They are clothing for
you and you are clothing for them
| Sheikh Salman
al-Oadah|
Allah says: It is made lawful for you to have sexual relations with your wives on the on the night of the fasts. They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them [Sûrah al-Baqarah: 187] Allah chose to use the
word clothing rather than any other word to describe the special relationship
between a man and his wife. Allah made the man clothing for the woman and the
woman clothing for the man. The word clothing as used in this context is rich
with meaning. It would be quite difficult to express in words every subtlety
that it conveys. We shall try, however, to consider a few of the ideas that this
word expresses.
1. The word clothing
in its most literal sense is what immediately covers the body with no barrier in
between.
2. The word clothing
connotes the idea of equality, complementarity, and support of both a
psychological and physical nature. The man has his role and the woman has hers.
The woman cannot be construed as merely a vehicle to fulfill the mans desires.
She is a human being, equal to the man. Each of them is as clothing to the other
in every aspect of life.
3. Clothing implies
adornment and beautification. Allah says: Take your adornment to every mosque.
[Sûrah al-A`raf: 31] A man and woman are an adornment and beautification for
each other.
Ibn `Abbâs said:
Indeed, I like to dress up for a woman in the same way as I like it for a woman
to dress herself up for me. This is because Allah says: And they have upon you
similar rights to those you have upon them in good dealings. And I do not like
to exact from her every right to which I am entitled, since Allah says: and for
the man there is a degree over them. [Tafsîr al-Tabarî (1/625)]
Some of this beauty is
of a physical kind, for a person sees in the one he truly loves beauty that
others do not see.
Some of this beauty is
also of an intangible nature. Faithfulness and enduring friendship are a part of
faith, as the Prophet (peace be upon him) said.
A woman adorns herself
with her husband when she speaks about him to her friends. She can tend to
embellish her account, claiming that he loves her so much, honors her so much,
and gives her so much
even when the truth is far short of all
that.
4. Clothing conveys the
meaning of covering and concealment. Allah says: O children of Adam! We have
bestowed upon you clothing to conceal your shame and as an adornment. [Sûrah
al-A`râf: 26]
A husband and wife
screen each other from falling into sin by fulfilling one anothers needs in a
lawful manner.
Likewise, they conceal
from others their intimacy. They do not disclose to others the details of their
physical relationship nor the secrets that they share between them nor the
little problems that they have with each other. They do not allow the personal
life that they share together become the topic of public discourse.
5. Clothing implies
cleanliness and purity. This is why Allah commands us saying: And your
clothing, purify it. [Sûrah al-Mudaththir: 4]
This dispels the notion
that some people have that the marital relationship is somehow a dirty thing.
There are those who disdain even talking to any length about marriage and what
it entails in Islam, because of the bad feelings they have about the
topic.
Allah made the
institution of marriage the practice of the Prophets: Indeed we sent Prophets
before your time and provided for them wives and children. [Sûrah al-Ra`d:
38]
It was the way of
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). He said quite clearly to those of his
followers who wanted to become overly ascetic: By Allah! I am the most
God-fearing among you, and yet I both fast and break my fast; I both pray and
sleep; and I marry women. Whoever wishes for a way other than my way is not of
me. [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]
Clothing is something
clean and decent and it is nothing to be ashamed of.
6. Clothing is a sign
of wealth and self-sufficiency. In marriage, the husband and wife fulfill each
others needs. Allah says: And those who safeguard their private parts, except
from their wives and those whom their right hands possess. [Sûrah al-Muminûn:
5-6]
7. Clothing is a
pleasure and a delight. Indeed, Allah has made clothing one of the pleasures of
Paradise. He says: Their clothing therein shall be of silk [Sûrah Fâtir: 33]
And they shall wear therein green garments of fine silk and brocade. [Sûrah
al-Kahf: 31]
Marriage should indeed
be a garment of pleasure. It should bring pleasure to the body and to the soul.
It should bring about inner balance and alleviate tension and anxiety. Those who
are denied this often suffer from depression, worry, and emotional
instability.
8. Clothing provides
protection, shelter, and warmth. Allah says:
and He has made for you garments
that protect you from the heat and coats of mail that protect you in battle.
[Sûrah al-Nahl: 81]
Allah says about David
(peace be upon him): And we taught him the fashioning of suits of armor to
protect you in battle. [Sûrah al-Anbiyâ: 80]
The Prophet (peace be
upon him), after he bathed, used to sometimes warm himself with his wife
`Âishah. She relates to us: Sometimes the Prophet (peace be upon him) would
bathe after having intercourse and then come to me for warmth. I would hold him
to me without having had taken a bath. [Sunan al-Tirmidhî]
9. Clothing implies
peace and tranquility. Allah says: And we have made the night a clothing.
[Sûrah al-Naba: 10]
A husband and wife
should find in one another peace and tranquility.
This is why the Prophet
(peace be upon him) gave his first wife Khadîjah glad tidings of a house in
Paradise made of reeds wherein there would be no turmoil or discomfort.
Abû Hurayrah relates
the following:
Gabriel came to the
Prophet (peace be upon him) and said: O Messenger of Allah! Khadîjah is
bringing a vessel containing broth or food or drink. When she comes to you,
greet her with peace on behalf of my Lord and of myself and give her glad
tidings of a house in Paradise made of reeds wherein there would be no turmoil
or discomfort. [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]
Scholars have commented
that the reason she was given glad tidings of such a house in Paradise is that
her home on Earth was like that. It was not like most other homes wherein
shouting was commonplace and arguments were frequent and marital problems were
rife.
10. Clothing covers a
persons body, particularly the private areas. In the same way, a wife protects
her husband with herself and likewise protects his wealth and children. The
husband in turn protects his wife with himself and safeguards her secrets and
fulfills her needs.
Allah says: Righteous
women are devoutly obedient, guarding in their husbands absence what Allah
would have them guard. [Sûrah al-Nisâ: 34]
11. Clothing connotes
quality and goodness. Allah says: Good women are for good men and good men are
for good women. [Sûrah al-Nûr: 26]
12. Clothing conveys
the image of something directly touching the skin. It is an intimate bodily
contact without any barrier. When the husband and wife have intimate contact, it
is as if their bodies take the place of clothing. Symbolically, there is the
implication of close proximity and contact throughout their life
together.
13. Clothing needs to
be kept fresh and clean. It needs to be washed. Likewise the marital
relationship between a husband and wife must be refreshed and
reinvigorated.
14. Clothing is a
personal distinction. Each of us wears his or her own personal clothing. Ones
husband or wife has an even greater exclusivity. Allah says: And those who
safeguard their private parts, except from their wives and those whom their
right hands possess. [Sûrah al-Muminûn: 5-6]
15. Clothing provides
variety. Who among us would be content with only one suit of clothes? Likewise
the marital life should provide variety. This is why when the Prophet (peace be
upon him) was asked about the limits that Islam imposes upon a husband and wife
in their intimate relations, he made it clear that everything between a husband
and wife is permitted except for two things: anal sex and sex when the woman is
menstruating.
Even then, the Prophet
(peace be upon him) informed the husband and wife as to what they could do when
she is menstruating. He said: Engage in everything except sexual intercourse
itself. [Sahîh Muslim]
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