Marriage in the West and Islamic law: Which Is helpful for young girls
and boys ?
Shah Abdul Hannan
On the above subject I had discussion with some people who know
this issue well.. In conversation with them, it came out that western
girls are in serious dis-advantage compared to Muslim girls in the
Muslim countries in the matter of selection of spouses.. In most cases
this responsibility of marriage of children is not taken by parents or
senior relations by culture that has developed there in the West over a
hundred years. It was not so before, it is a development in the
twentieth century.The dating system has thrown the girls in serious
dis-advantage. Without any hope of stable relation,in dating usually
the boys want to physically exploit the girls and in emotional
circumstances and in most cases she has to succumb( if she has to find
a husband), it is the boys who are mostly responsible for this
pre-marital adultery .This goes on and on till a partner is found. It
makes girls a commodity of sort which is so de- meaning for the girls
and the community, whether they realize it or not. Further, even after
marriage in such conditions, the promiscuous behavior remains ingrained.
Only marriage arranged by parents or relations with consent of the girl
or boy is the solution as has been prescribed by Islam I It has given
the seniors in the family, particularly the parents, to try to find out
proper partner for the boy/girl (Sura Nur, verse 32 ) though there is
no problem if the boy or girl choose their partner in the course of
normal social interaction and suggest parents their choice and the
parents accept their choice unless it is too bad and injurious for the
girl or boy or family
A senior woman Islamic scholar pointed out to me that in Muslim
societies now a days, more and more boys and girls are making efforts to
choose their own partners. However, after they decide that they want to
get married, they place that proposal to
their parents. Marriage takes place after the parents give consent.
So the marriage is actually taking place with the consent of the
parents.. She thinks Islam has no problem with that as long as the
boy/girl maintain Islamic etiquette. In few cases, the parents do not
give
Consent and that's when the problem arises. In these cases, both side
Should talk openly and try to reach a consensus. She thinks it
beneficial for the future partners to talk/discuss before they get
married to make sure they are compatible to each other. There is no
Islamic prohibition to having discussion with potential life partner
before marriage. Especially this is very important for socially active
Muslim women as most of the time they find them in a marriage where the
husband is not co-operative to their Islamic work. The husband can be
very pious but not open enough towards Islamic work.
I feel she is right in some cases in advanced Muslim societies but not
in most cases.
I have no disagreement in essence with her .Only point is that the
present western system is seriously demeaning and disgraceful for girls,
it makes them a commodity. We should not do anything which will in
effect destroy Islam's wise and harm-free system which is helpful in
better selection, protection from emotion, protection from lust and
harmony in the family .Clearly in Islam it has been made incumbent on
guardians and /or parents to find out their life partner. This is very
important. Of course, the Prophet has encouraged boys and girls to see
their future life-partner and this should be done in an appropriate
Islamic manner.The basic issues in this matter are consent of the boy
and the girl, consent of the parents/guardians and avoid anything which
leads to adultery and promiscuity.( any one can see the Islamic
Teaching Course by Dr.Jamal Badawi , G-- series )
I strongly feel that If the West has to get rid of promiscuous
relations, restoration of sanctity of marriage, restoration of fidelity
and confidence in family and husband-wife relationship, they will have
to give up the present dis-honorable dating system and go back to their
own Christian/ Jewish values or adopt Islamic teachings in this regard
This is a subject we should continuously pursue to save the West and
the world from the debauchery , promiscuousness and indignity the
society faces, particularly the girls We have to relentlessly write and
mobilize to save all from this scourge.
17.2.09
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