Steve,
I hope you aren't in one of the concert bands that
plays at one of two dynamic levels: loud and louder. 
Concert bands can play exquisitely if disciplined and
lead by a discriminating conductor, but unfortunately,
these are in the minority.  Here are some choices:
1) find a different band; find a smaller ensemble;
2) use your political influence to relocate yourself
to the back of the band;
3) become friends with the conductor and with the
principals, and again use your political wiles to
broaden their weltschaung to include the possiblities
of soft and delicate playing; a corollary approach
would be to pop off with snide comments during
rehearsal about "how nice would it be if the band
could play softly at times" (not recommended).

Regarding playing those continuous off-beats, follow
Professor Pizka's advice.  I think off-beats can also
be an opportunity to work on a disciplined embouchure
if you can relax your lips during the non-play
duration, then set again for the off-beat.  Try to
avoid sacrificing tone quality for volume.  When your
tone is good, you will feel that in your embouchure
even if you can't here yourself against the 17
saxophones and 13 trombones.

We are constantly in the process of trying to find our
best venue. Find music happiness in seeing your own
progress. Find what you need to make your own practice
at home more enjoyable.  For example, make up your own
practice routine, play improvision, put as much of
your own practice under your own control while still
achieving your playing goals (of improved tone,
extended range, endurance, musical expression, etc.).
Don't play etudes that you don't enjoy.  There are
many different ways to develop as a horn player
without needing to practice drudgery that you don't like.

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