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Recently I was quite alarmed when I read an article
in one the broadsheet newspapers titled GO GET OSAMA.
I was intrigued as to what this article was about as a friend of mine has a son called Osama and I was wondering if he had been playing truant again. Apparently the Americans have devised a cunning strategy in which they will kill or capture Osama bin Ladin in Afghanistan. They plan to do this by possibly launching air raids on the poor country and also send in an elite band of American soldiers with the help of Pakistani commanders and the ISI. The Pakistan authorities are not particularly keen on this idea as they know that Shiekh Osama is loved by millions and if Pakistan as an alleged Muslim country helps in his capture then possibly a civil war would erupt in the country and this would lead to all out chaos. This ridiculous scheme by the Americans is completely flawed so therefore I have a suggestion to make to President Bush, the FBI and the United Nations. Here goes ….. John Rambo liberated part of Afghanistan from the Russians in 1988; therefore he knows the people, language (he did say Inshallah), the terrain and also he is one hard son of a gun. Surely , it would make sense to take him from a retirement home in some Buddhist colony, give him his famous good luck token (his knife) and send him to ‘dem hills’. I mean, Rambo is hard , he can take torture, fly helicopters, expert in weapons , has nine lives and he has a six pack. Makes sense. Still, I am a fair person and he may need help. Therefore I suggest the following: The A team – Now the colonel loved it when a plan came together. Mr T could make an anti-craft gun from walnuts and watermelons and throw them at khandahar. The only problem I see here is that Mr T did not like flying and so Murdoch would have to drug him up and ‘persuade’ him to fly. Another problem would be the gold he wears as obviously a Hugh black man with a Mohican and 85 kilograms of gold may seem a little suspicious in the mountains of Afghanistan. Now the beauty of this plan is that Face would come into this as he was excellent at disguises. I suggest a turban would do the trick. (Mr T is also hard as he did beat up Rocky) Bruce Willis – Bruce Willis may look like an idiot with his stupid grin, but believe me this man is tough and quite handy. OK. I know he looks like a twerp and that he has no biceps or six pack but for Gods sake this man single handed saved the biggest bearer bond theft in history, he rescued an entire airport and he saved the city of New York Arnold Schwarzenegger - Here we have another hard man. He did rescue his daughter from south Columbian drug barons and dictators. He father was a Nazi, he destroyed the Crimson Jihad, and he went to Mars and saved a whole race of mutants as well as destroying the devil. Busy old boy that one. He also has biceps like coconuts. Arnie has a good track record and we know that his motto is I’ll be back - not from Afghanistan you won’t mate. Now in this plan of mine we still have a logistical problem – How do these brave boys go into Afghanistan? Simple. Airwolf – The old helicopter has to be called from retirement as does the pilot Stringfellow Hawk – (half Red Indian and half prat) Airwolf will fly these soldiers of the American imagination into the mountains of Afghanistan at the speed of light, if something goes wrong they will also have emergency cover. You see Mr Bush I have thought of everything. If the helicopter breaks down, Knight rider with Kit - his trusty talking friend can turbo charge over the mountains and grab Shiekh Osama and then turbo charge back into Pakistan. Simple. So we have the logistics worked out and the man power, but still seems to me that more man power is needed and as this is a superhuman effort, it is obvious that we require people with special powers. This is where Batman, The Hulk (again he would have to be camouflaged with a Turban); Spiderman and wonder woman could come in useful. Unfortunately the six million dollar man is way too old otherwise he would have been useful is this operation. I would also like to suggest to Mr Bush that if he requires any more help and logistical advice than I would be more than happy to help as my imagination is very active similar to the American think tanks imagination. Finally, if any of these people get captured then Chuck Norris would have to be called as he has rescued people in Vietnam and has a wide range of skills. Please Mr Bush , I would like you to also use your own initiative ( once you know what the word means) as you have units such as the Navy Seals and Charlie Sheen, Delta Force – Good old Chuck again ( Just be careful that Chuck is not Chucked off the mountain) – Infact the choice is endless. Abu Abdullah – Maktabah Al Ansaar The above piece was written a day before the attacks on America. |
