----- Original Message -----
Sent: Sunday, June 11, 2006 10:02
AM
Subject: Re: [IslamCity] l need advice
cos l dont want to forfeit all my good deeds for a man
Wa alaikum Assalaam
And even if has really changed, with the kind of relations he has
what is the guarantee that he will cut off all relations afterwards
and that you will be having a peacefull life. And what is
the guarantee that he will not get into more relations later.
Sister, this man is playing with your honor and your life. If indeed he
has changed, he wouldnt be messing with you but instead he would rush
to settle the matter with his first wife by divorcing her if she is
not convinced to be a muslim. Most importantly, he would also settle
with the second women by marrying her and taking the responsibility
of the child and and at the same time trying to convince the women to be a
muslim. If the women is not convinced, than he should divorce her and take the
full responsibility of the child. If the women agrees than he should take full
responsibility of the women and the child.
Since he has not done either and has not cleared himself from his
responsibilities, his actions are suspect and succumbing to him would be
suicidal. Tell him clearly to first settle himself with the two women and
most importantly the status of the child. Note that if indeed he has changed
and is not just fooling around, he would be most concerned with his child. No
true muslim would allow his child to be under the upbringing of a non muslim.
I hope you understand the seriousness of this point.
Please sister, with the kind of past he has there is no way that you
should trust him. To go by his word would indeed be foolish and you may ruin
your life. Beware, it may just be a trap. He may be acting in good faith just
to get a women.
Stop meeting him at once and tell him that you wouldnt meet him till
he settles fully with the first two women.
Till he has done this, I see no point in you to divulge the matter
to your father / brother or wali and doing a check on this
man. There is only one option and that is you have to cut off all
relations and forget this man.
If some times later he claims that he has settled with the two women
than find out what he has done with the child. If he has given
the responsibility of the child to a non muslim women, than there is no
way he can be trusted as he is ruining a whole progeny. This is a test which
says that the man is a fake. No muslim would do that. If he has left the
women and taken the responsibility of the child, than the next step would be
to mentally prepare yourself in staying with the child. If this is not a
problem, than tell your parents/ wali and a do a 200% thorough check on this
man verifying every aspect of his life. Only than can you think seriously of
marriage. Till this is done, do not destroy your life. Stop seeing and even
talking to him.
All this would be just too much for you, I suggest, Sister, do not fall
into this mess. Pray to Allah swt to grant you a religious husband and
with clean background. Insha Allah he will listen to you soon.
For the man, if indeed he has changed, Allah swt will work out a solution
for him. Stop worrying about him and worry about your life.
Simultaneoulsy you (must) please write to islam-qa.com
. The question session opens on 12th June at 07.00 hrs GMT for 24 hours only.
This site is run by shaikh Munajjid and he gives beautiful answers and is
easily the best site for such questions. There is already a library of
questions in the site which you can search.
Abu Maryam
[EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote:
salamu
alaykum,
the following story is a true life story that really need advice
so
that l wont go astray.my name is farida and am a moslem from a
moslem background.sometimes last year after ramadan l meet this
brother by name Taofik he came to me and said he likes me and he
wants to marry me we should just be praying for Allah to direct us .
so l took my time to study him cos we work in the same environment
and l always see him observe his praying regulary and l do see him
anytime l attend islamic lecture on sundays.not untill febuary this
year he came to me and said that each time he think about settle
down something keep runing in his mind saying am his wife so l asked
him if he is married? atleast have study him and am not getting
younger and l need to settle down with a good moslem that have the
fear of Allah and will love me for the sake of ALLAH and he said yes
his married so why do u want to marry another wife?he said he was in
the world when he got married to his wife so he didnt bother weather
she is a christian or not infact she is from a christian background
and they didnt get married in the mosque but after some years he now
realize he was not in the right part and started practicing his own
religion( lslam) again cos he is from a moslem background by then it
was late cos he try converting his wife but she is now deep in
christianity and to worsen the sitution they dont have any issue
till now so she is always in the church but he tried to stop her and
she is not ready to change and that is why he want to get married to
a moslem cos he does not want to make another mistake. cos his
mother was always advicing him to get married to a muslem untill she
passed out so after all this l told him that we should be praying
for allah direction and we are now very close infact planinng on how
to go and see my people but he told me somethings again that is
affecting me now cos is like am going to loose him and also l dont
want to be disobiedent to Allah subhana watahala. what he told me is
that he has a child in the uk with a christian woman but they are
not maried so he want me to get pregnant as soon as possible so
that
he can have what to use to convience his wife cos they are not
divorce
and also the woman that have his baby and we will now get
married in a
moslem and he will settle with me forever.
please advice me on what to
do and also what l will also tell him as
a piece of advice from my
fellow moslem brothers and sisters.cos l
believe there people out there
that have knowledge and we continue
to seek for from there that is why
am putting it in writing
ma
asalam
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{Invite
(mankind, O Muhammad ) to the Way of your Lord (i.e. Islam) with wisdom
(i.e. with the Divine Inspiration and the Qur'an) and fair preaching, and
argue with them in a way that is better. Truly, your Lord knows best who has
gone astray from His Path, and He is the Best Aware of those who are
guided.} (Holy Quran-16:125)
{And who is better in speech than he who
[says: "My Lord is Allah (believes in His Oneness)," and then stands
straight (acts upon His Order), and] invites (men) to Allah's (Islamic
Monotheism), and does righteous deeds, and says: "I am one of the Muslims."}
(Holy Quran-41:33)
The prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon
him) said: "By Allah, if Allah guides one person by you, it is better for
you than the best types of camels." [al-Bukhaaree, Muslim]
The
prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) also said, "Whoever calls
to guidance will have a reward similar to the reward of the one who follows
him, without the reward of either of them being lessened at all." [Muslim,
Ahmad, Aboo Daawood, an-Nasaa'ee, at-Tirmidhee, Ibn Maajah]
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