My wife's mother has in effect cut herself off from her daughter in recent
times. Whilst there was some form of communication it was often quite turbulent
and heated. My wife has tried a number of times to re-establish contact yet her
mother refuses, quite stubbornly, to reply. We are both reverts and have often
felt that our acceptance of the religion has played some part in her mother's
negative attitude. I would be grateful if you could advise us on what me might
possibly do to rectify this situation.
Jazak Allahu Khairan
Answer:
Praise be to Allah,
The reactions of non-muslim mothers towards their children's embracement of
Islam varies. Some mothers are peaceful and passive considering this as a
personal matter which does not affect the relationship between the mother and
her son or daughter. In such cases more piety by the child towards his or her
mother will make the mother admire and respect Islam.
Other mothers adopts a more stubborn approach at the beginning but the mother
finally gives in and accepts the new religion as a fact of life after she sees
the child's determination and persistence which could lead the mother herself
to embrace Islam.
In the third case we find that some mothers are constantly stubborn to the
extent that she might hurt and oppress her son or daughter. Usually such
mothers are blindly prejudice because they consider that her son or daughter
had gone astray by leaving the faith of his fathers and ancestors and she must
do something to help go back to the right path (according to the mother).
The following are three stories that took place at the time of the Prophet ,
Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, that involved three of the Sahaba (Companions
of the Prophet, Peace and Blessings be Upon Him) which illustrates the
reactions of their mothers after they embraced Islam:
Story #1
On the authority of Asmaa' Bint Abi Bakr she said "My mother came to visit
me one day. At that time she was still a polytheist and there was a pledge
between the Prophet, Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, and Quraish (one of the
great tribes in Arabia that lived in Mecca in the pre Islamic Period of
Ignorance who used to enjoy great spiritual and financial powers). I requested
the Prophet's , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, religious verdict and said: Oh
Prophet of Allah, my mother came to visit me, seeking my help; should I keep a
good relationship with her? Yes, keep a good relation with her said the Prophet
, Peace and Blessings be Upon Him:. Reported by Bukhari and Muslim, and this
narration is listed in Sahih Muslim under # 1003.
In another version narrated by Ahmad, on the authority of Asmaa' Bint Abi
Bakr she said " My mother came to visit me when she was still a polytheist and
she was living amongst Quraish. She was desirous, meaning in need, so I asked
the Prophet , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, and said: Oh Prophet of Allah my
mother came to me and she is a polytheist and she needs help. Should I keep a
good relationship with her? He said yes maintain a good relationship with her.
Story #2
On the authority of Abu-Huraira, who said: I used to call my mother to
Islam when she was still a polytheist. One day, while I was calling her she
mentioned something about the Prophet , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, that I
detested. So I went to see the Prophet , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, while
crying and told him: I used to call my mother to Islam and she would refuse. I
called her today and she mentioned something about you that I detested. Please
invoke the blessings and guidance of Allah on her. Then the Prophet, Peace and
Blessings be Upon Him, said: O Great Allah guide the mother of Abu-Huraira. So
I left full of hope because of the Prophet's supplication for my mother. When I
reached home I found that the door was partially closed. My mother heard my
footsteps and said: Stay still Abu-Huraira, then I heard the water running; he
added my mother performed body ablution, put on her cloths and hurriedly opened
the door without her head-cover and said:
"None has the right to be worshipped but Allah and Muhammad, Peace and
Blessings be Upon Him, is the Messenger of Allah". I went back to the Prophet ,
Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, crying of joy and told him: I am bringing you
good news; Allah answered your prayers and guided the mother of Abu-Huraira.
The Prophet, Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, praised and glorified Allah and
said: this is good. I said: Oh Messenger of Allah, pray to Allah to make me and
my mother beloved by Allah's believing slaves and make us love them. The
Prophet , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, said: Oh Allah, make this little
slave of Yours and his mother (meaning Abu-Huraira and his mother) become
beloved by your believing slaves and make the believers love them. Ever since,
there was not a believer who heard of me, even without seeing me, that did not
love me. Reported by Muslim in Sahih Muslim (Muslim Authentic volumes) under #
2491.
Story # 3
On the authority of Saa'd (Ibn Abi Waqas May Allah be pleased with him) who
said that verses of the Qur'an revealed his story. He said Um Saa'd (his
mother) swore not to talk to him ever nor eat or drink until he renounces
Islam. She said: You claim that Allah commanded you to obey your parents. I am
your mother and I order you to do this ( to renounce Islam). He said: She
stayed with nothing to eat or drink for three days until she fainted because of
strain. Then one of her other sons named Umarah gave her water to drink. And
she started to imprecate against Saa'd, then Allah revealed this verse in the
Qur'an, which translates to the meaning of {And We have enjoined on man to be
good and dutiful to his parents; but if they strive to make you join with Me
(in worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have no knowledge, then obey
them not. Unto Me is your return and I shall tell you what you used to do}
Verse 29:8 - Surah 29, Al Ankabut. This Hadith is narrated by
Imam Ahmad in his Musnad and in Sahih Muslim in his Sahih under # 1748.
Also, Allah revealed another verse in the Qur'an, which translates to:
"But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me
others that if which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with
them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to me in
repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell
you what you used to do"( 31:15 - Surah Luqman).
Based on the above stories one can determine how to deal with a non believing
mother and can draw the following significant conclusions:
The importance of good presentation of Islam to the non believing mother
and to try to kindly persuade her and to strive to convince her as Abu Huraira
did (story # 1)
Continue to do good to the non believing mother and to remember that her
disbelief does not justify disobedience by the son or daughter and that doing
her good does not contradict with your innocence of her as a non believer, on
the contrary as it is stated in Verse 31:15 above, Allah has commanded us to
treat the non believing parents kindly even if they strive to make their child
a polytheist because of their rights as parents hoping that they will embrace
Islam.
Continue to sincerely pray and supplicate for the non believing mother
hoping that Allah may guide her, as evident in Abu Huraira's story (story #2).
The divine guidance of Allah may come after continuous strive by the child
and strong objection of the mother as in Abu Huraira's story, therefore the son
should never surrender or give up but should continue to pray and supplicate
for the non believing mother.
Regardless of how hard does the non believing mother strive to make the
son renounces Islam, and the pressure she will exercise against her son such as
refusing to eat or invoking upon him , the son should never surrender or give
in nor should he retrocede away from the righteous path as one of the Sahaba
said to his non believing mother in a similar situation: :If you had one
hundred (100) souls and it all left your body one after the other I will never
give up my religion (Islam)".
It seems that the mother in question deliberately oppresses her daughter
through estrangement which makes her emotional torn but that should never
weaken the Muslim or shake his faith and belief in his religion. There is no
objection to make the non believing mother understand that you are not going to
retrocede , however she (the mother) can kindly ask for anything and she will
be immediately answered to it except for giving up this religion.
We ask Allah to quickly guide her to the righteous path and give you patience
to call her to Islam and lead you to the righteous and correct way.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
"Topeng Perak"@yahoo.com wrote:
PETALING JAYA: The Bar Council is holding a half-day public forum on Saturday
to address the legal issues and the impact of recent highly-publicised cases of
conversions to Islam.
The forum, to be held from 8.30am to 1pm at the Bar Council Secretariat in
Kuala Lumpur, is titled "Conversion to Islam: Art 121(1A) of the Federal
Constitution, Subashini & Shamala Revisited". It is part of efforts by the
council's Family Law Committee to draw attention to the various elements of
family law involving Islam that require reform.
In a press statement issued yesterday, the council said the objective of the
forum was to highlight the plight of families caught in legal disputes
resulting from conflicts in the civil and syariah legal systems.
"We need to discuss the plight of families embroiled in the legal wrangles
brought about by the present conflicts in the laws and to have an open, frank
and mature forum with views on both sides of the religious divide," it said,
adding that the panel would explore the question of resolving confl icts
between a Muslim and a non-Muslim in a marriage.
"It is of concern to the council that the issue of conversion to Islam of one
spouse without the knowledge of the other and the conversion to Islam of the
children by one spouse without the knowledge and consent of the other have
caused so much grief and discord to families from the ensuing legal wrangles.
"The legal implications are far reaching, beyond the question of the
jurisdiction of the courts as the division of properties, custody battles for
the children and the marital status of the couples and alimonies are thrust in
the open and into turmoil."
The forum panel, to be moderated by Zarizana Abdul Aziz from the Women's
Centre for Change, Penang, will include lawyers Ravi Nekoo, K.Shanmuga, Mohamed
Haniff Khatri Abdullah, former Syariah Judge Tuan Dr Haji Mohd Naim Haji
Mokhtar, and Institut Kefahaman Islam Malaysia (Ikim) Syariah Law Centre
director Dr Wan Azhar Wan Ahmad, as well as five affected families.
--
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