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Jokes of the day
Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at
the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all
traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents
of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the
windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and
a gun was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired, the engineers
stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the
shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control
console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in
the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow. The horrified
Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the
designs of the windshield and begged the US scientists for suggestions.
NASA responded with a one-line memo: "Defrost the chicken."
- Joke 2 - Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When
they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven.
Don't step on the ducks." So they enter heaven, and sure enough,
there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step
on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman
accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man
she ever saw. He chains them together and says: "Your punishment
for stepping on a duck is to spent eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck, and along
comes St. Peter. He chains her to another, even uglier man. The third
woman is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months
without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with
the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on. He chains them together
without saying a word. The woman remarks: "I wonder what I did to
deserve being chained to YOU for all of eternity?" To which the stunner
replies: "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
- Joke 3 - Pope John Paul dies of old age and finds himself at the Gates
of Heaven at 0300. He knocks on the gate and a very sleepy-eyed watchman
opens the gate and asks, "Wadda ya want?" "I'm the recently
deceased Pope and have done 63 years of Godly work and thought I should
check in here." The watchman checks his clipboard and says, "I
ain't got no orders for you here, just bring your stuff and we'll sort
this all out in the morning." They go to an old World War II-style
barracks, third floor, open bay. All the bottom racks are taken and all
empty lockers have no doors. The Pope stows his gear under a rack and
climbs into an upper bunk. The next morning he awakens to sounds of cheering
and clapping. He gets up and goes to a window and sees a flashy Jaguar
convertible parading down the clouds from the golden headquarters building.
The cloudwalks are lined with saints and angels cheering and tossing confetti.
In the back seat sits a an Army Sergeant Major, a cigar in his mouth,
a bottle of booze in one hand, his arm around a voluptuous blonde angel.
This disturbs the Pope and he runs downstairs to the Master-At-Arms shack
and says, "Hey, what gives? You put me, the Pope, with 63 years of
Godly deeds in an open bay barracks while this Sergeant Major, who must
have committed every sin known and unknown to man is staying in a mansion
on the hill and getting a hero's welcome. How can that be?" The Master-At-Arms
calmly looks up and says, "We get a Pope up here every 20 or 30 years,
but we've never had a Sergeant Major before!"
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