Thanks for the comment Robert, I appreciate the suggestion to use YANG, we thought of it. The main reason we did not do it was we did not want the document to keep on growing and if such a model were defined it would be good to have it normative.
I will go through the grammar, though I expect we have been through a lot of those. Yours, Daniel On Thu, Oct 20, 2022 at 6:56 AM Robert Wilton via Datatracker < nore...@ietf.org> wrote: > Robert Wilton has entered the following ballot position for > draft-ietf-homenet-front-end-naming-delegation-19: No Objection > > When responding, please keep the subject line intact and reply to all > email addresses included in the To and CC lines. (Feel free to cut this > introductory paragraph, however.) > > > Please refer to > https://www.ietf.org/about/groups/iesg/statements/handling-ballot-positions/ > for more information about how to handle DISCUSS and COMMENT positions. > > > The document, along with other ballot positions, can be found here: > > https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-homenet-front-end-naming-delegation/ > > > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > COMMENT: > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Like other ADs, I found this document hard to read. > > Rather than defining a JSON schema file in Appendix B, it would be much > better > if this was defined in YANG, which is the IETF standard data modelling > language > for network configuration. A JSON encoding for YANG defined data also > exists > so it would still work for what is proposed here. > > I also ran a grammar tool over the XML for -19, and it flagged up these > warnings that you might want to consider checking/fixing in the next > revision > (they are not necessarily all valid): > > Spellings: > Sometimes you use HomeNet, in other places, Homenet, and also homenet. > Pre-requisite, > SIgning, > > Grammar Warnings: > Section: abstract, draft text: > Home network owners may have devices or services hosted on this home > network > that they wish to access from the Internet (i.e., from a network outside > of the > home network). Warning: This phrase is redundant. Consider using outside. > Suggested change: "outside" > > Section: 1, draft text: > The appendices discuss several management (see [sec-reverse]) provisioning > (see > [sec-reverse]), configurations (see [info-model]) and deployment (see > [sec-deployment] and [sec-ex-manu]) aspects. Warning: Possible agreement > error. The noun management seems to be uncountable; consider using: some > management. Suggested change: "some management" > > Section: 3, draft text: > The IPv6 ULA and the private IPv4 addresses may be useful to publish, if > the > home network environment features a VPN that would allow the home owner to > reach the network. Warning: This noun normally spelled as one word. > Suggested > change: "homeowner" > > Section: 3, draft text: > Since communications are established with names which remain a global > identifier, the communication can be protected by TLS the same way it is > protected on the global Internet - using certificates. Warning: Possible > typo: > you repeated a whitespace Suggested change: " " > > Section: 4, draft text: > While the IETF has defined a DNS based mechanism Dynamic Update [RFC2136], > in > many – as far as the co-authors know in all cases – case commercial > “Dynamic > Update” solutions are primarily implemented via a HTTPS RESTful API. > Warning: > Use an instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, > e.g. 'an > article', 'an hour' Suggested change: "an" > > Section: 4, draft text: > Any host can do this regardless of whether or not the home network > administrator wants the name published or not. Warning: Consider > shortening > this phrase to just whether. It is correct though if you mean 'regardless > of > whether'. Suggested change: "whether" > > Section: 4, draft text: > The DNS zone are then synchronized using an alternative mechanism as the > one > designed for zone synchronisation inherited from the primary used case > where > the synchronization is performed at the node level. Warning: Do not mix > variants of the same word ('synchronisation' and 'synchronization') within > a > single text. Suggested change: "synchronization" > > Section: 4, draft text: > Our proposal use the standard mechanism defined by DNS for zone > synchronisation. > Warning: Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for > singular > and mass nouns: uses. Suggested change: "uses" > > Section: 4, draft text: > Our proposal use the standard mechanism defined by DNS for zone > synchronisation. > Warning: Do not mix variants of the same word ('synchronisation' and > 'synchronization') within a single text. Suggested change: > "synchronization" > > Section: 5.1, draft text: > Such a domain name does not need to be human readable. > Warning: This word is normally spelled with hyphen. > Suggested change: "human-readable" > > Section: 5.1, draft text: > Instead these keys are solely used by the HNA for the authentication to > the DM. > Warning: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb? > Suggested change: "Instead," > > Section: 5.1.1, draft text: > One potential mechanism to provide the parameters would be to provide the > user > with a JSON object which they can copy paste into the CPE - such as > described > in [info-model]. Warning: Did you mean copy and paste? Suggested change: > "copy and paste" > > Section: 6.1, draft text: > The “.local” as well as “.home.arpa” are explicitly not considered as > Public > Homenet zones and represented as Homenet Zone in [fig-naming-arch]. > Warning: > The singular proper name 'Homenet' must be used with a third-person or a > past > tense verb: zones, zoned. Suggested change: "Zones" > > Section: 3.1, draft text: > In some cases, the HNA and Homenet Authoritative Servers may be combined > together which would result in a common instantiation of an authoritative > server on the WAN and inner homenet interface. Warning: 'combined > together' is > redundant. Use combined Suggested change: "combined" > > Section: 6.2, draft text: > The Control Channel and the Synchronization Channel are the interfaces used > between the HNA and the DOI. Warning: The singular proper name 'Channel' > must > be used with a third-person or a past tense verb: is, was, were. Suggested > change: "is" > > Section: 4.1, draft text: > In term of RRset information this includes: > Warning: Did you mean the commonly used phrase In terms of? > Suggested change: "In terms of" > > Section: 4.2, draft text: > Though the HNA may also later directly update the values of the DS via the > Control Channel, it is RECOMMENDED to use other mechanisms such as CDS and > CDNSKEY [RFC7344] for transparent updates during key roll overs. Warning: > This > expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen. Suggested change: > "roll-overs" > > Section: 4.5.2, draft text: > A SERVFAIL error is returned when a internal error is encountered. > Warning: Use an instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel > sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour' Suggested change: "an" > > Section: 4.5.4, draft text: > As indicated by [RFC2136] Section 2.5.2 the delete instruction is set by > setting the TTL to 0, the Class to ANY, the RDLENGTH to 0 and the RDATA > MUST be > empty. Warning: After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the > spelling of > 'delete' is correct. If 'delete' is the first word in a compound > adjective, use > a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you > use a > verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English. > > Section: 7.6, draft text: > TLS [RFC8446]) MUST be used to secure the transactions between the DM and > the > HNA and the DM and HNA MUST be mutually authenticated. Warning: Unpaired > symbol: '(' seems to be missing > > Section: 4.7, draft text: > This results in a limited number of possible exchanges (AXFR/IXFR) with a > small > number of IP addresses and an implementation SHOULD enable filtering > policies > as described in [sec-cpe-sec-policies]. Warning: Specify a number, remove > phrase, use a few, or use some Suggested change: "a few" > > Section: 8, draft text: > Note that the Control Channel and the Synchronization Channel are by > construction different channels even though there they may use the same IP > address. Warning: The singular proper name 'Channel' must be used with a > third-person or a past tense verb: is, was, were. Suggested change: "is" > > Section: 8, draft text: > On the other hand, the Synchronization Channel is set between the DM > working as > a client using port ZZZZ ( another high range port) toward a service > provided > by the HNA at port XX. Warning: Don't put a space after the opening > parenthesis. Suggested change: "(" > > Section: 8.1, draft text: > The AXFR request from the DM to the HNA MUST be secured with TLS [RFC8446]) > following DNS Zone Transfer over TLS [RFC9103]. Warning: Unpaired symbol: > '(' > seems to be missing > > Section: 7, draft text: > The HNA SHOULD drop any packets arriving on the WAN interface that are not > issued from the DM – as opposed to server as an Homenet Authoritative > Server > exposed on the Internet. Warning: The usual proposition after "arriving" > is > "at" not "on". Did you mean arriving at? Suggested change: "arriving at" > > Section: 7, draft text: > The HNA SHOULD drop any packets arriving on the WAN interface that are not > issued from the DM – as opposed to server as an Homenet Authoritative > Server > exposed on the Internet. Warning: Use a instead of 'an' if the following > word > doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university' > Suggested > change: "a" > > Section: 10, draft text: > Only TLS packet or potentially some DNS packets ( see XoT) packets SHOULD > be > allowed. Warning: Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis. > Suggested > change: "(" > > Section: 7, draft text: > The HNA SHOULD reject any incoming messages other than DNS NOTIFY > response, SOA > query, IXFR query or AXFR query. Warning: Possible typo: you repeated a > whitespace Suggested change: " " > > Section: 8, draft text: > More specifically, a common case is that the upstream ISP provides the IPv6 > prefix to the Homenet with a IA_PD [RFC8415] option and manages the DOI of > the > associated reverse zone. Warning: Use an instead of 'a' if the following > word > starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour' Suggested change: > "an" > > Section: 11, draft text: > Such constraints does not raise major concerns either for hot standby or > load > sharing configuration. Warning: You should probably use do. Suggested > change: > "do" > > Section: 11, draft text: > Outsourcing the DNS Authoritative service from the HNA to a third party > raises > a few privacy related concerns. Warning: Possible agreement error. The > noun > privacy seems to be uncountable; consider using: little privacy. Suggested > change: "little privacy" > > Section: 11, draft text: > A well designed User Interface would combine a policy for making a service > public by a name with a policy on who may access it. Warning: This word is > normally spelled with hyphen. Suggested change: "well-designed" > > Section: 12.1, draft text: > This MAY involved a mix of exchanges protected by TLS and exchanges not > protected by TLS. Warning: The modal verb 'MAY' requires the verb's base > form. > Suggested change: "involve" > > Section: 12.1, draft text: > This MAY be handled by a off-line agreement between the DM and HNA as well > as > with the use of RCODES defined in Section 7.8 of [RFC9103]. Warning: Use > an > instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an > article', 'an hour' Suggested change: "an" > > Section: 12.3, draft text: > In addition IPv6 enables temporary addresses that makes them even more > volatile > [RFC8981]. Warning: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking > adverb? > Suggested change: "addition," > > Section: 12.4, draft text: > To provide resilience against CPE breaks, it is RECOMMENDED to backup these > keys to avoid an emergency key roll over when the CPE breaks. Warning: > Did you > mean to back up? Suggested change: "to back up" > > Section: 17, draft text: > The authors wish to thank Philippe Lemordant for his contributions on the > early > versions of the draft; Ole Troan for pointing out issues with the IPv6 > routed > home concept and placing the scope of this document in a wider picture; > Mark > Townsley for encouragement and injecting a healthy debate on the merits of > the > idea; Ulrik de Bie for providing alternative solutions; Paul Mockapetris, > Christian Jacquenet, Francis Dupont and Ludovic Eschard for their remarks > on > HNA and low power devices; Olafur Gudmundsson for clarifying DNSSEC > capabilities of small devices; Simon Kelley for its feedback as dnsmasq > implementer; Andrew Sullivan, Mark Andrew, Ted Lemon, Mikael Abrahamson, > and > Ray Bellis for their feedback on handling different views as well as > clarifying > the impact of outsourcing the zone signing operation outside the HNA; Mark > Andrew and Peter Koch for clarifying the renumbering. Warning: The usual > preposition for "contribution" is "to". Did you mean contributions to? > Suggested change: "contributions to" > > Section: A.1, draft text: > This section details what needs to be provisioned into the HNA and serves > as a > requirements statement for mechanisms. Warning: Apostrophe might be > missing. > Suggested change: "requirements'" > > Section: A.1, draft text: > — the Registered Domain (e.g., myhome.example ) — the contact info for the > Distribution Manager (DM), including the DNS name (FQDN), possibly > including > the IP literal, and a certificate (or anchor) to be used to authenticate > the > service — the DM transport protocol and port (the default is DNS over TLS, > on > port 853) — the HNA credentials used by the DM for its authentication. > Warning: > Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis. Suggested change: ")" > > Section: A.1, draft text: > The above parameters MUST be be provisioned for ISP-specific reverse zones. > Warning: Did you mean been? > Suggested change: "been" > > Section: A.1, draft text: > Once the registrar has been selected, the HNA redirects the end user to > that > registrar in order to receive a access token. Warning: Use an instead of > 'a' > if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an > hour' > Suggested change: "an" > > Section: Appendix B, draft text: > Note that HNA does not defines ports for the Synchronization Channel. > Warning: Did you mean define? As 'do' is already inflected, the verb > cannot > also be inflected. Suggested change: "define" > > Section: Appendix B, draft text: > Currently the Configuration Channel does not provide this, and limits its > agility to a dedicated IP address. Warning: Did you forget a comma after a > conjunctive/linking adverb? Suggested change: "Currently," > > Section: Appendix B, draft text: > The device would need to be provisioned with a device-unique credential, > and it > is likely that the Registered Homenet Domain would be derived from a public > attribute of the device, such as a serial number (see [sec-ex-manu] or > [I-D.richardson-homerouter-provisioning] for more details ). Warning: > Don't > put a space before the closing parenthesis. Suggested change: ")" > > Section: Appendix C, draft text: > In addition to having a assymmetric credential known to the manufacturer, > the > device also has been provisioned with an agreed upon name. Warning: Use an > instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an > article', 'an hour' Suggested change: "an" > > > > _______________________________________________ > homenet mailing list > homenet@ietf.org > https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/homenet > -- Daniel Migault Ericsson
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