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Very nice story,
mashallah.
----- Original Message -----
From: umed mavlonov
Subject:Orthodox Christian Girl Explains her Conversion to
Islam: Orthodox Christian Girl Explains her Conversion to Islam: I was struck by the Quranic Verses on Jesus and the Virgin Mary What is the biggest tragedy in the world? Who suffered the most touching end on this earth? Believe it or not, in my opinion, it was Toltstoy who went through the biggest tragedy. What a touching one end it was, what a heart wrenching end. The few lines introducing him usually say: "Tolstoy's inner search and struggle to reach Allah lasted his entire life-span. He was not understood throughout his life. His wife and closest relatives are among those who did not understand him. This man, who felt a burning desire to search throughout his life, ran away at the age of 82 on a rainy night and fell ill. On October 7, 1910, in a modest railway station, he passed away just as he was about to take off for the first stop toward his destination, Istanbul. Where was he heading to, Sultanahmet or Eyupsultan? Was he running away from the void inside of him? Or was his quest to go and meet Rab in sujud (prostration) where the foreheads shine with the purest tawhid (belief in the unity of Allah).. O! What a touching end his was. They say, "Those who have not tasted wouldn't know," I alone know of this unfortunate genius. I was secretly baptized I was born to a father whose belief was not strong and a plain Orthodox mother in Ukraine. My father had secretly baptized me in a village church. I grew up with a belief in only one-God (monotheism) despite communism's prohibitions. I used to love Easter. I would try to fast the 40 days before Easter as much as I could. As a family, we used to wait for Maundy Thursday before Easter. "Who am I? What is my purpose? Where did I come from? These did not make sense to me back then. I only wanted to prepare for a good future by studying at a good university--that was all. Following my quite bright school years, I studied Management in English at the best university in the country. Life passed quite beautifully until I turned 20. At that point, I fell into a trap of tough questions. Thousands of questions flocked into my mind like so many grasshoppers. God, Jesus, humans, the world, life, death, paradise, hell, eternity, coincidence, nature…then absence, an eternal one. All these thoughts become a leech that sucked my brains out, but I could not find answers to them. I was feeling all alone in a dark room. Every time I made a great leap forward to get out, I would roll back into an infinite void. I was spiraling down. There was neither a light nor a branch to hold on to. Worst of all, I could not make my voice heard by any ears (if they had heard my screams, even the lions would have been badly frightened). No one around me understood me, so they could not help me. They kept saying: "You are pretty, successful. Why don't you just eat, drink and enjoy yourself? Do not put such pressure upon yourself." As if I did not want this. As if I was not trying everything, from mind games to uttering nonsense! , to rid myself of these thoughts that were taking all the pleasure from my life. No, I could not manage it; it was useless. Nothing that I tried went beyond a dressing on the wound. The moments when I managed not to think were the happiest moments. When those seconds passed, I was once again left with the void, the dark, and the coldest loneliness. I fluttered in the lap of this torment for exhausting days and sleepless nights for five years circling around hospitals and psychologists…but nothing. My only consolation throughout this whirlpool was the inspiration by my dear mummy. Both the grief and the joy were from God. I kept begging for him to save me during all these sleepless nights. Finally, I left the house believing that I would find the cure by going abroad, more accurately, I run away from the dark I had fallen into just like Tolstoy. The darkness was inside me I succeed to pass my master examination and headed to Austria-- a brand new country, a new environment, and new people…I thought the dark room would stay in Ukraine, but it did not. In addition, my dark room grew to cover all of Austria. Now, it dawns on me that the darkness was inside me. If I had headed for the sun, let alone Austria, I would not have been able to see a single light. What an awful and bizarre thing to be stuck in the dark even when you are exposed to the sun… I was spending my life in this mood, lonely in crowds, dark under the light. If one had said there was only individual who is fully experiencing loneliness on earth, I would have undoubtedly said it was me. Actually, I had some friends, but one remains alone among thousands if those friends are not nearby and if there is no shoulder to cry on during the difficult times no matter what the reason. Absolute loneliness. In this sense, I was completely alone. The days were passing by, but there was no o! ne near me, not a friend, not a phone call, not a letter. There was me and the void; there was me and the loneliness as well. Pray, my child >From the outside, I am seen as a successful student with a bright future. No one knew about the storms within me. I embraced books believing that I would go crazy if I did not find something to keep me up. I was reading Coelho, Tolstoy, and Turgenyev and memorizing Ahmotava's poems. Moreover, I was writing on my own and learning a foreign language…. I was very seriously reading the Bible; I was begging for God to strengthen my love for him and lead me to the right path. I enrolled on Orthodox web sites to share my loneliness; my printer was printing passages of the Bible non-stop. I was corresponding with a priest, and with the owner of a printing house that publishes religious works. In order to strengthen my knowledge, to find answers to the gnawing questions, and to escape from the loneliness that possessed me, I would enter chat rooms on these web sites and chat with people. However, the disgusting talk found online turned me off. I was attending churches and talking ! to priests with the intention of seeking answers to my gnawing questions. But they would politely avoid all my questions in general, but particularly the ones about God. "Pray my child," they would say. I was praying, not to Jesus but to God. And what I did not understand was why people were praying to Jesus and not God. The creator of both the world and Jesus was God. In that case, why was God the only one not being prayed to? I was at the station too I couldn't find what I was looking for in the Orthodox chat rooms or in the churches. And one day, I found myself at a station just like Tolstoy. I waited alone with the helplessness of not knowing how to escape from that dark room. As I was looking around the station uncounciously, I noticed a girl my age. She was wearing a white headscarf and a white suit and had a laptop on her shoulder. I sighed, "She is so lovely and elegant!" At that moment, she suddenly turned toward me and met my eyes. What an amazing brightness she had in her face…what an illumination in her eyes. She had the _expression_ of tranquility of a wise man that had solved all the enigmas in spite of her young age. She was calm and self-confident and had a down to earth posture; her eyes were full of love. And the lovely smile on her lips…I cannot describe it. I kept watching her with admiration. I would have gone over to meet her if I had not minded being embarrassed. I wanted to say, "For God's sake, gi! ve me some of your peaceful manner. And the shining in your eyes and the smile on your lips as well…please! Please! But a train came right then and took her away. I yearned to be look like her. Elegance in white-- that tranquility struck me. My new friends… My friends… After this girl with the headscarf set my soul on fire and then disappeared, I made a lot of friends through one of the university students who covered themselves like her. They invited me to a fast-breaking dinner (iftar) during the month of Ramadan. I was attracted to their firm faith in Allah and their sincere worship. Because I loved God very much. I did not feel like a stranger when I was with them. And that aside, I felt like I was getting closer to my beloved God when I was with them. They never kept me at a distance. They behaved like I was one of them. I was never exposed to even a single look of blame or shame because of my Christianity. This was true with both the Muslim ladies and Muslim men around me. We would sit together and chat. I never met any suggestions of "converting to Islam" in any of these talks. "This is what we do. What is it like for you?" was the key phrase of our conversations most of the time. They were not only telling me something, but also asking for significance of our fasting and the meaning of our prayers and icons. I too, was explaining as much as I could. I cannot express how peaceful I felt when I was with them…although there was still no light penetrating my room, it was OK, because I was not alone anymore. From now on I had friends. My new friends…My real friends. There cannot be more than one God Conversations with my new friends were opening brand new horizons before me. "All the roses in the world are similar. All the apples, bees, and people are the same. That is because they are the products of the same mill; they were woven at the same loom. In other words, their creator is the one and only. He is Allah and there is only one Allah, there cannot be many." I was accepting of all the things in Islamic teaching that argue about God, faith and the prophets. The Quranic verses about Jesus almost struck me. I was deeply impressed by the existence of a surah [a group of Quranic verses that forms a chapter] in the name of the Virgin Mary, because there was no surah for Mary even in the New Testament. And I was shocked when I learned that the Quran is the same in Turkey and as in Indonesia, and that these people can worship at the same time. "O Lord, illuminate my way!" In the 40 days before Easter when the days of fasting begin for Orthodox Christians, I, in all seriousness this time, started fasting. My intention was to prove to God how much I loved Him. I was praying all night long for Him to lead me to the right path. I was pondering over the things my new friends told me, I was striving to figure out if what they said could be true or not. My brain was transformed into an arena of thoughts. I was suffering greatly because I had not come to a conclusion. In this way, I was fasting, crying, and praying for Him to illuminate my way. Finally, I realized something very critical: One single Creator has created this universe. He created us, too. He furnished this world for us. He is our Lord. And it is our duty to find a way to reach Him. Yes, I had understood this, but which path goes to God? Is it the belief that I have devoted myself to up until today? or is it Islam? Alas, once again the pain, the tears, and once again, the anguish… anguish. One supplication followed another. My God, illuminate my way and lead me to the path you desire. I had almost accepted every teaching of Islam, but I was a Christian. I sometimes used to grumble, "Oh! God why did you not create me as a Muslim? One day, I asked this of a woman that I was chatting with on the internet. She replied by sending me a message. And like Abraham… and like Jesus and Ezra… and like Moses and Aaron… I read the message. I could not believe what I read. I read it once again, and again and again. I was overjoyed. Every molecule in my body was shivering with excitement. I wanted to shout at the top of my voice. After I took a stroll around my room, I sat down at the table again and read the message one more time. The message started with a saying by Mohammed (peace be upon him): "Every baby born is born by nature in Islam. Afterwards, they are taught to be Christian and Jewish by their parents." So, my reproach to God was in vain. That is to say, God had created me as a Muslim. The lady who sent this message to me wrote that she had seen the film "Passion" which explores the last 12 hours of Jesus Christ in accordance with the Holy Book and wrote:" The film's sound track was in Aramaic, the original language of Jesus Christ and Jesus in the movie was addressing God using the name "Allah" like the Muslims do… This is not the only similarity between Christianity and Islam.! I am sending the most important ones to you. Prayer: -"You must have seen how Muslims practice their prayer. We stand up and recite Quran. Afterwards, we bow our heads and put our palms on our knees and then we kneel down and prostrate. Listen to the Holy Book: Psalms 95:6: Come let us bow down in worship, Let us kneel before the LORD our Maker Numbers 16:20-22…But Moses and Aaron fell face down… Genesis 17:3: Abraham fell face down, and God said to him. Exodus 34:8: Moses bowed to the ground at once and worshiped. Nehemiah 8:6: Ezra praised the Lord, the great God; all the people lifted their hands and responded "Amen Amen!" then they bowed down and worshipped the Lord with their faces to the ground. Matthew 26:39: …he fell with his face to the ground …and prayed… Matthew 17:6:…disciples fell face down to the ground… Conclusion: Islam is not a religion that started with Mohammed (peace be upon him). Islam originated with Adam and continued with the major prophets Noah, Abraham, Moses, and Jesus and came to perfection with Mohammed (peace be upon him). Islam is not a new religion. On the contrary, it is Allah's first and last religion that is kept alive by the tradition of these prophets. As is said of the other prophets and the people in the Bible, who are the people that still clean themselves with water today in order to worship? Muslims! Who are the people whose still fall face down to the ground and lift their hands to pray? Muslims! Who are the women that cover themselves to worship and shield themselves from ill-intended looks? Muslim women! So who is following the other Prophets' paths and naturally practicing the unaltered sections of the Bible? Muslims! So if a Christian converts to Islam, he/she will not be renouncing his/her faith; on the contrary, he/she will be entering the circle of! servitude. After the dozens of Bible verses I mentioned above, I am ending my writing with a Quranic verse. "Our God and your God is one and we have submitted to Him as Muslims." I do not remember how many times I read this message. My heart was beating wildly with excitement. I could not contain my tears. I murmured the sentence from the bottom of my heart, "Our God and Your God is One." Yes, yes. "Our God and Your God is One." And from now on, I submit myself to Him as a Muslim. "Thank you, God…Thank you Go…Allah! Allah! Allah!" Bismillah, In the name of God… A gentle breeze began to blow in my withered heart after I converted to Islam. I did not want to waste even a moment. I practiced my first prayer at noon. I only knew to say bismillah. I lifted my hand to my shoulders and said "bismillah" like my real friends did. An indescribable state possessed me, tears poured down my face as soon as I covered my heart with my hands. I kept repeating with inexpressible emotions the one thing I knew. Bismillah…Bismillah…Bismillah… What a wonderful thing it was. As I said bismillah, I felt as thought I was climbing the spirals. After I kept still for a long time, I bowed on my knees. Bismillah… bismillah…bismillah…I stood straight again, bismillah. At last my parched lips had found water. I almost threw myself down in prostration like I had found a desert oasis, bismillah. Bismillah…bismillah… bismillah…Allah, Allah… Bismillah. It was you I was looking for all these years. It was you I was looking for on sleepless nights. Whatever else I said, whatever else I felt are impossible for me to express. The times that I could not talk or that I found the words to be inadequate were many. Above all, there was something beyond all the things that I felt that I wouldn't know how to communicate; I was feeling deep in my heart that Allah was pleased with me. Actually, I wrote all these sentences for nothing. The most beautiful thing to share all along, was the first practice of prayer performed just with bismillah--indescribable. And my room filled with light I grabbed books after the prayer described above. I read and read all night long. I was finding answers to my questions as I learned Islam and I felt that I was coming closer to Allah. Everything in relation to humans, life, the world, and the hereafter were settled. As my life found meaning, the sun shone over the mountains inside me. The walls of my dark room were shattered. The walls confining me and its depressive darkness were gone. Sun… Light. The light that came with Islam impressed me in such a way that I gave myself a second name: "Solnyechniy Luç" which means sunlight. I now think, if only I could be sunlight. If only I could shine on the world of people who continue to suffer in the quiet and seclusion of darkness. I have not yet told my family of my decision. I am waiting for the right moment for this. And I keep praying for them. I am doing my Masters in international business management. Meanwhile, I am working as a project manager for an American company. My dreams will be fulfilled when my family performs sujud in unison. Me, my mother, brother, and father... I fantasize that we fix our heads in prostration and utter bismillah bismillah. And I hope to experience the things that I felt deep in my heart during my first prayer one more time. I want to feel that my Rabb is smiling at me one more time. by Arina Svetlova Translation to Turkish: Ayjan Esenkanova, Gulseren Yukseleroglu Translation to English: ZAMAN This article has been published in one of ZAMAN's supplements for families, Ailem (My Family). 19.03.2005 Ailem (My Family) http://www.zaman.com/?bl=culture&hn=17626 *************************************************************************** {Invite (mankind, O Muhammad ) to the Way of your Lord (i.e. Islam) with wisdom (i.e. with the Divine Inspiration and the Qur'an) and fair preaching, and argue with them in a way that is better. Truly, your Lord knows best who has gone astray from His Path, and He is the Best Aware of those who are guided.} (Holy Quran-16:125) {And who is better in speech than he who [says: "My Lord is Allah (believes in His Oneness)," and then stands straight (acts upon His Order), and] invites (men) to Allah's (Islamic Monotheism), and does righteous deeds, and says: "I am one of the Muslims."} (Holy Quran-41:33) The prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "By Allah, if Allah guides one person by you, it is better for you than the best types of camels." [al-Bukhaaree, Muslim] The prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) also said, "Whoever calls to guidance will have a reward similar to the reward of the one who follows him, without the reward of either of them being lessened at all." [Muslim, Ahmad, Aboo Daawood, an-Nasaa'ee, at-Tirmidhee, Ibn Maajah] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- All views expressed herein belong to the individuals concerned and do not in any way reflect the official views of IslamCity unless sanctioned or approved otherwise. If your mailbox clogged with mails from IslamCity, you may wish to get a daily digest of emails by logging-on to http://www.yahoogroups.com to change your mail delivery settings or email the moderators at [EMAIL PROTECTED] with the title "change to daily digest". Yahoo! Groups Links
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