Cheers for My Dears: The Legend of *Xepto* by Augusto Pinto
My Dears, You'll never believe this, but the other day I happened to pass by Purgatory when I suddenly saw *Xepto*, my fellow villager from Moira. Purgatory is not Goa's latest night club, but a kind of waiting room between *Sorg* and *Infern* where confused souls are kept while the Authorities decide their cases. *Xepto* worked on a cruise liner and his real name was Cipriano. But we Moidekars called him *Xepto*. Why? Simply. We love giving people pet names. Someone is *Bobo* and someone else is *Ladoo*; so Cipriano was *Xepto*. Nowadays, *Xepto* is world famous, especially in Goa. But NOT as *Xepto*. The newspapers call him "The Late Shri Cipriano Fernandes, NRI Chef". He became Late because the police *dhaddaied* him after some chick *lafda*. Anyway, there I was awkwardly staring at *Xepto*, wondering whether I should wish him or not. After all, it is not everyday one bumps into fellow Moidekars in Purgatory, and besides his dead body was still chilling out in the Bambolim freezer. That's when he spotted me. "*Arre* Gusto!! *Hey* man! *Boro mure*?!!", he yelled cheerfully. I replied nervously, "Good morning Mr Fernandes". Xepto said,"*Henh* -- what's this Mister Fernandes-Bernandes??!!! C'mon Gusto! Call me *Xepto* like always. It's cool dude." I said hesitantly,"Sure *Xepto* - so how's life man? Er, I mean ..." I bit my tongue as I realised my mistake. But dead or alive, *Xepto* did not mind it. He replied, "Actually Gusto, I'm enjoying it *man*. Tell me Gusto, which *Moidekar* is more famous than me? The papers print my photo every second day. And the coverage on the Goa TV channels is great...And just look at the headlines Gusto: "Doctors 'Doctor' Reports!" " Witnesses Offered Lakhs to Keep Mum but Refuse Bribes!" "MLAs Raise Cipriano in Assembly!... Sensational! I'm famous *man*! Before this, who was I? Nobody. Just poor, humble, useless *Xepto*. All my life nobody cared for me. Of course, after I started working on a cruise-liner, people would come for a drink or two or three or four with me, when I came home on holiday, but still..." Tired of his self-pity, I said, "*Puro re Xeptia, side-show chod zalem*. OK you had problems, but everyone has *na*? And don't say no one cared for you. *Arre*, even today your *amigos* have stood up for you, isn't it? The media would never have caught on to your story if it wasn't for friends like them. Do you think you were nothing to them, *pixea*?" My scolding brought him back to earth, but only for a moment. *Xepto* mumbled, "Gusto, I guess you're right. Sure, I am grateful to them. But still just look at me now man -- yesterday's Zero -- today's Hero! It's fantastic *man*! I just shook my head at *Xepto*'s dramatics. *Xepto* loved publicity, but to be fair though, there was some truth in his *falams*. In fact a film and a few *tiatrs* are being planned on his life. Changing the subject slightly I said, "*Arre Xeptia*, tell me how that *lafda* started? And what do you think should be done to those cops who bashed you up?" *Xepto* said," I really don't know, Gusto. It was all *ghodbod man*. Everybody was *abuz* and I was *gabrufied* when the police started *pettoing* me. But I've no complaints about that man -- cops *pettoi* everybody unless you're a *poixekar* with influence. No hard feelings -- the cops were just doing their duty. I'm cool." *Xepto* was quite philosophical. "OK *Xepto*, now tell me, how will this *bhangod* end?" "God alone knows, Gusto. Most people tell me that the case will just get *zoroied* and *zoroied* on and on, until the next scandal comes up and my story is quietly forgotten. Like with Scarlett. Remember her?" He sounded a little sad so I said, "*Xeptia* I hope that doesn't happen and you get justice." He shrugged his shoulders. I mused to myself as we parted, "I think the legendary village of Moira has a new legend - the legend of *Xepto*." Cheers Gusto