Hot News! The Assault of the Momo-Eaters and other Linux issues
New Delhi is under threat ! The latest outrage was committed by a group of Linux buffs in Dilli Haat on citizens enjoying a tranquil Sunday afternoon in the salubrious surrounds of Dilli Haat. The ILUGDites, as they call themselves, demolished every plate of Momos and Pav Bhaji and drank every cup of Coffee they came across - leaving an aghast citizenry open-jawed and hungry.
We spoke to Mr Khidki, from the MegaHard corporation who bitterly reproached the incident ,"We shall not allow these cyber terrorists from preventing peaceful companies from carrying out legitimate profitable business. They hound us everywhere with their viral licences. Now they trouble us in Dilli Haat also during our few authorised moments of peace ."
The Thana i/c Dilli Haat Goon Squad stated that the following were identified at the scene by witnesses :-
Self-styled Generallisimo Raju Mathur - wielding threats of an unknown Weapon of Mass Destruction - codenamed GnuPG.
Supython Sethi - Hissss.
Penguinhead Kaushal - The arch enemu of Windowsman.
Kishore 'Moneybags' Bhargava - the fiendish financer.
Tarun 'The Evil Secretary Bird' Dua
Jazzmeet UnWorthy
Xyberdip(aka Nagadeepan)
Ashish 'The Cyber Kid' Mukherjee
Vivek 'Logo Loony' Khurana
Anuj Sharma alias The Man from HCLPEROT
Sudev 'Still Threatening to Learn Linux!' Barar
Wee Wee Wiwek
Chief Big Pony Tail Chandra - How!
A Lolita named Sharma from the Great Beyond with sidekick Bob 'Who needs Mike?' Adkins
Rajesh Kumar (a very sinister and secretive character indeed - even the FBI worries about such people with perfectly normal names).
and of course Ashwin Baindur - the Fastest Mouth in the West of India
Well, there they all were. Had the Thought Police but known - they could have rounded them all up - except for one archenemy who stayed away from the Matrix - Linux Lingam.
The conspiracy began at a shady corner of the Dilli Haat auditorium - after Raju scared mooning couples away with a red pill! The gang true to form turned up in ones and twos to avoid detection. The early birds got sprained necks from watching out for beautiful birds - who could well have been planted by the cops to spy on the meet. Thoroughly disappointed at not finding this to be the case, they then sprained the other side of their necks trying to decide which of the Dilbert characters heading doggedly for the fence at the very end of Dilli Haat could possibly be the Highly Intelligent ILUGDites coming for the meet.
The first agenda item of the meeting was the forming of the Secret Terrorist Society. The President Designate Raju Mathur and Treasurer Designate Kishore asked for a Secretary Designate. The two contenders - Tarun and Vivek (not Wiwek) slugged it out till Tarun got his arm-twisted by the hoi polloi into accepting the job for a complete 12 months. He is to be aided, despite his wishes, by Vivek. To sidetrack Vivek from the glory that will be his as Founding Secretary, Vivek has been tasked with a miracle - to get three viable logos for the Holy Grail project of ILUGD - The Sacred Penguin Toga sometimes called a T-shirt. That should keep him busy, hee hee hee!
The second agenda point was who was to be given the plum post of being the convenor of the next meet. There being a very large number of aspirants, Ashwin clinched the deal by offering free beer to the Selection Committee. Jagmohan Dalmiya, watchout! So the next meet will be at Ashwin's. Since Fauji's can't count beyond five, the meet is going to be basically Gnubie oriented because they are about the only people Ashwin can impress with his NO-ledge of Linux. Anyway if there's beer - sab kuch chalta hai.
The third point that Raju had to make is that such 'do perl or die' issues can only be concluded when the pact is signed in blood! So he expects all the ILUGDites to donate blood for his favorite vampire - the Red Cross near Parliament next Sunday. More from him online later.
The meeting then decided on the nefarious activities to be undertaken.The first is for ILUGDites to strike at Linux Bangalore. After that organised mayhem at the LINUX Meet in Delhi next February. Ambition! Ambition!
It was after this point that things got out of hand. The people at the Honest and Fresh Coffee stand were threatened into turning over a large part of their premises for the orgy of momos and pav-bhaji that ensued - things began to get quite hot. The stand-owners were finally bribed into silence by ordering gallons of coffee. The last point to decide before leaving was to decide that the next meet will be a real 'bash'.
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