Coping with Personal ProblemsBy Sheikh Salman al-'Awdah Who does not have
problems?Problems are a part of life. If it were not for distance and
separation, people would never know the joy of meeting and reunion. If it were
not for poverty, people would not know wealth. And if it were not for sorrow,
people would not know joy.In this manner, Allah has permitted the world to be a
place of passage, where pleasure is accompanied by pain and laughter by tears,
a world where the degree and severity of suffering is commensurate to the
degree of happiness a person feels when that suffering goes away.Every home has
its problems, as does every office, corporation, and country. Every soul is
afflicted with its own inner problems. When a person knows that his own self
does not comply with what he wants from it and does not fulfill his
expectations, and that it often shames him and disappoints him unbearably, then
what can he possibly expect from others?What can he hope to expect from the
difficulties that arise from social interactions, whether they occur within a
family setting, or among neighbors, or between colleagues and business
partners, or with those who he meets on the road?In spite of all this, the
goodness, companionship, and human welfare that social interactions bring about
can never be attained by a person who lives in isolation. The evils brought
about by seclusion are far greater than the discomfort that comes from dealing
with others.How many people have tried to solve their problems by cutting off
their dealings with others and going into seclusion? They seek to treat their
ailments with something that is a sickness itself. They wind up longing to
return to the very circumstances that they had so much detested before.A woman
feels that she can not stand to live with her husband's behavior any more and
sees divorce as the only solution. Then when she gets what she wants, she feels
like she is going to die of loneliness and starts to think of a way to undo
what she had done.An employee feels he can not bear his job any longer so he
quits his job. After a while, though, he starts looking for people to intercede
on his behalf as he repeatedly tries to get his job back.This is why it is not
sensible to hastily resort to severing ties, thinking that this is going to get
to the root of the problem and make it just go away. This course of action can
possibly cause much more suffering than before.Specialists in problem
management have set down the following practical steps for dealing with one's
problems. These steps can be summarized as follows:Perceiving and recognizing
the problem.Defining the problem correctly.Research, examination, and fact
finding, with a focus on pinpointing causes.Setting down alternatives and
options, then evaluating them and weighing their pros and cons.Determining the
option that will provide the best solution to the problem.These steps can only
be put into practice by a person who can approach his problems with a calm,
level head. Reactions that are spontaneous and overemotional only serve to
cloud a person's judgment, making it seem that the only solution is to
completely divorce oneself from the source of the problem and with everything
that in any way relates to it.The problem could actually come from the deep
within a person's character or personal history and cannot be simply shrugged
off. It could also come from unavoidable circumstances outside of that person's
control. Often we besiege ourselves with problems and difficulties. This is not
to say that those problems are not real. They definitely are. But we often have
many good ways of getting around them. We do not have to dwell on them. We need
to seek the help of Allah and cling hard to the firm handhold that He provides,
repeating the words: "You alone we worship and You alone we beseech for
help."One of the supplications that the Prophets of old used to make goes as
follows: "O Allah! Yours is the praise. You are the one whose help we seek. You
are the one on whom we rely. Yours is the aid that we seek. There is no might
and no strength except with Allah, the High and Mighty."We can look at our
problems as they really are and strive to get rid of them or at least minimize
them, without letting them suffocate us or hold us back. Our problems must not
make us stop working and living productive lives. We can also defer some
problems that we cannot solve at the present time and wait for Allah, in whose
hands rest all affairs, to relieve us of themIt is related from Ibn Mas`ûd that
Allah's Messenger said: "The best form of worship is to wait for relief."
[Sunan al-Tirmidhî (3571), al-Bazzâr (Majma` al-Zawâ'id 10/147), and al-Bayhaqî
in Shu`ab al-Imân (7/204)] This narration, though, is weak. [1] At the same
time, there can be no doubt that expecting relief from Allah is a form of
worship, since it is part of being patient. This brings to our attention an
important yet often overlooked fact - that many problems can be solved, but not
by jumping ahead of things. They must be approached one step at a time. Haste
can lead to making our problems more deeply entrenched than they were before.
Sometimes the best solution is to postpone action and be patient until the
right opportunity comes along for a solution to be sought.Patience, then, is
necessary in all cases. Therefore, we have been encouraged - actually commanded
- to be patient. The word patience, in all of its morphological forms, comes in
the Qur'ân about 103 times. Without patience to beautify our deeds, our efforts
come to nothing. This is what `Umar meant when he said: "We found the best of
our lives in patience." [Al-Bukhârî (6104)]We can solve some problems with
Allah's help, and we can minimize others. As for those problems for which we
cannot find a solution, we can do our best to accommodate them. If a person
were to take a small square, no bigger than the palm of his hand, and place it
right in front of his eye, that small square would completely block his vision.
The same thing can be said of problems when we make them larger than they
actually are and give over to them a good share of our lives, thoughts, and
feelings so they become a serious impediment to our moving forward and living
productively. The classical Arabian poet Mutanabbih writes:The eye of a small
person makes small things look largeAnd the eye of a great person makes great
calamities look small.AndWhen a man grows accustomed to dwelling in the fear of
deathIts arrival becomes the easiest possible event.Without the least doubt, a
person is going to face difficulties from his family, sometimes because they
are worried about him, and sometimes because they are angry with him for
violating their norms and customs, and sometimes because they love him, as love
can bring about its own stresses.He is going to face difficulties from society,
from his school or university, from his job, and from the people he chooses to
interact with.Moreover, he is going to have to deal with difficulties emanating
from within himself. Within him will be tendencies pulling him to do good and
others pulling him to do evil. It will be as if his own inner condition is
saying to him: "Why is it that I call you to salvation, yet you call me to the
Fire?"At the same time, this person, by way of supplication, devotion in
prayer, and humility, will find Allah's help and support, and Allah will bless
him the strength of will that he needs. He will also find help and support from
his believing brethren who follow the same path.Even when a problem springs
from the inner depths of our being, we still must not let it bring us down. We
must start afresh, take an assessment of our injuries, and bring our scattered
wishes together. Then we must keep our eyes on the future instead of always
looking back.Is not Allah the one who is Oft Forgiving and accepts our
repentance? Are not we human beings all prone to error? Our hearts can be
cleansed with the knowledge that Allah is forgiving and by keeping hope before
us. We must leave our vanities and base passions aside so they will not kill
our souls. A believer takes refuge in his Lord and keeps the company of people
who will help him overcome the obstacles along the way and help him to
strengthen his resolve and his commitment. If he pulls himself up every time he
stumbles, he will surely
arrive.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Footnotes:1.
It is related by al-Bazzâr from Anas with a weak chain of transmission that
contains an unknown narrator. Ibn al-Jawzî in al-`Ilal (2/864) and al-Fayd
(2/44) declares the narration to be
unauthentic________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Supplications for Sadness/Anxiety/Depressionاللّهُمَّ إِنِّي عَبْدُكَ ابْنُ
عَبْدِكَ ابْنُ أَمَتِكَ نَاصِيَتِي بِيَدِكَ، مَاضٍ فِيَّحُكْمُكَ، عَدْلٌ فِيَّ
قَضَاؤكَ أَسْأَلُكَ بِكُلِّ اسْمٍ هُوَ لَكَ سَمَّيْتَ بِهِ نَفْسَكَأِوْ
أَنْزَلْتَهُ فِي آِتَابِكَ، أَوْ عَلَّمْتَهُ أَحَداً مِنْ خَلْقِكَ أَوِ
اسْتَأْثَرْتَ بِهِفِي عِلْمِ الغَيْبِ عِنْدَكَ أَنْ تَجْعَلَ القُرْآنَ رَبِيعَ
قَلْبِي، وَنورَصَدْرِي وجَلَاءَ حُزْنِي وذَهَابَ هَمِّي.Allaa humma in nee
'abduk, ibnu 'abdik, ibnu amatik, naa siya tee biyadik, maa din fiyya hukmuk,
'adlun fiyya qadaa uk, as-aluka bikul lismin huwa lak, sam mayta bihi nafsak,
aw anzal tahu fee kitabik, aw 'al lamtahu 'ahadan min khal qik, awis ta tharta
bihi fee 'ilmil-ghaybi 'indak, an taj 'alal-Qur aana rabeea' qalbee, wa noora
sad ree, wa jalaa a huznee wa tha haaba hammee.‘O Allah, I am Your servant, son
of Your servant, son of Your maidservant, my forelock is in Your hand (i.e. You
have total mastery over), Your command over me is forever executed and Your
decree over me is just. I ask You by every name belonging to You which You
named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your
creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that
You make the Quraan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a
departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety.’
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------اللّهُمَّ
إِنِّي أَعْوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الهَمِّ وَ الْحُزْنِ، والعًجْزِ والكَسَلِ
والبُخْلِوالجُبْنِ، وضَلْعِ الدَّيْنِ وغَلَبَةِ الرِّجال.Allaa humma in nee a
'oothu bika minal hammi wal huzn, wal 'ajzi wal kasal, wal bukh li wal jubn, wa
dal 'id-daay ni wa ghalab atir rijaal.‘O Allah, I take refuge in You from
anxiety and sorrow, weakness and laziness, miserliness and cowardice, the
burden of debts and from being over powered by men.’
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Supplication for one in distressلَا إلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ الْعَظيمُ الْحَلِيمْ،
لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ رَبُّ العَرْشِ العَظِيمِ، لَاإِلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهْ
رَبُّ السَّمَوّاتِ ورّبُّ الأَرْضِ ورَبُّ العَرْشِ الكَريم .Laa ilaa ha il
lal-laahul-'athee mul-haleem, laa ilaa ha il lal laahu rab bul 'arshil 'atheem,
laa ilaa ha il laal-laahu rab bus samaa waati wa rab bul ardi wa rab bul
'arshil-kareem.‘None has the right to be worshipped except Allah Forbearing.
None has the right to be worshipped except Allah, Lord of the magnificent
throne. None has the right to be worshipped except Allah, Lord of the heavens,
Lord of the Earth and Lord of the noble throne.'
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------اللّهُمَّ
رَحْمَتَكَ أَرْجوفَلا تَكِلني إِلى نَفْسي طَرْفَةَ عَيْن، وَأَصْلِحْلي شَأْني
آُلَّه لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا أنْت.Al laa humma ra'h ma taka arjoo, fa laa ta kilnee
i laa naf see tar fata 'ayn, wa aslih' lee sha nee kullah, laa i laa ha il laa
ant. ‘O Allah, it is Your mercy that I hope for, so do not leave me in charge
of my affairs even for a blink of an eye and rectify for me all of my affairs.
None has the right to be worshipped except You.’
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------لَا
إِلَهَ إِلَّا أنْت سُبْحانَكَ إِنِّي آُنْتُ مِنَ الظّالِمين.Laa i laa ha il
laa anta sub h'anaka in nee kuntu minath-thalimeen.‘None has the right to be
worshipped except You. How perfect You are, verily I was among the
wrong-doers.’-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------اللهُ
اللهُ رَبِّ لا أُشْرِكُ بِهِ شَيْئاً.Allaa hu Allaa hu rab bi la ushriku bi hi
shay a. ‘Allah, Allah is my Lord, I do not associate anything with Him.’
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Supplication
for one afflicted by a calamityإِنّا للهِ وَإِنَا إِلَيْهِ راجِعون ، اللهُمِّ
اْجُرْني في مُصيبَتي، وَاخْلُفْلي خَيْراً مِنْها.In naa lil laa hi wa-in naa
ilay hi raa ji 'oon, allaa hum ma jur nee fee mu see ba tee wakh luf lee
khayran min haa. ‘To Allah we belong and unto Him is our return’s Allah,
recompense me for my affliction and replace it for me with something better.’
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