Classic!! Thanks for the laugh!
----- Original Message -----
From: "Thane Sherrington (S)" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: <hardware@hardwaregroup.com>
Sent: Wednesday, October 26, 2005 11:37 AM
Subject: [H] -ot- Women are from Venus, and Men just want to blow it up.
I think people will find this funny.
T
Offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix: The
professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a new
form called the tandem story. The process is simple.
Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate
right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a
short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another
copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another
paragraph to the story and send it back, so sending another copy to me.
The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on
back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in
order to keep the story coherent.
There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything
you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both
agree a conclusion has been reached.
The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:
Rebecca and Gary:
THE STORY:
(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home,
now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier
times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all
costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness
was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma
started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.
(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to
think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo
named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year
ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his
transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of
resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish
particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's
cargo
bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat
and across the cockpit.
(Rebecca) He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not
before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing
the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards,
Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful
farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing
War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning.
The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared
out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed
unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television
to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the
beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to
become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
(Gary ) Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to
live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership
launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted
wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament
Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for
the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human
race. Within two hours after the passage of
the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying
enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to
stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The
lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The
President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the
ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive
explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.
(Rebecca) This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of
literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic
semi-literate adolescent.
(Gary) Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered
tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of
Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort
of
F--KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo
who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"
(Rebecca) Asshole.
(Gary) Bitch
(Rebecca) F__K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!
(Gary) Go drink some tea - whore.
(TEACHER) A+ - I really liked this one.
