Now, I have the mostestest of knowings that I am now making the mostest, accuratestest of describings here that this is something that has the mostest exactest, precisest, and same effect on your horn, and is also much, much, much cheaper, than cryogenics so first you must find a construction site or if you live in rural Arkansas or somewhere like that then you must just go out in back of your house, and find the porta potty at the construction site or the outdoor plumbing shack (outhouse), depending on whether you are at the constuction site or home, and next, just look inside to make sure no one is in there and if so, wait for them to leave, or disturb them if you wish, whatever is fine, and once you can get in, lift up the seat and take a look down there to make sure there are no perverts spying up and if there are, ask them politely to leave, and then carefully drop your horn down in there making sure it is completely covered by the blue stuff if it is a porta potty and completely covered by the whatever if it is the outhouse and leave your horn for whatever amount of time it takes to have the placebo effect on you and then pull it out (maybe a good idea to use rubber gloves) and play the Siegfried Call or Ein Heldenleben or Till Eulenspiegel or Appalachian Spring or Shostakovitch 5 or The Empire Strikes Back, or Tea for Two, or Frank Zappa, or Rock Island Line or Hound Dog or Sgt. Pooper's Lonely Farts Club Band or even Kopprasch No. 1 (or No. 2), it really doesn't matter what, and I GUARANTEE that you will play anything a lot, lot, lot differently than you ever, ever, ever, ever did before and just you have the rememberings that this is both objective and subjective as everyone will object whenever you bring up the subject and I remember a tour once when the entire brass section treated their instruments like this in the room at the back of the Greyhound bus as well as the viola section and only one person of that entire group disagreed with the results and that was the violist we forgot to take out of there at the end of the tour before the bus went back to the garage so no before or after comparison was done on that violist because his wife killed him when he got home because he had lost his entire per diem and paycheck playing poker and I always wished that this could have been done and what is wrong with the scientifical-musical communities, anyways? Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Alchemicalizations, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, "The Phantom Lane Changers" (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, "The Kopprasch Connection," "Kopprasch for Fun and Profit," "Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In?" "Hooked on Hornonics," "What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn?" and "The DaVinci Clam: Does Koppraschogenic Treatment Really Change the Molecular Structure of the True Horn Sound?" Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, "The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory" Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Amborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes Web Site: sort of "Only a limited number of shopping days until CLAMSAA!" _______________________________________________ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
