Hi Ben,
On 5/10/18 05:53, Ben Campbell wrote:
> Ben Campbell has entered the following ballot position for
> draft-ietf-hip-rfc4423-bis-19: No Objection
>
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> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> COMMENT:
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> I have mostly just reviewed the diff from RFC4423. My comments are mostly
> editorial.
>
> First, a minor rant that I don't expect to be addressed at this point in the
> process; I mainly say this to try to discourage it future bis drafts: There
> are
> quite a few changes from 4423 that are entirely stylistic, but do not
> materially change the content or improve readability. I wish people wouldn't
> do
> that, because it makes it harder to review material changes with the diff
> tools. (I will only point out such changes where I think the original was more
> correct.)
apologies for this!
> -General: There seems to have been a systematic attempt to remove hyphens from
> compound adjectives. There also seems to be a systematic attempt to change
> headings from title case to normal sentence case. I suspect the RFC editor
> will change those all back.
(Adam already asked to fix a number of compound adjectives)
> Abstract: The abstract manages to completely avoid saying what this namespace
> is _for_. (Yes, I realize that is old text :-) )
I changed the first sentence to:
This memo describes the Host Identity (HI) namespace, that provides a
cryptographic namespace to applications, and the associated protocol
layer, the Host Identity Protocol, located between the
internetworking and transport layers, that supports end-host
mobility, multihoming and NAT traversal.
Is this ok for you?
> §1, first paragraph: s/ "try and do"/"try to do"
>
> §4.2: Please mention the HIT abbreviation in the text, not just the heading.
> (The text should make sense even without the headings.)
>
> §5:
> - third paragraph: Missing articles before "Left" and "right".
> - 2nd to last paragraph: Missing article before "HIP layer" (multiple
> instances).
fixed, thanks!
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