Good Manners at Home
Muhammad Saalih al-Munajjid
Article ID: 767 | 38 Reads
Spreading kindness in the home
'Aa'ishah (RA) said: "The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said:
'When Allah (SWT) wills some good towards the people of a household, He
introduces kindness among them.'" (Reported by Imaam Ahmad in al-Musnad,6 /71;
Saheeh al-Jaami',303 )
According to another report:
"When Allah loves the people of a household, He introduces kindness among
them." (Reported by Ibn Abi al-Dunya and others; Saheeh al-Jaami', no.1704 )
In other words, they start to be kind to one another. This is one of the means
of attaining happiness in the home, for kindness is very beneficial between the
spouses, and with the children, and brings results that cannot be achieved
through harshness, as the Prophet (SAW) said:
"Allah loves kindness and rewards it in such a way that He does not reward for
harshness or for anything else." (Reported by Muslim, Kitaab al-Birr
wa'l-Sillah wa'l-Aadaab, no.2592 )
Helping one's wife with the housework
Many men think that housework is beneath them, and some of them think that it
will undermine their status and position if they help their wives with this
work.
The Messenger of Allah (SAW), however, used to "sew his own clothes, mend his
own shoes and do whatever other work men do in their homes." (Reported by Imaam
Ahmad in al-Musnad,6 /121; Saheeh al-Jaami',4927 ).
This was said by his wife 'Aa'ishah (RA), when she was asked about what the
Messenger of Allah (SAW) used to do in his house; her response described what
she herself had seen. According to another report, she said:
"He was like any other human being: he would clean his clothes, milk his ewe
and serve himself." (Reported by Imaam Ahmad in al-Musnad,6 /256; al-Silsilat
al-Saheehah,671 )
She (RA) was also asked about what the Messenger of Allah (SAW) used to do in
his house, and she said,
"He used to serve his family, then when the time for prayer came, he would go
out to pray." (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath,2 /162).
If we were to do likewise nowadays, we would achieve three things:
* We would be following the example of the Prophet (SAW).
* We would be helping our wives.
* We would feel more humble, not arrogant.
Some men demand food instantly from their wives, when the pot is on the stove
and the baby is screaming to be fed; they do not pick up the child or wait a
little while for the food. Let these Hadith be a reminder and a lesson.
Being affectionate towards and joking with the members of the family
Showing affection towards one's wife and children is one of the things that
lead to creating an atmosphere of happiness and friendliness in the home. Thus
the Messenger of Allah (SAW) advised Jabir (RA) to marry a virgin, saying,
"Why did you not marry a virgin, so you could play with her and she could play
with you, and you could make her laugh and she could make you laugh?" (The
hadeeth is reported in a number of places in the Saheehayn, such as
al-Bukhaari, al-Fath,9 /121)
The Prophet (SAW) also said:
"Everything in which Allah's name is not mentioned is idleness and play, except
for four things: a man playing with his wife." (Reported by al-Nisaa'i in
'Ushrat al-Nisa', p.87 ; also in Saheeh al-Jaami')
The Prophet (SAW) used to treat his wife 'Aa'ishah (RA) affectionately when
doing ghusl with her, as she (RA) said:
"The Messenger of Allah and I used to do ghusl together from one vessel, and he
would pretend to take all the water so that I would say, 'Leave some for me,
leave some for me,'" - and both of them were in a state of janaabah (impurity).
(Muslim bi Sharh al-Nawawi,4 /6).
The ways in which the Prophet (SAW) showed affection towards young children are
too famous to need mentioning. He often used to show his affection towards
Hasan and Husayn, as mentioned above. This is probably one of the reason why
the children used to rejoice when he came back from travelling; they would rush
to welcome him, as reported in the saheeh hadith:
"Whenever he came back from a journey, the children of his household would be
taken out to meet him." He (SAW) used to hug them close to him, as 'Abd-Allah
ibn Jafar (RA) said:
"Whenever the Prophet (SAW) came back from a journey, we would be taken out to
meet him. One day we met him, Hasan, Husayn and I. He carried one of us in
front of him, and another on his back, until we entered Madeenah." (Saheeh
Muslim,4 /1885-2772; see the commentary in Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi,8 /56).
Compare this with the situation in some miserable homes where there are no
truthful jokes [i.e., jokes that do not involve lying], no affection and no
mercy. Whoever thinks that kissing his children goes against the dignity of
fatherhood should read the following hadeeth: from Abu Hurayrah (RA) who said:
"The Messenger of Allah (SAW) kissed al-Hasan ibn 'Ali, and al-Aqra' ibn Haabis
al-Tameemi was sitting with him. Al-Aqra' said: 'I have ten children and I have
never kissed any one of them.' The Messenger of Allah (SAW) looked at him and
said:
'The one who does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.'"
