Kedua-duanya tak baik.
Rotan pun ada cara dan hadnya.
Tapi menjerit tu walau diktakan baik umpama rotan sah tidak betul.
Ibu bapa yang menjerit, mereka telah menunjukkan contoh yang tidak baik yang
senang-senang ditiru oleh anak-anak.
Anak-anak akan menjerit kepada adik, abang dan kakak. Mak bapak pula
menjerit-menjerit dengan anak-anak. Nah nak jadi apa dalam rumah mereka?
Memukul atau rotan dengan cara yang betul itu lebih baik. Tapi yang terbaik
ialah tidak rotan tidak menjerit. Asuh dan didik anak-anak dengan kasih sayang.
Saya tak pernah jumpa hadith yang Rasulullah merotan atau menjerit terhadap
anaknda Fatimah atau cucu baginda Hassan dan Hussein.
Sila lihat ayat ini..mahfumnya.... surukah anak kamu solat pada umur 7 tahun.
Bila umur 10 tahun jika tidak solat "pukullah" dia. Ada perintah supaya pukul.
Syarat dan caranya yang perlu dipelajari. Tanyalah mereka yang mengetahui...
Mufti.
Ingat kita orang Islam, jangan ikut apa yang bukan Islam.
Salam.
________________________________
From: "ha...@yahoo.com" <ha...@yahoo.com>
To: Ikhwanul Muslimun <hidayahnet@yahoogroups.com>
Sent: Thursday, October 22, 2009 21:10:45
Subject: Help Palestine [hidayahnet] tak mau rotan...jerit pun jadi laaahhh
cara baru utk rotan...ialah jerit kat anak.....
For some parents, shouting is the new spanking
Supermoms don’t yell. They just take use the “mommy” tone. — Reuters picNEW
YORK, Oct 23 — Jackie Klein is a devoted mother of two little boys in the
suburbs of Portland, Ore. She spends hours ferrying them to soccer and Cub
Scouts. She reads child-development books. She can emulate one of those
pitch-perfect calm maternal tones to warn, “You’re making bad choices” when,
say, someone doesn’t want to brush his teeth.
That is 90 per cent of the time. Then there is the other 10 per cent, when, she
admits, “I have become totally frustrated and lost control of myself.”
It can happen during weeks and weeks and weeks of no camp in the summer, or at
the end of a long day at home — just as adult peace is within her grasp — when
the 7- or 9-year-old won’t go to sleep.
And then she yells.
“This is ridiculous! I’ve been doing things all day for you!”
Many in today’s pregnancy-flaunting, soccer-cheering, organic-snack-proffering
generation of parents would never spank their children. We congratulate our
toddlers for blowing their nose (“Good job!”), we friend our teenagers
(literally and virtually), we spend hours teaching our elementary-school
offspring how to understand their feelings. But, incongruously and with
regularity, this is a generation that yells.
“I’ve worked with thousands of parents and I can tell you, without question,
that screaming is the new spanking,” said Amy McCready, the founder of Positive
Parenting Solutions, which teaches parenting skills in classes, individual
coaching sessions and an online course.
“This is so the issue right now. As parents understand that it’s not socially
acceptable to spank children, they are at a loss for what they can do. They
resort to reminding, nagging, timeout, counting 1-2-3 and quickly realise that
those strategies don’t work to change behaviour. In the absence of tools that
really work, they feel frustrated and angry and raise their voice. They feel
guilty afterward, and the whole cycle begins again.”
Amy Wilson, a writer and actress in Manhattan, used to give up shopping for
Lent. That was before she had children, now ages 6, 5 and 2. This year she gave
up yelling. Or tried to. “It didn’t really work,” she said, “but I definitely
yelled less.”
Wilson has written a humorous autobiographical book about parenting, to be
published next year, called “When Did I Get Like This?” An entire chapter is
devoted to her personal efforts to curtail her yelling.
A one-woman show, “Mother Load,” which she wrote and performed Off Broadway and
will take on tour for the second time next year, opens with a yelling scene
that draws laughs and includes the line “I have had it with looking for puppy”
in a high-decibel lament that rings true to anyone who has searched for a
favourite stuffed animal for the seventh time in a day.
Familial screamers have long been a beloved part of American pop culture, from
the Costanzas of “Seinfeld” back to the Goldbergs of radio and early
television, but they didn’t yell at small children. And though previous
generations of parents may have yelled in real life — Dr. Spock called shouting
“inevitable from time to time” — this generation of parents seems to be
uniquely troubled by their own outbursts.
“My name is Francesca Castagnoli and I am a screamer,” began a post on
Motherblogger..net earlier this year. “Admitting I’m a mom that screams, shouts
and loses it in front her kids feels like I’m revealing a dark family secret.”
“It’s not kind,” said Klein in Oregon. “When I’m done I feel awful.”
To research their book “Mommy Guilt: Learn to Worry Less, Focus on What Matters
Most, and Raise Happier Kids,” the three authors, Devra Renner, Aviva Pflock
and Julie Bort, commissioned a survey of 1,300 parents across the country to
determine sources of parental guilt. Two-thirds of respondents named yelling —
not working or spanking or missing a school event — as their biggest guilt
inducer.
“What blew us away about that is that the one thing you really have ultimate
control over is the tone of your voice,” said Pflock, a child development
specialist.
Parental yelling today may be partly a releasing of stress for multitasking,
overachieving adults, parenting experts say.
“Yelling is done when parents feel irritable and anxious,” said Harold S.
Koplewicz, the founder of the New York University Child Study Centre. “It can
be as simple as ‘I’m overwhelmed, I’m running late for work, I had a fight with
my wife, I have a project due — and my son left his homework upstairs.’ “
Numerous studies exist on the effect of corporal punishment on children. A new
one came out just last month. Led by a researcher at Duke University’s Centre
for Child and Family Policy, the study concluded that spanking children when
they are very young (1-year-old) can slow their intellectual development and
lead to aggressive behaviour as they grow older. But there is far less data on
the more common habit of shouting and screaming in families.
One study that did take a look at the topic — a paper on the “psychological
aggression by American parents” published in the Journal of Marriage and Family
in 2003 — found that parental yelling was a near-universal occurrence. Of 991
families interviewed, in 88 per cent of them a parent acknowledged shouting,
screaming or yelling at the kids at least once (though it didn’t specify how
many did it more often) in the previous year.
“We are so accustomed to this that we just think parents get carried away and
that it’s not harmful,” said one of the study’s lead authors, Murray A. Straus,
a sociologist who is a director of the Family Research Laboratory at the
University of New Hampshire. “But it affects a child. If someone yelled at you
at work, you’d find that pretty jarring. We don’t apply that standard to
children.”Psychologists and psychiatrists generally say yelling should be
avoided. It’s at best ineffective (the more you do it the more the child tunes
it out) and at worse damaging to a child’s sense of well-being and self-esteem.
“It isn’t the yelling per se that’s going to make a difference, it’s how the
yelling is interpreted,” said Ronald P. Rohner, director of the Ronald and
Nancy Rohner Centre for the Study of Interpersonal Acceptance and Rejection at
the University of Connecticut. If a parent is simply loud, he says, the effect
is minimal. But if the tone connotes anger, insult or sarcasm, it can be
perceived as a sign of rejection.
Rohner noted that while spanking is considered taboo by the major medical and
psychological associations, there are still some religious and conservative
groups who support it as an effective disciplinary tool, believing that the
Bible explicitly allows it.
But, he said, “There is no group of Americans that advocate yelling as a
parenting style.”
“My bottom-line recommendation is don’t yell,” he said. “It is a risk factor
for a family.”
Easier said than done. Strategies to stop yelling abound. Klein said she has a
friend who gives herself a timeout by going into another room when she feels a
scream coming on.
Experts suggest figuring out ways to prevent situations that make you most
prone to yell. If forgotten homework sends you into the stratosphere, make sure
the children have their books and notebooks packed and waiting by the door
before they go to bed. If you’re stressed and hungry after a long day at the
office, make sure you grab something to eat in the kitchen before you tackle,
say, a brewing disagreement over Legos.
Still, there are those moments.
“I’d like to think that most of the time we have a good interaction based on
reason,” Lena Merrill said of her 4-year-old daughter, whom she has never
spanked. But then there are the times when “she’s done something like poured
milk on the floor or ripped a page out of a book,” Merrill said. “I just lose
it..”
Usually, she says, she shouts something like, “Why did you do that? Why would
you do that?”
“It’s phrased like a question to make her think, but the tone scares her,”
Merrill said.
Still, Merrill, a travel consultant in Rutherford, N.J., finds that the threat
of yelling can be a convenient stick, much the way the threat of a spanking was
in her childhood. Even her husband has taken to using it to encourage good
behaviour, she said, issuing the warning:
“Don’t make mommy mad.” — NYT
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