Now, I am having the all-knowings that you are all having the merriestests and happiestests of holidays, expecially CLAMSAA and I "true to forms" am having my own so here is a new Clamthem for 2008 which is in the true spirits of our seasonings and I have no apologies whatsoever to Mr. A. Kozin so here it is: To the tune of "Hark, the Herald Angels Sing" HARK I HEAR THE FRENCH HORNS CLAM Hark, I hear the French horns clam, Turning music to flim flam. Other instruments are flawless, But the horns just make a mess. Missing every other note, Making this concert a joke. I, the critic must proclaim, In the paper, I’ll defame. The first horn plays like a schmuck, The French horn section really sucks. Every concert I attend, In New York or in South Bend. Violins are singing sweet, Flutes and oboes playing neat. The first trumpet plays too loud, But he gets praise from the crowd. Doesn’t miss a note or lick, Perfect like the guy with the stick. The first horn plays like a schmuck, The French horn section really sucks. I’m an expert, not a fool, I played flutaphone in school. Listened to a lot of records, All of them had won awards. So I know when horns are wrong, Making clams in every song. Ruining the concert much, I must report it as such, The first horn plays like a schmuck, The French horn section really sucks! Seasonings Greetonings from a Wintry Mixed Bad Corner, NH! Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, "The Phantom Lane Changers" (ret., bad knees) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, "The Kopprasch Connection," "Kopprasch for Fun and Profit," "Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In?" "Hooked on Hornonics," "What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn?" and "The DaVinci Clam: Was Kopprasch God's Other Son?" Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Clammers Anonymous (a twelve half step program) Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, "The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory" Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Anborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone, Val*Mart and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free **************One site keeps you connected to all your email: AOL Mail, Gmail, and Yahoo Mail. Try it now. (http://www.aol.com/?optin=new-dp&icid=aolcom40vanity&ncid=emlcntaolcom00000025) _______________________________________________ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
