I found this very interesting post on Horsecity.com... Trish
For a very long time, I have spoken of a special thing that it seems to me some horsepersons have- a "feeling". I guess one can have it in varying degrees, because I usually have it, but when I have been working a lot with a horse, I get more and more cerebral, and lose it..and have to take a day or two off to relax. When I come back I can find it again. I developed it a lot with the first guy I asked to teach me, because I watched his approach to horses and saw that he had it- and I wanted it to rub off on me. I struggle to put it into words, because I have found it hard to explain to someone else. Like when trying to teach a friend how to ride, and how to do that gentle sort of play with fingers , that is a give and take subtle "discussion" with the horse. It is exactly what you do on foot with the horse, and is the instinctual feeling that ends up giving you the immediate responses to movements- like I mentioned in another thread, when I bit the cheek of a horse that rudely put his head in my face. It sounds wierd, but the horse understood, he stayed out of my face, and he didn't seem inappropriately offended! In other words, I find it hard to describe because it just is something that the conscious mind doesn't control. It finally came to me today what it is! I actually came to it by thinking about the people I know who have it, and what they have in common, personality wise! It is mirroring. It is the natural tendancy to mirror others, that animals do, and we do too, especially as babies. If you retain this characteristic strongly, it does pose some problems in life- though it helps in horsemanship. The friends I know who have this thing are like me in that we are highly influencable on subtle levels. All of us stay out of social movements and trends, on the exterior being independant, but when faced physically with another, we soak up their traits and emotions. I start to pick up their accents and gestures within minutes, I get into their ideas and dreams, see things their way, feel things their way. I have found myself feeling strongly attracted to men, but when away from them realize I find them unattractive and not at all a person I would like to be with. It took me years to figure out that I was just feeling their attraction for me. When I was younger, and during the first years of my marriage, I simply kept myself away from the presence of other men unless accompanied by my husband because of this problem! The friends I am thinking of all have a problem with fidelity. The guy who first trained me is 40 years old and still single, and constantly jumping from one girlfriend to the next. He is always starting one relationship while still involved in another and claiming he feels terrible about it and can't help himself. It's amazing. Like many of the girls I know who have this, he has trouble saying no, and is known as the sweetest person around, ready to do anything he can to help others....and yet is totally unreliable, getting himself into situations he didn't realize he didn't want until after committing himself- so he has to make excuses and stuff to get out later. Anyway......I am just using him as an example. I have many of the same problems, though it kinda seems like my effort to overcome them has been more fruitful, probably just due to my admitting they ARE problems! (which these other people haven't). This guy also has kept to breaking horses- he seduces them, and then they go off to their owners- he has three horses of his own which he broke and never did work with again. Just like relationships with women, deepening and developing those relationships would require having to tame that sensitivity and learn to master it- I think that is what has helped me learn to harness in my own a bit better (be loyal to my husband, to myself, say no at times, have a different opinion, leave others their feelings for themself.....). I have one girlfriend with this same quality, who has made some good progress at dealing with it, though she just stays out of any relationships, and only rides in an arena -isolation is her present answer, as mine once was. It is this empathy, mirroring, that makes me step towards my horse without thinking almost at the same time she takes a step towards me, or my hand flies out in the direction of her nose if she has it fly out towards me, even if I am looking away and am not totally conscious she did it. It is the subtle play that happens when I release pressure on the reins as she releases pressure on the bit, and put it back on if she pushes it, all this within a two second period, and without my thinking about it. In less subtle ways it is the very quick reaction your body does towards a horse if it does such a threatening movement towards you- making the message clear to him way before he carries it any further. You just are doing as he does. I have met people that are very sensitive, and yet they do the opposite of mirroring- the horse steps towards them, they step away (tiny thing but often gets the base established of the relationship!) I wonder if telling such people to TRUST their bodies would help? That is the one thing that these people all have in common- we all have a certain belief that nature has reason and logic, that instinctual behavior is not evil or ignorant, but useful and can be relied upon in cases of need. We are all people that when lost in the forest, will put down our reins and just let the horse bring us home. I am high on Actifed, and another fun thread that touched on all these subjects in disconnected ways just brought them together in my head to help me gain a better understanding of that thing I keep calling the "feeling". Alone, it won't make anyone a great horseperson, there is no one key, but everyone has their own gifts to add to the circle of life, up to each of us to figure out what they are and find the best ways to share them with others. I get a lot from others that helps me with horses, I feel that things are better balanced when I cnan find a way to exchange the favor- even if it is aid one friend ! Do any of you know what I mean? I bet someone could put it in simpler terms than I am doing, and help me even more. I am sure many of you know what I mean. How would you help a person grasp that, if they haven't already?
