It was an epiphany. A kind of a Eureka moment. I was thinking all evening why all my 'engagements' with the Eminent Journalist - EJ for short, not just because it rhymes with DJ/RJ, it also gives a nice feeling that the EJ is actually somebody who does something useful like the former: as Dale Carnegie would say, the worst you could do to a person is to hurt his ego by denying him his feeling of importance - ended with the latter screaming bloody murder at me. It can't be Him. I was too dazed, since the images of my venality, my 'sahasranamam' of evil names were 'bestowed upon me at such a speed as to render linear thought impossible<http://www.lovine.com/hobbes/quotes.html>' (the compose box is hardly limiting, after all). Then it struck me - I don't see the world the way EJ sees. I refused to imbibe his Revealed Wisdom. I committed the unpardonable crime of questioning Him. How stupid of me not to realize this earlier! I saw the error in my ways and decided to do something about it. I not only accept His Revealed Wisdom, I record them for posterity as kings of the yore used to do:
1. Narendra Modi is the Evil One. He is responsible all that is evil on earth. I mean terrorism and that sort of thing. Less sure about AIDS, global warming etc. If only could somebody effect the 'sudden removal' (to borrow a phrase from another EJ) of this vile individual, terrorism will disappear from the face of the earth. Well, not quite. A country that lies in between geographic coordinates 31 30 N, 34 45 E needs to be removed from the face of earth too. 2. India and Pakistan are two nuclear armed states. Now repeat that ten times to yourself before you open your mouth to speak something about the subcontinental situation. Forgive our friends from across the border who forgot this cardinal rule when they came to visit us at Kargil. The boys won't repeat it. Henceforth, they will only send their emissaries to railway stations, hotels etc., for people to people contact with lathi-wielding cops, rail commuters, backpackers etc., not to snow capped mountains to engage with the Indian Army. 3. Do not ask a man his salary, a woman her age and a terrorist his ideology. Terrorism has only root causes, no ideologies. If they themselves tell you <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lashkar-e-Toiba#Objective> otherwise, don't listen, they are being forced to speak at the pain of death by the Zionists. Except Hindu terrorists. They have only ideology, no root cause. You associate the terrorist ideology with The Religion of Peace(TM)? Drop dead, you evil communalist! 4. Beware of Internet links. I am not talking about malware and stuff. Don't post them to any forum. You don't know what evil the owners of those links are capable of. If you post them even once, You Are With Them And Against Us. No use regretting later. The privilege of shaking off all previous links with a single rebuttal is reserved only for the FOSA guys<http://www.friendsofsouthasia.org/events/indpakpeace/FosaStatementOnPAA.html>. The FOSA guys should be cut some slack anyways - they didn't paste links from those guys, they only organized a rally with them, after all. 5. The most important thing in the universe is maintaining the balance. The sages and gods of folklore used to get really worked up over this. Fortunately for us, this delicate balance is maintained by default in the 21st century. For every Taj, there is a Marriott. For every Akshardham there is a Lal Masjid. For every Mrs Gandhi, there is a Ms Bhutto. Cheer up, guys! 6. Intelligence failed because the agencies are manned by Hindutvavadis, who were so obsessed with the Muslim terrorist that they failed to spot the Zionists sneaking through in hijacked trawlers. Not that they would have done something if they did - the Hindutvavadis and the Zionists are hand-in-glow. 7. Never take the obvious at face value. After all, Sherlock Holmes used to tell Dr Watson that it is the not-so-obvious that holds the clue. Don't look at the dead terrorists, the captured terrorist, the boat with the dead skipper. Use your imagination. The more colorful, the better. Though I have no illusions of coming within the earshot of the Master, I will try my hand at it: the terrorists timed the attack carefully to coincide with the state elections (never mind they got some date wrong, as it happened *after* part of the election was already over) because they wanted the BJP to come to power both at the states and the center. So that the Hindutvavadis will get another chance to stir the communal cauldron. What better justification for future jihad ops than Gujarat-II? Or this one: the terrorists targeted Hemant Karkare et al. to malign the Sangh Parivar. They knew that the Sanghis were baying for his blood over Malegaon. They could kill two birds with one stone if they could get at Karkare - the ATS chief would be eliminated and the blame would be put on the Sanghis. 8. The Hindu mythology says that even Gods are not exempt from the natural law. So is EJ. Memory is short for Him too. But the invention of permanent storage - hard disk and stuff like that, the vile little tools of the neo-liberals, though not as evil as the Internet itself <http://www.eetimes.com/news/latest/showArticle.jhtml?articleID=207002146>- has brought back some sense of order. This is what EJ wrote: *I have seen Spade arguing some where that the "felt defeat" of Germans were the reason for Nazi emergence. *This is what I wrote: *No analysis of Nazism is complete without referring to the conditions after WW-I, the German humiliation at Varsailles etc., but never are they offered as a justification or even explanation for Nazism. Nazism is seen rightly as a diabolical ideology in its own right.* The EJ too has to obey the natural law, you see. 9. Hemant Karkare is the one and only hero from the secutiry forces ever. Never mind we were calling him names not so long ago. The others - every one of them - in the security establishment exist solely for the purpose of torturing and harassing innocent Muslims. I was thinking of going offline once again. But I will not do that. I will spend more time to read the jewels from EJ. I have asked my manager to take some of the more time consuming and difficult work off me. Seeing my point he has agreed. After all, such jewels of Revealed Wisdom come only once in a lifetime. If you miss it, you will not get another chance. Cheers, Murali -- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Liberty, if it means anything, is the right to tell people what they don't want to hear. --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "Green Youth Movement" group. To post to this group, send email to greenyouth@googlegroups.com To unsubscribe from this group, send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] For more options, visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/greenyouth?hl=en-GB -~----------~----~----~----~------~----~------~--~---
