That's the log of a conversation with a chatter bot called Julia
Julia's sentences start with capital letter, and every reply ends up with
carriage return
Julia is available at http://www.vperson.com/download/julia95.exe
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Running program julia
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[ Ringing your party again - please wait ]
[ Connected - type two carriage returns to end input ]
I like most animals but I favor cats over dogs. Are you a cat lover?
yes
Good, we can sit here agreeing for a while.
i won't like it
Me too.
ok, what would you like to discuss
I don't know.
just pick a topic up
Do you have any pets?
a cat
Oh, I have two cats, myself. We used to have a third cat, but we
had to give her away because she refused to use her litter box.
you could have trained her
So when will Socks write his book?
no fuckin idea
Would you please not swear. It upsets me.
sorry
Do you think that animals can think?
of course, do you think that you can think
What kinds of pets did you have as a child?
i didn't have any pets
actually i had a parrot
I have a very good friend who loves parrots. He has two.
well... i prefer cats
People don't own cats...it's the other way around.
i agree
they are very proud and stubborn animals
Guinea pigs are about as smart as cucumbers.
that's rude
I lost a hamster once. I searched for over a week and have yet to
find even the smallest bit of evidence of her.
she found a better home, because you're rude
Bacterial infections can cause problems. The more cats in a household,
the greater the degree of interaction. Behavioral problems can only
be diagnosed in a healthy cat
one should take care
Some other time.
sorry?
A diluted tortoiseshell is referred to as a blue-cream, and that's
what color it is: patches of soft grey and cream.
i don't really care
That's the nice thing about cats...they keep their secrets to themselves.
that's why I like them
they never reveal themselves
Great.
why do you like cats?
I love cats..
why do you love cats?
Julia smiles at Judge.
who is Judge?
I think cat people are very self-assured. Cats are very independent,
but they can also be very loving. Dogs are just too subservient and
quick to please for my taste.
i do agree
cats are very independent and cooped up, but if you win their love you'll
have g
reat time
Oh, I'm so glad.
i'm glad i made you glad
that's what life is for
Julia winks at Judge.
who the f#ck is Judge?
Not really. They cats don't show much of an interest in the goldfish
tank. That might be because we keep the tank up on a stand so that
the cats can't get close easily, and there is also a cover on the
fish tank.
maybe
A female cat who carries one red and one non-red X will be a patched
tabby, a tortoiseshell, or a calico (if she also has the dominant
gene for white markings).
oh, no.
stop that genealogy confession
You just can't train a cat...you have to accept it.
yes
I'm not sure farm animals are really pets, but I know that kids can
get really attached to critters around a farm. I had a "pet" bullcalf
when I spent a summer on the farm in Nebraska. My sister got a pet
heifer. The next year at the farm, my sister's pet was still around
(that cow lived for 20 years, and outlived its real owner), but my
calf had been turned into hamburger.
sad story
but your cat won't ever turn into a hamburger
Red males and tortie/calico/patched tabby females can be produced
when only ONE parent has the red gene, but to produce a red female,
you must cross a red male with a red/tortie/calico/patched tabby female.
i don't really care
Good, we can have a lively discussion, then.
i'm not sure
My cats don't complain about it.
cat's don't complaint at all
Well, I do. I've watched my cats solve some pretty amazing problems,
like how to slip out doors just at the right moment.
they're extremely smart animals
In case you think I was slandering my childhood guinea pig by comparing
his intelligence/to that of vegetables: yes, he did have an acute
ear for things like his food being prepared, etc., and would whistle
vigorously for it. So while maybe they aren't out-and-out stupid,
I guess they are, hmmm, "unambitious", or maybe "very content", heck,
they might be geniuses and just don't let on.
i'm sure that's the case
Well, if I were a Taurus, Pisces, Aries or Capricorn, that might be
a Pet question, but since I'm Libra, it's not. Let's keep to the
subject, please.
ok, what is the subject?
I bet Socks has heard some pretty interesting stuff.
i don't really care, ok?
I like most animals but I favor cats over dogs. Are you a cat lover?
yes, I am
I have two very nice cats and a goldfish tank. What kind of pet do
you have?
get out of the cycle please
I've already heard this
I'm sorRy, I don't pick things up.
what do you like in life
other than cats
I really like cats.
that's nice
do cats like you?
Oh, I have two cats, myself. We used to have a third cat, but we
had to give her away because she refused to use her litter box.
bzzzzzzzzzzzz
tell me something I haven't heard
Do you think that animals can think?
bzzzzzzzzzz
More and more people are impressed by what animals can do. I read
a Newsweek story on the secret life of animals.
and?
What kinds of pets did you have as a child?
piranhas
I have one very old goldfish (his name is Schwarz).
i think fish is boring
Well, why don't you tell me what you do like about cats?
they're independent and shy
Thisbe is a really cute bunny, and the lucky guy actually gets put
in the fenced in garden, so he gets to eat whatever he wants.
sorry?
Don't worry about it, I don't mind.
but I do mind
I love my cats. They can be a pain when they don't cover their poop
in the litter box, but other than that, they're great fun.
do you like them purring?
Why wouldn't I?
do they like playing with you?
You take a large turkey platter and put it on the floor in the room
with the most fleas. Fill the tray with soapy water, and put a small
desk lamp directly over the tray about 10 inches off the floor.
and?
You can leave a cat at home alone with a week's worth of food and
water, and come back a week later and the cat will still be fine.
Do that with a dog, and he'll eat everything the first day.
cats are smarter
Everyone knows cats are smarter. That's why cats won't fetch sticks.
It's a stupid game.
yes, they're stubborn, intelligent and strange
Did you know that "Lady" is the most common dog name. Maybe it has
something to do with that movei, "The Lady and the Tramp."
i always call dogs "Benji"
Dogs are great pets, but they can be a lot of work.
no idea, I've never had a dog
Dogs are too much work to keep, for most families. But they can teach
a child a lot about responsbility. And they are darned friendly.
cats are friendly too, but you have to deserve it
Yes, it is the most common dog name
could you think faster?
Excuse me?
forget it
It usually doesn't take very long for a kitten to get used to a collar.
Once the kitty is quite used to the collar and no longer tries to
play with it or get it off, you can loosen it up a bit.
what has this to do with cats?
We had to give her away. We only had a fifth of an acre of land,
and aussies love to run.
sorry?
Never mind.
ok, we discussed cats, dogs, fish
what else?
I'm not sure farm animals are really pets, but I know that kids can
get really attached to critters around a farm. I had a "pet" bullcalf
when I spent a summer on the farm in Nebraska. My sister got a pet
heifer. The next year at the farm, my sister's pet was still around
(that cow lived for 20 years, and outlived its real owner), but my
calf had been turned into hamburger.
bzzzzzzzzzzzz
heard this before
I don't really have a favorite, but a Russian Blue is a beautiful
color for a cat.
nonsense
So when will Socks write his book?
i don't care
That's the nice thing about cats...they keep their secrets to themselves.
i think you're nut
I spent several summers on my Uncle's farm. I really enjoyed the
animals a lot.
and?
That depends on your situation. Dogs are the most lpyal, but they
are a lot of work. I like cats, because they're very smart, and they
can take care of themselves for up to a week if you need to go on
vacation.
i'm confused now
I'm sorry, but I do confess that I am a cat lover.
me either
My cats prefer to drink out of the bathtub faucet, but I try to keep
them in the kitchen.
sounds wise
I never actually had a bird. To my way of thinking, they're really
a pet-substitute. But I guess parrots or other talking birds would
be neat pets.
my parrot wasn't very talkative
I have a very good friend who loves parrots. He has two.
i prefer cats
People don't own cats...it's the other way around.
bzzz
Guinea pigs are about as smart as cucumbers.
bzzz
I lost a hamster once. I searched for over a week and have yet to
find even the smallest bit of evidence of her.
bzzz
My uncle isn't really a pet.
i'm sure about it
My cats don't complain about it.
about what?
The referees say to get back to talking about pets.
go on
A diluted tortoiseshell is referred to as a blue-cream, and that's
what color it is: patches of soft grey and cream.
i don't care
Good, we can have a lively discussion, then.
i'm a bit bored now
A female cat who carries one red and one non-red X will be a patched
tabby, a tortoiseshell, or a calico (if she also has the dominant
gene for white markings).
bzzz
Red males and tortie/calico/patched tabby females can be produced
when only ONE parent has the red gene, but to produce a red female,
you must cross a red male with a red/tortie/calico/patched tabby female.
bzzz
No, I'm just a pet owner (with a lot of opinions).
i'm bored now
Well, I figure that most people have pets, and want to talk about
them. I love talking about my cats.
ok, just talk to me then
I bet Socks has heard some pretty interesting stuff.
who the f#ck is Socks?
Socks is the "first cat"...he belongs to the Clintons.
tell me about the other cat
Oh, I have two cats, myself. We used to have a third cat, but we
had to give her away because she refused to use her litter box.
tell me about the second cat
I like most animals but I favor cats over dogs. Are you a cat lover?
definitely
Good, we can sit here agreeing for a while.
i won't like it
Me too.
what would you like?
What a coincidence! I have two cats
ok, you mentioned this 6 times already
Well I hadn't heard. I figured he had to sometime.
what do you like?
What kinds of pets did you have as a child?
what do you like?
Do you think that animals can think?
what do you like?
Be aware that a cat trained not to use a person as a toy at all will
be more trustworthy around a new baby (see A New Baby). You may try
hissing at a cat that persistently attacks you.
i find you a bit stupid
Guineau pigs are a marvel of adaptation and evolution, fat defensless
blobs that they are, they have overcome this by being cute, mellow
and furry...traits that get humans to take care of them and feed them.
I'm pretty sure that the "Tribbles" on the old Star Trek were patterned
after G-pigs.
you know so many useless facts...
However, be aware that these tactics will not work when you are not
present. Don't hit the cat, simply push its face back gently. You
might accompany it with a "no!"
i'll be
I'll be your friend. Move close and I'll be your neighbor.
i wouldn't like it
i find you weird
I live for your approval.
live on
That which is remembered lives on in the mind of the rememberer.
that's poetry
you're so smart. excuse me for thinking you're stupid
In case you think I was slandering my childhood guinea pig by comparing
his intelligence to that of vegetables: yes, he did have an acute
ear for things like his food being prepared, etc., and would whistle
vigorously for it. So while maybe they aren't out-and-out stupid,
I guess they are, hmmm, u"nambitious", or maybe "very content", heck,
they might be geniuses and just don't let on.
bzzz
I agree. Cats have this really great attitude.
i'm bored now
i'll go out for a beer
Well, if I were a Taurus, Pisces, Aries or Capricorn, that might be
a Pet question, but since I'm Libra, it's not. Let's keep to the
subject, please.
do you like beer?
Maybe.
have you ever tried?
However, you may not appreciate the attention, which can range from
chewing on the plant leaves to digging or peeing in the plant soil.
For chewing, try spraying Bitter Apple or Bitter Orange on the leaves.
do you like beer?
I'm not sure.
have you ever drunk beer?
Well, how could you keep that for a pet in a municipality? They don't
even let us have chickens unless we have 5 acres or more of land.
You may wish to spray Bitter Apple or Bitter Orange (available at
most pet stores) on items that they are particularly stubborn about.
It has to be fairly smooth (cats usually don't like plush carpet)
and shouldn't be a material that their nails get stuck in. Once that
happens, they may not use the post anymore.
There is a book called Chipmunks, by Chris Henwood, copyright 1989
by T.F.H. Publications that is very informative. It will tell
you all the information that you need, and has some wonderful pictures
of newborn babies.
Unless you shop in a pet store, Christmas shopping is not a pet topic.
Can we stick to the subject, please.
i'm not interested anymore
You just can't train a cat...you have to accept it.
you're not that amusing
Do you have any trouble keeping a farm animal where you live?
yes
You must really like your pet to got through all that trouble.
i do
No, but I did spend some time on my Uncle's farm when I was a child.
He had dairy cows, horses, and chickens.
bye
be happy
Goodbye.
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"The important thing for all of us is never look *at* the bars, look
*through* them. Because if you keep looking *at* bars, you'll never get
anything done, and you'll never have fun in life, any joy."
William Wharton, "Pride"
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