Where is Sidd Fitch when you need him? On Apr 1, 2010, at 8:30 AM, [email protected] wrote:
> Kenny, > > This one was one of the best April Fool jokes. Most everything > sounded plausabe with me until you got to the part about the Chinese > manufacturing the damned things. > > Thanks a lot, a great chuckle for the day! > > Walt Lewis > Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry > > -----Original Message----- > From: [email protected] > Date: Thu, 1 Apr 2010 08:18:46 > To: <[email protected]>; <[email protected]> > Subject: [Hornlist] NEW FRENCH HORN MOUTHPIECE RIM > > > The French horn mouthpiece rim is probably-maybe the most important > piece > of equipment we have. Since our lips are producing the sound, > given a > steady, athletic airstream, it is the most intimate connection > between the > French horn player and instrument. Traditionally, rims are made of > metal or > plastic. Metal rims are usually brass or nickel silver, and are > left simply > polished or plated with either silver or gold, though chrome and > bright > nickel have also been used with some success. A variety of > plastics have > been used, including PS, PP, PDV, PA, PC, the most popular now being > LEXAN™, > (PRT). Rims come in countless shapes and contours: round, cushion, > oval, > reverse peak, flat, wide, medium, narrow and on and on and on! Most > players experiment constantly, frequently or now and again to find > the “perfect” > rim which will give them a great sound, ease of flexibility and range, > quick, predictable and consistent response, and endurance. It > seems that many > never find exactly what they want because of compromises in these > traditional designs. A wide rounded rim may be easy to play and > give good endurance > but has a dull sound or difficult flexibility. A narrow flat or > reverse > peak rim may open up the sound and quicken response but cuts down on > endurance. Silver plating pits after a while with constant use > (depending on body > chemistry, etc.) and has to be re-plated, usually changing the feel > of the > rim since it is hard to judge and control the amount of plating > applied to > duplicate the original completely. Gold plating feels more slippery > and > perhaps helps flexibility but it wears off even quicker than silver > and also > has to be replaced. Some French horn players are allergic to > metals (or in > my own case, it’s allergic to me) and use plastic. Plastic rims fe > el > sticky compared to plated or bare metal ones. There are millions > of mouthpiece > stories, most with bad endings, so I’m not going on and on about th > is. > Perhaps the folks here will want to “chime in” later with their o > wn > experiences. > The “perfect” rim would give the player a lively sound, quick > response, > flawless flexibility and technique in changing registers small clam > percentages, and, most importantly, ENDURANCE! I don’t know about > you, but I hate > practicing! But I have to do my “daily routine” in order to > build and > keep the strength and skill I need to play in public. I haven’t p > racticed > since last August as I had nothing scheduled to play since I’m semi > -retired > from performing. I have engagements coming up so now I have to get > in > shape. It will take me, using my genuine LAWSON B23G 695 LEXAN™ ri > m, about a > week to 10 days of gradually increasing the length my daily practice > sessions to get to what I call “a two hour lip.” Once achieved, > my “two hour lip” > gives me the confidence to go “into battle” and play my best! > Yes, I do > watch TV when I do my “horn aerobics and weight training,” which > are > Farkas type warm ups, long tones, scales, arpeggios, Kopprasch > (from freaking > memory), etc. but I have seen enough reruns of CSI, Law and Order > and Looney > Tunes (not to mention Star Wars, Battlestar Galactica and the Three > Stooges) and I am sick of the news channels like Fox and CNN with > all of their > crappy political posturing and LA car chases. I don’t like sports > except > Formula One racing, which is rarely on, so I’m probably stuck listen > ing to > myself doing the same old stuff, over and over, lengthening the > session, every > friggin' day! BAH! What if all of this could be avoided? I’ve wo > ndered > about that for years watching reruns and news. You probably have > too. > I HAVE FOUND THE ANSWER! > INTRODUCING: THE WATER RIM! > The WATER RIM is my latest product development at Lawson Horns. > Modern > technology and materials coupled with my own lust for knowledge > have made it > all possible. Please allow me to describe and explain this > revolutionary > new piece of miracle equipment for the French horn player, be they > serious > or not. > It is constructed by attaching a .001” thick round “pillow” or > “envelope” > of MYLAR™ (boPET) to a traditional LEXAN™ plastic screw rim that > is cut > down to a flat or contoured surface (with or without retaining > surfaces on > its edges) from .119” to .478” wide at the thread joint with the > cup. > This “pillow” can be made to any cubic specification thus > creating different > sizes and feels and different shapes achieved by the width, contour > and > retaining surfaces of the screw base. The “pillow” is attached > securely to > the base using the recently introduced NanoLaserSchweisserAtomique > from the > Swiss company SELVAGGIO-BÉCASSINE-JAEGER, a very expensive but not > too > complicated to operate machine. It is then injected to capacity > with distilled > water using a conventional hypodermic needle. For now, the hole is > closed > using the NanoLaserSchweisserAtomique and the rim is ready to play. > This > took some practice, since we are dealing with nano technology in the > process, and you have to be careful to cover all of your nanos at > all times. I > will develop and implement a valve, similar to that on a beach > ball, but nano > sized, so that the firmness is easily adjusted by adding or > emptying water > by the player as requirements of repertoire being performed may > dictate. > Either way, all manufacturing processes are done in about a tenth > of the > time it takes to mill a conventional rim from metal or plastic as > the bases > are very simple to make, and even simpler (and cheaper), once > farmed out to > China as they don’t have to be as precise as a whole, properly cont > oured > screw rim. > “HOW’S IT PLAY” you ask? > “WELL, PLEASE, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING” > I reply. > I picked up the horn today (as I mentioned earlier I had not > practiced > since last August) and played for 6 hours, 37 minutes and 42 > seconds straight > with a great sound and range from pedal C to F above high C with > better > flexibility than I have ever had! It felt so good at the start, I > did no > Farkas warm up, long tones, scales, arpeggios and most importantly > KOPPRASCH and > played through all the Mozart Concertos (improvising 5 to 10 minute > cadenzas up to F’s above high C and ending with a 20 second long li > p trill on > high C), all the Strauss (both Franz and Richard) concertos and > solo pieces, > (taking the coda of R. Strauss No. 1 at mm198 to the dotted > quarter), the > Schumann A and A (twice, straight through without a break) and 1st > part to > the Konzertstueck, (again, twice in a row), the Villanelle, En > Foret, the > Beethoven Sonata, the Brahms trio and the Mozart horn quintet, the > John > Williams horn concerto and my entire collection of screaming > Baroque horn > concerti (16 in all) on my descant! I did also throw in one > Kopprasch, No. 54, > at mm144 to the quarter note since my flexibility was so good and the > fastest I had ever been able to play that one in the past, even > when I was at > Curtis, was about mm48. All of this with only a half dozen or so > clams, and > those were because I didn’t use my air correctly, not because I was > tired. > And I could have gone on and on but the Grand Prix race ended on > TV! Now, > I don’t have to practice ever again! Remember, though, that I am > a > veteran professional with over 40 years experience and 50 years > total horn > playing on my resume and I was a complete natural and child prodigy > on the horn, > anyway, so your results may vary, depending on your own abilities and > experience. Also, it’s not to say that everyone will have to bypas > s initial > training, study and practice since you’ll still need to know how to > read music > (maybe even at sight), transpose, use your air, and probably most > importantly, get a good lip. But this might speed the lip building > process up a > bit. As a world class instructor, I’ll find out at KBHC and with m > y students > at UNH. I do believe, though, that this is the definitive answer to > every > French horn player’s prayers! > “WHEN CAN I GET ONE” you ask? > Well, I have to make a bunch, which should take a week or two, and > price > it. That’s the hard part. Should I apply for a patent? Probably n > ot. Big > delay due to government bureaucracy and I’m not worried in the leas > t about > the jejune, sleazy, popinjays who compete with us, copying our stuff, > usually inaccurately so it doesn’t work the same as the real thing. > What is it > truly worth to play hundreds of times better than what you are > doing now? > What is it worth to never have to practice. NEVER AGAIN? > Hundreds, even > thousands or MILLIONS of dollars? Can I really put a dollar value > on helping > thousands, even millions, of French horn players to play better? > Not to > mention pissing off the legions of conductors who won’t be able to > yell at > their horn sections anymore and the music critics who won’t be able > write “ > This was an excellent concert but the horns missed some notes” agai > n and > again. Also, do I make this available to the other brass players > allowing > them to play even louder than they do now? Here is a chance to > stop hoping > and start changing for all of us French horn players! Geezs, I > might just be > a true philanthropist and give it away in order to make the world a > better > place! Hell, if Prof. I.M. Gestopftmitscheist gets a hold of one of > these, he’ll be out of friggin' business! HAHAHA! This is what I h > ave to ponder > as well as my next product, which came to me in a dream, whilst fast > asleep on a mattress made of memory foam. > _______________________________________________ > post: [email protected] > unsubscribe or set options at > https://pegasus.memphis.edu/cgi-bin/mailman/options/horn/lewhorn9%40yahoo.com > _______________________________________________ > post: [email protected] > unsubscribe or set options at > https://pegasus.memphis.edu/cgi-bin/mailman/options/horn/bgross%40airmail.net _______________________________________________ post: [email protected] unsubscribe or set options at https://pegasus.memphis.edu/cgi-bin/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
