> > First, no one is a grown up
>
> What does this mean? It seems to mean that no one is an adult. That's
> absurd, so it must mean something else. I just don't know what.
Explaining this is less than straightforward, but I'll make it as
short as possible. In this context (Crystal's comments):
> You know...I thought this was a grown up group, and that none of us were into
> adolescent flaming.
"grown up" means one who behaves with proper ethical conduct, but more
importantly, it implies that ethical conduct is learned through
experience-- hence the older you are, the "wiser" you will be and
hence you'll know how to behave with proper conduct. Thus, older
people are always more "grown up" than younger people. This is FALSE.
To say, "us grownups" mean nothing. A 7 year old child can have
as much wisdom as a 30 year old man.
Wisdom is acquired through a change in consciousness, not learned
through experience. A fool who is 15 years old today will still be a
fool tomorrow, and 10 years from now when he's 25. He'll discover new
ways of saying stupid things, but he is what he is and he'll not
change.
Let me show you an example by revisiting what Crystal says:
> You know...I thought this was a grown up group, and that none of us were into
> adolescent flaming.
She says this because she's annoyed, but more than that, she places
herself with the grownups in an attempt to take the moral high road.
Hence, she means "none of us grown ups" versus "you immature kids"
(myself and Anne, presumably).
Her comments are no different than a 10 year old girl at a playground
bickering with her friends. For that matter, they are no different
than the barkings of a DOG when you annoy it by poking it with a
stick. The only difference is that a dog goes WOOF, while Crystal
uses a complex sentence pattern and vocabulary. When all is said and
done, it amounts to the same thing: she says what she says for no
other reason other than to gratify her annoyance (a primitive
emotional response, just like a dog), but unlike a dog, she implies a
moral superiority by placing herself with the "grown ups" -- something
that a dog cannot do.
I did NOT find Anne's comments insulting at all, but I found Crystal's
comments very insulting, and if she believes that she possesses a
moral superiority (a grown up), she'd better think again.
Now read what Anne said to me:
> And your answer just show how ignorant you are. Before making a judgment on
>a complete culture, you should at least KNOW what you are talking about...
If you find Anne's comments inflammatory ("flaming"), it's because
you're only looking at her words, not her actions. While her words
seem inflamatory, her actions are benign and good-natured. What did
she do? She expressed her opinion in the most direct and honest way,
which I appreciate. If someone calls you ignorant, and you have no
ability to self-reflect and look into a mirror without anger, this
makes you an intolerant person. Intolerance is one of the roots for
hate. Therefore, Anne's comments to me are no more insulting than
"Have a good day," because I have no problems with someone being
honest with their thoughts.
While Crystal's words seem benign, her actions are FAR from benign; in
fact it's full of malice. What did she do? She expressed her
opinion in the most insulting way: 1) Her words serve primarily to
gratify her annoyance, not for my benefit or others 2) she elevates
herself as one having a superior ethic, and in doing so, she implies
that I have no such comparable ethics.
Crystal goes on further:
> It just makes me ill to see a group that I've been subscribed in for so long get
> throughly trashed by newbies who have issues.
Here, she attempts to be a champion for the group. It makes her ill
to see the group gets trashed. In making such a statement, she
associates herself with the silent members of the group and
surreptitiously complements them. Implicitly, she's saying to the
members, "you're all good, grownup people, unlike these newbies who
are behaving like children."
Finally,
> Go back to talking about things pertaining to Japanese or go the hell away.
This is a final blow. An exclamation at the end of a sentence, the
icing on the cake, et cetera. Perhaps another subliminal way of
trying to get the silent members to speak up and take her side. :)
In summary, Crystal's comments are one of the most selfish,
self-aggrandizing, and insulting words I have ever heard. It is
spoken without honor, and as such, shows that she possesses none.
She's also a hypocrite, but sadly she doesn't know this, because she
doesn't realize what she's doing. (this reminds me of the Christian
quote, "forgive them, for they know not what they've done," but I
digress).
Therefore, Crystal is not a grown up as she thought she was. To sum
up your question, there are no grown ups, because wisdom doesn't come
with age (Crystal is living proof). Wisdom comes with an
understanding of life and a growth in consciousness.
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