Goan Voice UK Daily Newsletter 12 August 2012 at www.goanvoice.org.uk Anguish and Subjugation - Stray Thoughts of a Toronto Goan
It would be unfair to have praised and critiqued the Goan woman without taking a good look at the Toronto Goan male. As in her case, my peeves are leveled at the significant minority that sometimes unwittingly defines the community rather than the hard-working and achieving but silent majority. Both are an integral part of us although there is a great temptation to deny the unsavory element as if it didn't exist. There are two sides of the Goan male. The good part is formed by men that from whatever background they come, have transcended the male-takes-all culture that was inherited from Goa and taken overseas. These are sensitive, considerate human beings who have taken conscious decisions to break off from tradition and treat their wives as equal partners, not only with finances but also in other family matters. Education defines their outlook, but not exclusively, since some educated Goans are prone to act crudely (xinkon brut), full of pompousness (which by the way is a huge failing of Goan men) and conversely, men with just rudimentary schooling, are known to treat their wives like duchesses. They have observed the society in which they live and have taken the best of it - the equal rights, the right to peace at home, the need to deprive themselves of what irks the other, whether alcohol, machismo or taking important decisions alone. But, then like everything else, there is the bad part. I saw it in Bombay where habitual drunks left their unschooled wives no alternative to selling liquor against the law, to make ends meet. The fact that these wives became rich doing it was poetic justice. But they had to endure police harassment, ogling customers and local goons. All the while they tried to raise children who could have the start in life that she could only dream of. I saw it in the Middle East where men made money and played, leaving their wives in Goa deprived of spousal needs, causing them long lasting psychological issues. Also women from Goa who due to acts and lapses of the husband, were forced to take domestic work with Gulf Arabs and sheikhs whose wives and male children abused in various ways. I see it in Canada where in rage at the wives earning more than they, men turn their partners into virtual modern-day slaves. Cook the food, clean the house, monitor the children, all without appreciation, while I can go and do what I want. You find them without their wives at Goan functions, sometimes talking loudly in the Swahili of 40 years ago, frequently jetting off to Goa without invitation to the wife who has not taken her holiday from work or family for longer than she wished. The lady is gracefully getting old while our ageless Bostiao, either foppishly dressed or like somebody fresh off the boat, feels that every pretty woman who talks politely to him has to be endearingly kissed on the cheek, coveted and flirted with. But worse, there is this underground world of Goan men in Toronto with little education and living in crowded common homes found in two or three of the city's pockets, who having made their way to Canada, take menial unskilled jobs and use the money to have flings with the city's easy (non Goan) prey. They live this hedonistic, purposeless life until they decide that it is time to marry. Word is passed around in Goa and a pretty, fair, even post-grad working girl is found. Gross lies are told about the job and status of the marriage seeker and the girl soon finds herself in Toronto. That is the beginning of her sad chapter. The woman is made to immediately find work and the bum loses his. She being educated and diligent is liked by her superiors and soon encouraged to pursue a study-program to groom for a higher position. She declines since immediately after work she has to rush home for another set of chores awaiting her and to take a battering doing it. Sometimes with her savings, a house is bought and the obligations surmount. One would think it would be easy to get out of all this by dumping her biggest problem, but a call to the parents in Goa soon disabuses her of that notion. The name of the family must come first and her troubles later. Viva the Goan male. By Roland Francis (roland.fran...@gmail.com )