From: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> BELIEVING WIFE & ABUSIVE BELIEVING/UNBELIEVING HUSBAND To "Clarissa" from R Tyler oldservant8 --Jabez1Chr4 -- Elkanah
Dear Clarissa [Names etc changed for privacy, You wrote ---- and I respond at /// Please think and pray about it. In a message dated 6/30/04 5:36:55 AM, [EMAIL PROTECTED] writes: Clarissa: << Dear Brothers and Sisters, I need your prayers. I need Jesus. SNIP My husband drinks every night now and he thinks that it's okay to "play" with a person when drinking ex. pulling hair, etc.); Now got mad when I discussed this with him and it took a lot of courage because I take a lot of abuse from him.>>> ///When a husband is abusive, threatening and hurtful to his wife and children, should she stay and take it? Can she leave him for the safety of herself and her children? ***Mat 10:23* Whenever they persecute you in one town, escape to the next; . . . WEY ***1 Co 7: 10 Â But to the married I enjoin, not *I*, but the Lord, A wife should not be separated from husband; 11 (but if also she shall have been separated, she should remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband;) . . . . . ///The wife has the option of leaving her husband and remaining celibately separated from him. If during that separation, and her husband is found to be an unbeliever of Jesus, when he no longer wants to dwell with her and rejects, abandons, repudiates her and the marriage, then she is free of him and free to divorce him and remarry. ***1 Cor. 7:13* And the woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is pleased to be dwelling with her, she should not leave/divorce/ abandon/ repudiate him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is set apart for God by the wife, . . . . ; else your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbelieving one separates/departs, he/she should separate/depart. A brother or a sister is not [maritally] bound in such [cases], but God has called us in peace. 16 For what do you know, O wife, whether you shall save [your] husband? ***Mt. 10:23 But when they persecute you in this city, flee to the other; . . . . ///When your husband persecutes you in one city, flee to another. ***Joh 11:53 From that day therefore they took counsel that they might kill him. 54 Jesus therefore walked no longer openly among the Jews, but went away thence into the country near the desert, to a city called Ephraim, and there he sojourned with the disciples. ***Mt 2:13 Now, they having departed, behold, an angel of the Lord appears in a dream to Joseph, saying, Arise, take to thee the little child and his mother, and flee into Egypt, and be there until I shall tell thee; for Herod will seek the little child to destroy it. ///When you learn that your mate is intent on doing grave harm to you, take your children and flee to another county, state or country if you have to in order to be safe. ***Mt 12: 14 Â But the Pharisees, having gone out, took counsel against him, how they might destroy him. 15 But Jesus knowing it, withdrew thence, and great crowds followed him; and he healed them all: ***Ac 14: 5 And when an assault was making, both of those of the nations and the Jews with their rulers, to use them ill and stone them, 6 they, being aware of it, fled to the cities of Lycaonia, Lystra and Derbe, and the surrounding country, 7 and there they were announcing the glad tidings. ///When you learn that your mate is intent on doing grave harm to you, flee from him and find another place to serve God. ***Joh 7:1 And after these things Jesus walked in Galilee, for he would not walk in Judaea, because the Jews sought to kill him. ///When you know that you mate seeks to do you harm, do not live or walk where he lives. ***Ac 9:24 But their plot became known to Saul. And they watched also the gates both day and night, that they might kill him; 25 but the disciples took him by night and let him down through the wall, lowering him in a basket. ///When you know that you mate seeks to do you harm, flee to the Jesus believers and let them escape from your evil mate. ***Luke 6:27 Â But I say to you who hear: Love your [mates who have made themselves your] enemies, . . . ///What does that mean? That means being patient and kind with your mate, showing that love with neither envy nor jealousy, without being forward and self-assertive, boastful or conceited. She does not behave unbecomingly, nor seek to aggrandize herself, nor blaze out in passionate anger at her mate, nor brood over wrongs done to her by her mate. She finds no pleasure in any injustice done to her mate, but joyfully sides with the truth when she can. She knows how to be silent, calm and peaceful. She is full of trust in Jesus, full of hope in Jesus, full of patient endurance because of Jesus. ***Luke 6:27 . . . do good to those [mates] who hate you, 28 bless those [mates] who curse you, and pray for those [mates] who despitefully use you. 29 And to him/her who strikes you on the [one] cheek, also offer the other. . . . ///If you mate call himself/herself a believer and he/she curses you, despitefully uses you and/or hits you, you are under command to separate from your mate, not even to eat with such a mate. ***1 Cor 5:9 Â I have written to you in the epistle not to mix with fornicators; . . . 11* But now I have written to you, if any one called brother be fornicator, or avaricious, or idolater, or abusive, or a drunkard, or rapacious, not to mix with him; with such a one not even to eat. ///In the meantime, while separated, what are you supposed to do? ***2Tim 2:24* and a bondservant of the Lord must not quarrel, but must be inoffensive towards all men, a skilful teacher, and patient under wrongs. 25 He must speak in a gentle tone when correcting the errors of opponents, in the hope that God will at last give them repentance, for them to come to a full knowledge of the truth 26 and recover sober-mindedness and freedom from the Devilâs snare, though they are now entrapped by him to do his will. ***MT 18:15* Â âIf your brother acts wrongly towards you, go and point out his fault to him when only you and he are there. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not listen to you, go again, and ask one or two to go with you, that every word spoken may be attested by two or three witnesses. ///If none of this works, then you do--- ***Mt 18:17 If he refuses to hear them, appeal to the Church; and if he refuses to hear even the Church, regard him just as you regard a Gentile or a tax-gatherer. ******1Cor 5: 3 For I myself, though absent in body, have been present with you in spirit, and in the name of our Lord Jesus I have already passed judgement, just as if I had been present, upon the man who has acted in this way. 4 I have decided-having been present in spirit at your meetings, when the power of the Lord Jesus was with us- 5 To deliver such a man as this over to Satan, that what is sensual in him may be destroyed, so that his spirit may be saved at the Day of the Lord. 6 Your boasting is unseemly. Do not you know that even a little leaven leavens all the dough? ///If you can't escape/flee, call on Jesus for deliverance and commit yourself to His keeping, and . . . Luke 6:29 And to him/her who strikes you on the [one] cheek, also offer the other. And to him/her who takes away your garment, do not forbid your tunic also. 30 Give to everyone who asks of you [including your mate], . . . ///In a message Georgina writes: G: >Hello Ron >He was very very abusive and a drug addict. I have been told by many ministers >and people of God that I needed to leave him. ///There is no question about the correctness of leaving him. ***1 COR 5: 9 Â I wrote to you in that letter that you were not to associate with fornicators; 10 not that in this world you are to keep wholly aloof from such as they, any more than from people who are avaricious and greedy of gain, or from worshippers of idols. For that would mean that you would be compelled to go out of the world altogether. 11* But what I meant was that you were not to associate with any one bearing the name of âbrother,â if he was addicted to fornication or avarice or idol-worship or abusive language or hard-drinking or greed of gain. With such a man you ought not even to eat. *** 2Th3:6* Â We urge you, Brothers, in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, to avoid any Brother who is living an ill-ordered life, which is not in agreement with the teaching that you received from us. . . . . . 13 You, Brothers, must not grow weary of doing what is right. 14* If any one disregards what we have said in this letter, mark that man and avoid his company, that he may feel ashamed. 15 Yet do not think of him as an enemy, but caution him as you would a Brother. ///So leaving and separating yourself from an abusive man is not the problem. The problem is, "What is my relationship now with this man I have left/divorced?" If the abusive man was genuinely saved but tragically snared in sin, then the situation is as follows with the wife still maritally bound to the man in the Kingdom of God and so unable to marry another: 1Cor 7: 10 Â But to the married I enjoin, not *I*, but the Lord, The wife should not be separated from husband; 11 (but if also she shall have been separated, she should remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband;) and A HUSBAND SHOULD NOT LEAVE A WIFE. 10* Â To those who are married my direction is-yet it is not mine, but the Masterâs-that a woman is not to leave her husband 11 (If she has done so, let her remain as she is, or else be reconciled to her husband) and also that a man is not to divorce his wife. TCNT /// If the abusive man was not genuinely saved , then the situation is as follows with the wife still maritally bound to the man in the Kingdom of God and so unable to marry another as long as he wants to live/house with her, as long as he has not abandonned the relationship ***1 Cor. 7:12 But to the rest I [Paul] say, not the Lord, if any brother has an unbelieving wife, and she is consenting to dwell with him, he should not leave/ divorce/ abandon/ repudiate her 13* And the woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is pleased to be dwelling with her, she should not leave/divorce/ abandon/repudiate him. . . . . 15 But if the unbelieving one separates/departs, he/she should separate/depart. A brother or a sister is not [maritally] bound in such [cases], but God has called us in peace. 16 For what do you know, O wife, whether you shall save [your] husband? ***12* To all others I say-I, not the Master-If a Brother is married to a woman, who is an unbeliever but willing to live with him, he should not divorce her; 13* And a woman who is married to a man, who is an unbeliever but willing to live with her, should not divorce her husband. . . . . 15* However, if the unbeliever wishes to be separated, let him be so. Under such circumstances neither the Brother nor the Sister is bound; God has called you to live in peace. TCNT : G:> He says he is saved but I am not sure. ///This is the issue that is critical. We know that genuinely saved people don't continue in sin and keep on doing a sin. ***1 John 3:6 No one who continues in union with Him keeps on practicing and living in sin: no one who keeps on living in sin has seen Him or knows Him. 7 Dear children, let no one lead you astray. The man who continues acting righteously, practicing righteousness, is righteous, just as He is righteous. 8 He who is habitually practicing and living in sin is a child of the Devil, . . . . 9 No one who is a child of God habitually practices and lives in sin. A God-given germ of life remains in him, and he cannot habitually sin--because he is a child of God. 10 By this we can distinguish Godâs children and the Devilâs children: no one who keeps on failing to act righteously is a child of God, nor he who does not keep on loving his brother man. 1 John 3 WEY+TCNT+DBY /// Having genuine faith in the Jesus Christ of the Bible, I believe that no one who continues in union with Him keeps on practicing and living in disobedience to Jesus, that no one who continues to disobey Jesus has seen Him or knows Him. I believe that the person who continues acting righteously according to the Word of God, practicing righteousness, is righteous, just as Jesus is righteous. I believe that the one who is habitually practicing and living in disobedience against Jesus is a child of the Devil, that no one who is a child of God habitually practices and lives in disobedience against Jesus. I believe that the God-given germ of life remains in His child, and he/she cannot habitually disobey Jesus--because he/she is a child of God. I believe that it is by this we can distinguish Godâs children and the Devilâs children, that no one who continues to act unrighteously is a child of God, nor one who does not co ntinue to unselfishly and compassionately cherish in Love the people in his/her life. 1 John 3:6-10 WEY+TCNT+DBY ///The genuine believer cannot continue in sin and keep on practicing and living in sin because either Father will chasten him with weakness and sickness to the point the believer stops sinning, or He delivers the body of the sinning saint to Satan for the destruction of the believers body, and then Father takes that snared believer Home where he can no longer sin or be tempted to sin. *** 1 Cor 5:4* In the name of our Lord Jesus, when you are all assembled and my spirit is with you, together with the power of our Lord Jesus, 5 I have handed over such a man to Satan for the destruction of his body, that his spirit may be saved on the day of the Lord Jesus. ***1 Cor 11:30* That is why many among you are sickly and out of health, and why not a few die. 31 If, however, we estimated ourselves aright, we should not be judged. 32 But when we are judged by the Lord, chastisement follows, to save us from being condemned along with the world. ///The Father's goal is not death, but deliverance from sin, and if the brother repents in godly sorrow, the brother has been delivered from the sin. ***2 Cor 7:9 Now I rejoice, not in your grief, but because the grief led to repentance; for you sorrowed with a godly sorrow, which prevented you from receiving injury from us in any respect. 10 For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, a repentance not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world finally produces death. 11 For mark the effects of this very thing--your having sorrowed with a godly sorrow--what earnestness it has called forth in you, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing affection, what jealousy, what meting out of justice! You have completely wiped away reproach from yourselves in the matter. ***2Cor2:5* Â Now if any one has caused sorrow, it has been caused not so much to me, as in some degree--for I have no wish to exaggerate--to all of you. 6 In the case of such a person the punishment which was inflicted by the majority of you is enough. 7 So that you may now take the opposite course, and forgive him rather and comfort him, for fear he should perhaps be driven to despair by his excess of grief. 8 I beg you therefore fully to reinstate him in your love. 9 For in writing to you I have also this object in view--to discover by experience whether you are prepared to be obedient in every respect. 10 When you forgive a man an offence I also forgive it; for in fact what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has always been for your sakes in the presence of Christ, 11 for fear Satan should gain an advantage over us. For we are not ignorant of his devices. ///So the critical issue is to determine if he is genuinely saved. The best way to do that is to obey the following: ***2 Tim 2:24* and a bondservant of the Lord must not quarrel, but must be inoffensive towards all men, a skilful teacher, and patient under wrongs. 25* He must speak in a gentle tone when correcting the errors of opponents, in the hope that God will at last give them repentance, for them to come to a full knowledge of the truth 26 and recover sober-mindedness and freedom from the Devilâs snare, though they are now entrapped by him to do his will. ***MT 18:15* Â âIf your brother acts wrongly towards you, go and point out his fault to him when only you and he are there. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not listen to you, go again, and ask one or two to go with you, that every word spoken may be attested by two or three witnesses. 17 If he refuses to hear them, appeal to the Church; and if he refuses to hear even the Church, regard him just as you regard a Gentile/unbeliever or a tax-gatherer. ///If he claims to be genuinely saved but continues in his sin and refuses to hear even the delegation from the church, Jesus commands you to regard him as an unbeliever, meaning that you a believing wife come under the instructions of a believer married to an unbeliever: ***1 Cor. 7:12 But to the rest I [Paul] say, not the Lord, if any brother has an unbelieving wife, and she is consenting to dwell with him, he should not leave/ divorce/ abandon/ repudiate her 13* And the woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is pleased to be dwelling with her, she should not leave/divorce/ abandon/repudiate him. . . . 15 But if the unbelieving one separates/departs, he/she should separate/depart. A brother or a sister is not [maritally] bound in such [cases], but God has called us in peace. \ ///So yes, you may separate/divorce from such an unbeliever, but as long as he wants to live with you and wants to be married to (living with) you, you are still maritally bound to him in the Kingdom of God, even if divorced from him in the kingdom of humans. The moment, hour or day he no longer wants to live with (be married to) you, you are free from him in the Kingdom of God. If he says he doesn't want to live with you but still wants to be married to you, it is over because by separating himself from you and not wanting to live with you, he has ended his marital ties to you. You are free to remarry someone in Jesus. ///How are you supposed to act towards him now? While maintaining physcial separation from him for safety, I believe you should do the following: Luke 6:27* Â But to you who hear I say--Love your enemies, show kindness to those who hate you, 28 Bless those who curse you, pray for those who insult you. 29 When a man gives one of you a blow on the cheek, offer the other cheek as well; and, when any one takes away your cloak, do not keep back your coat either. 30 Give to every one who asks of you; and, when any one takes away what is yours, do not demand its return. 31 Do to others as you wish them to do to you. 32 If you love only those who love you, what thanks will be due to you? Why, even the outcast love those who love them! 33 For, if you show kindness only to those who show kindness to you, what thanks will be due to you? Even the outcast do that! 34 If you lend only to those from whom you expect to get something, what thanks will be due to you? Even the outcast lend to the outcast in the hope of getting as much in return! 35 But love your enemies, and show them kindness, and lend to them, never despairing. Then your reward shall be great, and you shall be Sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the thankless and the bad. 36 Learn to be merciful--even as your Father is merciful. Romans 12:16 Let the same spirit of sympathy animate you all, not a spirit of pride; be glad to associate with the lowly. Do not think too highly of yourselves. 17 Never return injury for injury. Aim at doing what all men will recognize as honorable. 18 If it is possible, as far as rests with you, live peaceably with every one. 19 Never avenge yourselves, dear friends, but make way for the Wrath of God; for Scripture declares--ââIt is for me to avenge, I will requite,â says the Lord.â 20 Rather--âIf your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him to drink. By doing this you will heap coals of fire upon his head.â 21 Never be conquered by evil, but conquer evil with good. G:> I didnt see it as wise to stay with him. It wasnt safe for my kids and myself. I know it was time to go. ///You were right to do so. Clarissa: SNIP Please pray that I will get help with this. I am hurting...but I know that Jesus is the Answer NO Matter WHAT! Clarissa >> ///1 Cor. 7:12 But to the rest I [Paul] say, not the Lord, if any brother has an unbelieving wife, and she is consenting to dwell with him, he should not leave/ divorce/ abandon/ repudiate her. 13* And the woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is pleased to be dwelling with her, she should not leave/divorce/ abandon/repudiate him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is set apart for God by the wife, . . . . ; else your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbelieving one separates/departs, he/she should separate/depart. A brother or a sister is not [maritally] bound in such [cases], but God has called us in peace. 16 For what do you know, O wife, whether you shall save [your] husband? 10* Â To those who are married my direction is-yet it is not mine, but the Masterâs-that a woman is not to leave her husband 11 (If she has done so, let her remain as she is, or else be reconciled to her husband) and also that a man is not to divorce his wife. 12* To all others I say-I, not the Master-If a Brother is married to a woman, who is an unbeliever but willing to live with him, he should not divorce her; 13* And a woman who is married to a man, who is an unbeliever but willing to live with her, should not divorce her husband. 14 For, through his wife, the husband who is an unbeliever has become associated with Christâs People; and the wife who is an unbeliever has become associated with Christâs People through our Brother whom she has married. Otherwise your children would be âdefiled,â but, as it is, they belong to Christâs People. 15* However, if the unbeliever wishes to be separated, he should depart. Under such circumstances neither the Brother nor the Sister is bound; God has called you to live in peace. TCNT++ /// Is the believing husband still maritally bound to the unbelieving wife that he deserted/abandonned/left/ disregarded/divorced even though she still wanted and wants to be dwelling with him, even though she has not separated, divided asunder, parted, put asunder, separated her self from [the believer], departed from [the believer]? Is this a correct understanding of the following Scriptures? ***1Cor7:10* Â To those who are married my direction is-yet it is not mine, but the Masterâs-that a woman is not to leave her husband 11 (If she has done so, let her remain as she is, or else be reconciled to her husband) and also ------------ >>>that a man is not to divorce<863 aphiemi> his wife. TCNT >>>that a husband is not to send away<863 aphiemi> his wife. WEY [863 aphiemi = send away his wife, to bid his wife depart, divorce his wife, send forth his wife, disregard his wife= he should not send away his wife, bid his wife to depart, divorce his wife, send forth or disregard his wife.] ////So clearly the husband is not to divorce, send away his wife, bid his wife depart, divorce his wife, send forth his wife, disregard his wife. ***1Cor7:12* To all others I say-I, not the Master-If a Brother is married to a woman, who is an unbeliever but --------- >>>willing to live with him,TCNT >>>she consents to live with him,WEY >>>*she* consent to dwell with him, DBY >>>she consents to be dwelling<3611 oikeo> with him -------- he should not divorce<863 aphiemi> her; [863 aphiemi = send her away, to bid her depart, divorce her, send her forth, disregard = he should not send her away, bid her to depart, divorce her, send her forth or disregard her.] ///If he has sinned and disobeyed this command by divorcing her and disregarding her and she still is consenting to live/dwell with him, isn't his confession (omolego 1Jn1:9) to agree with God that he has so sinned/disobeyed, and his repentance (Prov 28:13) in godly sorrow (2 Cor 7) to cease from the sin of divorcing/disregarding her, and instead he should reconcile and reunite himself to her in their marriage? ***1 Cor 7: 15* However, if---------- the unbeliever wishes to be separated the unbeliever is determined to leave the unbeliever go away the unbeliever separates, divides asunder, parts, puts asunder, separates his/her self from [the believer], depart from [the believer], leaves ----------------------------------he/she should separate/leave). [[[chorizo; v 1) to separate, divide, part, put asunder, to separate one's self from, to depart 1a) to leave a husband or wife 1a) of divorce 1b) to depart, go away 5744 Tense - Present See 5774 Continuing action in the present Voice - Passive See 5786 The person acting upon herself Mood - Imperative See 5794 A command to do something En EspaÃol: 15* Pero si el infiel se aparta, apÃrtese: Yielding: he/she should separate him/herself, divide asunder, part, put asunder, separate his/her self from [the believer], depart from [the believer], leave.]]] -----------------------Under such circumstances neither the Brother nor the Sister is bound; God has called you to live in peace. TCNT ///So in the case of the believer who has disobeyed the command to not divorce/disregard his unbelieving wife, who is still consenting to dwell with him, since it was he - the believer - who separated/parted/departed/left, he is still "bound" maritally to her, the unbeliever who had not left or separated/parted/departed/herself from him, the believer. Believer With Abusive Mate If you wish to respond to me directly, please Email me at [EMAIL PROTECTED] Because of my job and family responsibilities I am no longer able to daily keep up with all the groups of which I am a member and to which I post. The Most High God loved people so very much that He sent and gave His only Son born of a woman, God with us, to be our Passover Lamb, to cover our sins if we sincerely and genuinely call and depend on King Jesus of Bethlehem ALONE to save us from our sins and present us covered with His perfect righteousness to Abba Father in Heaven. 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