NOW, I must have the mostestest of sayings to all of you hegemoners and hegemonees out there (and you know who you are) that the world is a very, very, very small, almost microscopic, place these days and if you really, really, really don't want to live in peace you don't have to, in fact, I'm sending my AKC registered full blooded, very big and mean dog, Maxime-Alphonse LeDuc de Paris over to your place right now this minute to leave a nice big present on your doorstoop (and your mutt had better make the hidings under the bed because my dog is bigger and badder than your dog) and if you think his poop is like what you think yours is, then think again, since his does stink, big time, so there, and furthermore, my ancestors are better ancestors than your ancestors, my religion is better religion than your religion, my car is faster than your car (and gets better mileage), my beer is frothier than your beer, my recipe for valve oil is slicker than your recipe for valve oil, my Daddy can whoop your Daddy, my school is better than your school, my town is nicer than your town, my kid is smarter than your kid, my jockstrap is bigger than your jockstrap, I can play higher, louder and faster on the F side than you can play on the B side, I can play Hindemith on the natural horn and you can't, my Sansone is better than your Maxtone, my mouthpiece is wider and deeper than your mouthpiece, and get an 18 wheel truck load of this: I just hit the Powerball for 18 Zillion bucks and now I'm richer than Warren Buffet, George Soros and Bill Gates put together with Crazy Glue, so I am going to own all of you very soon, and be President to boot, and then, I am going to solve this problem, once and for all, and I'm telling you now that you are all the way wrong, wrong, wrong, putting all of these blamings on each other for the piss-poor state of cultural affairs these days, as you should be having nothings but blames for the true source of all the world's problems, conflicts, dilemmas, conundrums, complications, disturbances, conditions, worries, injustices, threats, mayhems, inhumanities, lack of cultured cultures, body odors, bad haircuts, stupidities and general ignorances: CANADA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Kerfufflings, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, "The Phantom Lane Changers" (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, "The Kopprasch Connection," "Kopprasch for Fun and Profit," "Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In?" "Hooked on Hornonics," "What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn?" and "The DaVinci Clam: Was Kopprasch God's Other Son?" Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, "The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory" Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Amborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes e-mail: yes web site: sort of "I regret that I have but Kopprasch No. 1 to give for my country."
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