main thrusts."

"Can just anyone join the Ministry of Feni?"

"Certainly not! Membership to the MoF is currently closed but we will be 
conducting 
Feni Appreciation Workshops and Caju Feni Tours where we will educate people 
about 
the different methods of distilling, storage, consumption etc. Once we have 
enough 
of a populace educated on the nuances of Caju Feni then we will open up our 
membership again."

"I've just been informed that the current MoF President has committed sacrilege 
by 
having Caju Feni in a beer mug. There's a group asking for his dismissal. See 
you 
later!"   (ENDS)


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The column above appeared in Gomantak Times dated 1st October 2009
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