Hi Peter, Thanks for your detailed review. An updated version has just been submitted the includes fixes to your comments.
Thanks Magnus On 2012-12-26 12:05, Peter Yee wrote: > I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on > Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at > <http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq> > > Please wait for direction from your document shepherd or AD before posting a > new version of the draft. > > Document: draft-ietf-6man-udpchecksums-06 > Reviewer: Peter Yee > Review Date: Dec-25-2012 > IETF LC End Date: Dec-25-2012 > IESG Telechat date: Unknown > > Summary: This draft is basically ready for publication, but has nits that > should be fixed before publication. [Ready with nits.] > > This document provides an update to 2460 to allow the use of zero checksum > UDP packets over IPv6 in certain > cases involving protocols tunneled inside of UDP packets. > > Nits: > > General: a comma after "i.e." is preferred in American English. > > General: it is not necessary to hyphenate "misdelivered" or "misdelivery". > > General: put quotes around "Applicability Statement for the use of IPv6 UDP > Datagrams with Zero Checksums" > > Abstract, first sentence: "when" -> "where" > > Abstract, second sentence: "protocol" -> "protocols" > > Section 1, second paragraph, first sentence: delete the comma after > "packet". > > Section 1, fourth paragraph, first sentence: move the comma in "AMT," to > after the reference. > > Section 1, fourth paragraph, last sentence: insert "the" after "applicable > in". > > Section 3, second sentence: delete the first occurrence of "where". > Consider revising the sentence for clarity. > > Section 4, second sentence: "Section" -> "Sections" > > Section 4.1, it would be nice, but not necessary to have an enumeration of > the corruption modes. > > Section 4.1, third bullet item, first sentence: a verb is missing here > making the sentence difficult to parse. > > Section 4.1, third bullet item, first sentence: "packets" -> "packet" > > Section 4.1, third bullet item, third sub-bullet: put commas around "for > example". > > Section 4.2, first bullet item, last sentence: this sentence is hard to > understand; consider revising. (See next comment) > > Section 4.2, first bullet item, last sentence: "an" -> "a" and "are" -> > "is"; also not general comment about "misdelivered". > > Section 4.2, third bullet item, third sentence: "effect" -> "affect" > > Section 4.2, first paragraph after bullet items, first sentence: delete > "this". > > Section 4.2, first paragraph after bullet items, third sentence: > "mis-delievery" -> "misdelivery". > > Section 4.2, first paragraph after bullet items, third sentence: delete > "that". > > Section 4.3, first sentence: "middlebox devices" -> "middleboxes" unless > this a specific usage from I-D.ietf-6man-udpzero. > > Section 4.3, second sentence: "needs" -> "need" > > Section 5, first paragraph, second sentence: insert "in" after "node > requirements". > > Section 5, first paragraph of replacement text, second sentence: delete > "usage for", replace "some" with "certain", and replace second "protocols" > with "those". > > Section 5, last paragraph: delete first instance of "the". > > Section 6, first bullet item, first sentence: "corruptions" -> "corruption" > > Section 6, second bullet item, last sentence: change "This" to "UDP-Lite". > > Section 8, first sentence: delete redundant "required". > > -- Magnus Westerlund ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Multimedia Technologies, Ericsson Research EAB/TVM ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Ericsson AB | Phone +46 10 7148287 Färögatan 6 | Mobile +46 73 0949079 SE-164 80 Stockholm, Sweden| mailto: magnus.westerl...@ericsson.com ----------------------------------------------------------------------
